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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Glad to hear that this mc is going to stay away from m6. If I got one dollar for every time I cringed from interactions of them with main oc I could probably afford to buy a shitbox car wreck to drive on.
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This formating is tiring, please search word "chest" and replace it with chess. You misspelled it twice.
I'm liking this but almost nothing is happening
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Second half of the chapter is bold for whatever reason.
Why do that always think Ooo I'm in mlp stay away I'll change the time line Mmmm I got sopling to say sorry you are already missing with the timeline with out doing nothing pluse thear is infinite time lines that are all different so do what u want won't harm this time line because what will happen will happen and what should happen would still happen even with you in it
So at this point he sounds like from what you wrote to be roughly as strong as a average adult unicorn/earth pony . Def sounds stronger than any pony his age.
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It could definitely use some editing down. We got a completely uneventful café visit, with dialogue.
I hope he write in English
I'm curious why you use colons to denote the characters thoughts. In many stories I've seen thoughts italicized, but I think even that's not really needed in first person stories. Since it's told from his perspective, technically everything he says is his thoughts. I keep having to pause for a half second to remember that it's his thoughts being displayed, though that's just the kind of thing my brain will adapt too when I've seen it enough. Once I'm used to it I doubt it'll slow be down