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BlueDragon64


The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

Comments ( 1193 )

I like this story a lot could use a few spelling Error checks other then that I am enjoying it :)

Oof, this is rough. Not just spelling, but also punctuation and capitalization. Even if you don't have an editor, going back over your story and bringing it up to par would do wonders for readability.

Comment posted by BlueDragon64 deleted February 6th

Thanks for the updates!
Into my library you go!

ch1

I was pretty existed

excited

that I could acutely do magic

actually

would let an eight year old a book

loan

when a smell matrix fails

spell

I turn to my flank existed

excited

so I'm existed to

excited

start thinking about a carer

career

as long as I take them back ever month

every

on top of all of that I also geta rent

get a

still my one space

own

after all this I deiced to

decided


ch2

also taking the most magic to do crate the same effect.

Pick one "do the same effect", "create the same effect"

using around a quater less magic

quarter

"well, I don't have to picture it in my mind only draw the runs and feed it magic so as long as I'm fast and don't mess up the runs it doesn't take that long".

runes


ch3

I didn't even know it was lunch until I saw the cock in the sorting room

*sensible chuckle*
clock

mostly shops and restraints

restaurants

I see the stall owner a batpony unicorn passing

Is it a batpony or a unicorn or is this a story with weird hybrids? Because that's practically an alicorn well not full power but still.

salt oil and sauger a

sugar

few plats some small glasses

plates

I out my good and new dishes away.

put

small flat meatal ring

metal

by a small metal diel on the front

dial

much more then I'd make in a mouth

month


ch4

I leave the crat in the sorting room

crate?

control if ether of you

either


ch5

off I spit them down

split

on my plat at the

plate

to my plat I wash

plate

taking my sweat treat with me

sweet

practicing the holding the spell while

the

after droning my magic once again

draining

the glow dimes by

dims

into mots of

motes

I move to my deck bringing

desk

letting sleep clam me

claim (there's a spongebob meme here somewhere)


ch6

I star for a moment

stare

you know not to that

you know not to do that

strength my rang also increased

range

to move thing without

things

on no were going to be late"

oh

they know so in might be

it

to hid in plain sight

hide

remaining unknow plus

unknown

the steps I want to fallow is

follow

And then there's this one I don't actually know what it is.

How does she know it makes its own seeds? She doesn't even know what it is.

tome skip

time

to learn dome healing spells

some

11818635
Thanks again for your help you've been awesome and I really appreciate it. :D

Thanks for the update!

11818874
Thanks here have another

Apparently this chapter came from the future it’s still February 7 but it was posted February 8

Ahh yes a true mystery the magic of time zones

In the library most books where about careers and jobs which does make since, but two books did catch my interest both about magic the first being about what magic is and the later about runs

runes

I move to sit on my bed, and try the most basic step drawing with magic as I focuses on my hoof, I try to concentrate my magic in the front of my left hoof my hoof gaining a small emerald, green shine on one end I focuses? and move my hoof to the left as I do so a line of deep green magic is left in the air.

focus

I don't feel comfortable fixing weird sentences that are present all over this chapters without external aid at the moment with me not being native and all. The text is understandable, I can get what you meant with each sentence but choice of words and order often seems odd.

Nevertheless you are filling my favourite niche of fanfiction exploring magi/tech (considering your mention of one of gems of this site - Hold it Together being your inspiration), your writing could be worse and I would still read it either way. Let's see what future chapter presents. I do hope this chapter is only an introduction and mc will speak more often in next chapters.

Speaking of the caretakers I've learned some of their names the main one being the name of the orphanage head the older unicorn who took me here. Her name is magree limestone her coat is sandstone in color and her main a dark brown although not as dark as my coat and her eyes are a dark blue.

Magree Limestone, first letters in names of ponies are written in capital Sir!

How old is he to work 8 hours? One one hand it is not like I didn't do it myself for money when I shouldn't. On the other, with all these time skips it is hard to tell and I recall him taking apprenticeship, not a full time job.
I see Evergreen is grinding even before he goes to sleep, does he ever tire? Wink, wink dear author, have him do something silly for once.

"Sure, no probable I know one its pretty simple I can find the book for you later".

problem

This being the one about runes. This chapter in specific being about types of magic this being new to me as I 1precisely thought that all magic was the same but in hindsight that doesn't make much sense as beings like 2discord definitely hace some other type of magic and same with sombra probable.

1. previously
2. Discord and Sombra must use different type of magic.

but I know I don't want to be dragged into the main plot

Glad to hear that this mc is going to stay away from m6. If I got one dollar for every time I cringed from interactions of them with main oc I could probably afford to buy a shitbox car wreck to drive on.

But for smaller objects like books it's around twenty feet this has made my job of putting away books much easier as I don't need a latter

ladder

being able to heal myself and 1other will be 2a big help.

1others
2helpful/useful pick one

This formating is tiring, please search word "chest" and replace it with chess. You misspelled it twice.

Black, green and dark purple. Nothing to see here I swear.

It's been two weeks and I've truly gotten into the flow of my routine. My days going starting with my morning run than working and going about my day. Right now I'm on one of my days off tuesday and wednesday that might seem like a weird choice, but the library is open on the weekend, so I work the weekend and take the mid week off.

Reminder that days of the week and names of months are capitalized.

I've chosen not to use this method as while it doesn't seem to have a negative effect on somepony who uses it. But I feel like it's not a good method mostly as it feels like a shortcut to power

Shade you fool, this is the point of get poweful quick scheme! Enter the equilibrium - healing loop and ascend to new heights!

Plus in the show after twilight leaves for ponyvill she even almost forgets so she might not remember me as anything but a friend that she'll forget.

Ponyville this is a town, town names are capitalized so is Canterlot.
EDIT: I misspelled Ponyville myself lmao.

"Sure, thing mis velvet I mostly came to ask if you know of any plant or flower shops nearby".

Ms. you know what it means but forgot to capitalize

Shade is going to crash the market and put ponies out of their jobs.
This is silly, are you sure you didn't overdo it? If he bothered to make 20 pounds of it and sold it every month for 10% of price you have provided per ounce he could buy 6400 (!!!) pieces of fried bread from chapter 5 for that. Even if we consider tea losing value each bulk sale he makes, in the end Shade would make big bucks out of thin air. That's too easy.
I were you I would put kibosh on his ability to grow only enough of this tea to be a small side gig or for his personal use only + Celly and few other ponies if you want to go that route for plot reasons.

But you are not me so let's see how you handle this.

So first thank you for the spelling checks. Second to address the way I was going with Shade's apprenticeship is that of an older type the main Idea being that ponies can go to further schooling or find a job or craft to apprentice at to learn that job or craft and in the past in the real world many but not all where basically just full time jobs where you also learn on the job with many starting young.

And finally as for his not selling the tea the idea isn't that he can't or even won't just that. One as a person Shade simply doesn't like attention. Two as the life affinity is very rare and the only know way to mass produce blood leaf tea if anyone started selling a lot of it they would have the public's attention pretty much immediately. Three Shade doesn't really need money his job pays decently well and he doesn't pay for rent and only pays for food two days a week he also simple doesn't have a need for a massive amount of money. And if he ever does yes he could start selling tea.

With all that said once again thank you for your help.
Ps I've fixed what you've pointed out to me.

may seem ridicules as

ridiculous

I might be the only ponies in equestria

pony

twenty ponds of tea

pounds

but after me found out

we

hundreds of bits per once:

ounce


Interesting that they don't allow anonymous mailing there.
Also interesting that he bothered to include the name with the postage but not the card, from prior discussion and not putting a name on the card it didn't seem like he wanted her to know who sent it.
Plus it's a 128,000 bit gift which would be expected to gather some attention.

First thanks as always for the spelling checks. And while anonymous mailing does make some sense, I don't think Celestia's guards would like that very much as if you mail something to the princess that you shouldn't they will probably want to know. As for the note including his name it the box honestly, I just presumed that if you're going to ship something they will ask for your name but that's probable my bad using a modern world idea still I think it works though. And yes, he did want her to know but again name on the package although I probable could explain that better so I might tweak it some.

I saw the ( cock ) in the sorting room

I think u mean ( Clock )

Thank you I missed that one

11819643
Please note if you don't use the reply button it doesn't notify anyone you've replied as it treats it as a comment on the story rather than a reply to another comment.

11820143
I didn't know that thank you as always.

Agregado a favoritos
;)

Thanks for the updates!

I resaved a letter

received

I hope to see there

I hope to see you there

Hollo Mr. Evergreen

hello

she takes a sit of tea

sip

motioning a gourd over

guard

my magic l started growing

I

As walk home

As I walk home

11820505
Thank you as always for your help. <3

11820525
Thank you for the good chaptor aswell

[ps inspired by Life Finds a Way and Hold it Together please go read both]

Can I please get some links?

letters of packages too

or

I'm finial done

finally

spot in the matric to

matrix

seeing non, I

none

and still lasts few a few hours

for

11821318
As always thanks. Also you’ve been helping me a lot so if you want something like your name at the end I can add it.

Thanks for the update!

make ether spells

either

Dear princess Celesia I'm

Celestia

I resaved a thank

received

cutting come fabric.

some

before making it to backroom.

before making it to the backroom.

I normal try to

normally

I don't think I'll training this

I don't think I'll be training this

pancakes for diner.

dinner

So I need to ask. Do earth ponies in this fic not use life magic? If so then how are they able to farm so effectively?

11822288
Mostly cutie marks the idea is that cutie marks give a small but useful boost when doing what your cutie mark represents for frames this would be them becoming more efficient. And thank you for the interesting question.

Thanks for the update!
Knowlege of what light is for the win. So not only is his inventions gonna be helpful but his knowlege imparted in his spell circles in his creations as well. That is if they figure out what the numbers mean, but hey it’s better to have the number and try to find out how it fits then not have it at all and try to figure it out from scratch.

11822379
Thank you for reading and I hope you've enjoyed the story so far.

Finally, dialogue!

Ore of a personal preference but instead of saying “time skip” using a symbol or the line function “


” might be a bit cleaner.

11824091
I've thought of using the line function but as time skips become less frequent I decided against it. Hope your enjoying the story.

Changeling egg?

11824146
Oh that would be more interesting than a dragon egg for sure. Love the story so far btw.

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