• Member Since 15th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen 16 minutes ago

Gabriel10169


Comments ( 95 )

Not bad for a first try :twilightsmile:

You should put in the title what is this story is crossover with, is displaced, but I don't know the source, not everybody watched all animes.

You might wanna put something in your story description on if or if not you'll cross-over with other Displaced. And of course, depending on your choice, you'll be attracting different readers either those who love cross-overs or hate it.

This look promising. I'll keep track for this story.

Not bad, who's utility belt? Also, what is the Darksaber from? And consider this tracked.

9773027
I knew I was forgetting something. Thank you.

9773047
Your welcome. By clone wars do you refer to the star wars animated series? If not then I have no clue and will apparently need to look it up.

9773057
Yes it is from Star Wars the Clone Wars. Though that will most likely be the only element from that franchise.

9773089
Nice pics, I notice that you switched from Batman to Batman Beyond, any particular reason for the shift?

9773149
I thought about it and the beyond belt doesn't hold as many gadgets as its predecessors since there are others built into other parts of the suit itself and since its just going to be the belt in this story instead of the whole suit i can limit the number of gadgets that are used so I'm not tempted to just use it as a plot device to get out of any situation. That would just be too easy.

9773760
Yes there will be, almost done with the next chapter.

......Need.....MOOOOAAAAARRRRR

Great chapter by the way, keep up the good work.

gender rolls of their culture seem to be the opposite of earths

roles, Earth's

Also capitalize the "T" in Tartarus.

The one thing I hate about displace stories They spend more time with crossovers and interacting with other characters from different stories then they do with their own story building . I have high hopes that you find a good balance

capsules will come in handy. pocket houses and everything to modes of transport? yes please...

I believe we are close to the crossroads of evil and good. Let us see which path will be taken.:pinkiecrazy:

liking it so far, few spelling issues here and there tho. looking forward to more

Now to see if this is regular Celestia or the bitchy irrational xenophobe Celestia

For a 1st fic this is very well written and I look forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work.

whan can you upload more chapters?

I would ask you to slow down the story and add some descriptions, the whole shebang about Showing, not Telling, and yada yada... But at this point I really don't need to be shown the first two episodes of MLP again. So thank you for being very brief in this particular instance.

Using one of Seiryū's abilities to control the temperature around me I lower my body temperature and that of the immediate area around me to well below absolute zero before forming Toya's ice cutlass on my right arm and flood it with demonic energy.

Well below absolute zero.

i.imgflip.com/16olgx.jpg

The pictures are not necessary. They detract from the flow of the story. Hyperlink them if you want, but don't put them inline in the story.

9848803
Kinda have to agree. Would rather have a few pics of Hiei using his techniques. The Capsules could have been hyperlinked.

I lowered my face so that my mouth was next to her ear. "Fine, I except your proposal" i

Edit: Accept and I

you know, MC could probably bring out th captains potential somewhat. loved this chapter btw-looking forward to the next. 'you are the creator of your own enemies' an important phrase

two years of piece

peace

Other than the spelling errors, good chapter.

MMMOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

xenophobic twilight -> xenophobic celestia, its 51% true in fan fictions, but is it warranted or unnecessary xenophobia. I mean demons besides the main character probably wrecked the equestria the main character is in so that's why they're fearful of him.

The other 49% is tyrantelstia fics

any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?

9899792
Its almost done actually. I've been piecing it together in my spare time.

Very interesting.

1.Are you doing a heram or just one and no more?

9909724
Haven't completely decided yet. I figure I'll see how well the story flows before deciding.

If it's ok with you can hiei have the sharingon?

9910536
I was trying not to put it in since a lot of stories do but I think I have a way to include something similar.

Did anyone esle get a update but there is no new chapter

9919428
Yeah sorry about that I hit the wrong button when I got on yesterday. It only needs a few more paragraphs though so it should be done either tonight or sometime tomorrow.

MMMMOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a very good story though I have to ask what exactly is the pair for it?

Para pa pa paa
I'm loving this.

Bow chicka wow wow!

I stopped skidding after about thirty feet or so and pulled myself out of the two-foot deep trench that now existed in the middle of town only to come face to face with the last two ponies that I wanted to deal with right now as they stood protectively in front of Twilight and Rarity, their wings spread, their heads down, and their horns were ablaze with raw magical power as a. Celestia and Luna had arrived.

Well, this is going to get all kinds of awkward.

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