When your life is a stack of suckcakes covered in angst syrup and the world turns its back on you after it kicks you into a puddle of hate toast with rejection margarine and the marmalade of loneliness and your parents are completely and totally dead, being a brony can seem meaningless. God, I'm hungry now. Sometimes all we need is a horse -- a great big one -- in a cardboard box to reinforce our own self-imposed martyr complexes.

A parody of My Little Dashie, in case you couldn't figure that out. Read by Illya Leonov!

See what actual, living bronies are saying about My Full-Sized Goddess Horse!

"This is a stark commentary on the self-destructive and delusion-wracked nature of Major Depression, as well as the ephemeral routes of mental escape in which one finds some momentary relief from the endless downpour of despair and hopelessness they experience with this disorder." -Cupcakes

"Vulgar." -Mystic

"This is an actual, for-real quote from ROBCakeran53, author of My Little Dashie." -not ROBCakeran53

"I don’t think this story is fit for Equestria Daily, nor do I think that it will ever be acceptable." -Equestria Daily Pre-Readers

"You truly have a proper grasp of diction!" -MallaJong1

"...My Full-Sized Goddess Horse is a fundamentally entertaining, messageless tale with impeccably-crafted prose." -Amit

"This is the best use of unreliable narrator I've ever seen on fimfic! " -ocalhoun

"...you should probably not smoke as much weed as you did that day." -Lesolan

Reviewed by the actual, for-real Seattle's Angels!

This is Cassandra, my OC don't steal. Her interests include having a dark past, saving Twilight when the elements of harmony fail, and being Celestia's long-lost sister. What follows are the adventures, foibles, and shenanigans that the Mane 7 get into. These stories will touch you, spiritually and emotionally; they will make you laugh, make you cry, and hopefully make you love Cassandra as much as I do. I don't want to be too narrow, so even though I can't tag this as both "Adventure" and "Slice of Life" I'm going to try my hand at both of them.

Praise for The Cassandra Chronicles:
"wonderful. perfect and wonderful." -RagamuffinQ
"Too majestic for words." -Brony Hectic
"This is by far the best fiction on this site." -AwkwardTaco
"You show 'em, Cassandra!" -CartsBeforeHorses
"I love Applejack and this is still the greatest story ever told." -Twinkletail
"Your OC really is the best OC! (Other than MINE, of course...." -Twilicorn_Luver
"This is better then Fallout: Equestria." -DashieTheAlmighty

You're probably wondering how I came up with the name "Cassandra." Because while it is a beautiful name on its own, the meaning is deeper. Greek mythology tells of Cassandra, daughter of Priam, who is cursed to see the future, but never have anyone believe her. Consequentially, a "Cassandra" is one who says things that are true, but is largely ignored, either because these truths sound ridiculous, or are too painful to hear. While my Cassandra can't literally see the future (because where's the fun in that?), she still tends to be more perceptive than the others. However due to jealousy or inclination of mistrust, other ponies often disbelieve her. That is why her Element of Harmony is Trust; to represent that she has to learn to put trust in less-intelligent, less-reliable ponies, and that other ponies have to realize they should trust her.

Equestria has long been known as a majestic land. One filled with fauna and flora that would amaze and astonish. Everything from Manticores and Hydras to awe inspiring Dragons. Yes, Equestria is filled with majestic animals... this just isn't one of them. Book One of Three, join the Equestrian Wood ECH on his epic journey to save Equestria, one ECH at a time!

WonderZone ("it's where foals gotta go!") is only the most awesome arcade in the world. Just ask Rainbow Dash, age 6. Its the sort of place you long to be growing up.

Some fillies would be content with ten minutes, fifteen, twenty. But all that Rainbow Dash wants - and all that she's getting - is another hour in the ball pit.

The only human in Equestria has an awkward time in a bar. Mostly due to the massive language barrier.

It's been five years since the Titan Ponies appeared in Equestria, and life is hard. But ponies are a resilient folk and have adapted, fighting back against the monsters with incredible feats of magic and technology. Though they have won many battles, the war continues, and their strength and spirits are running out. Now it's up to Erenshy and her friends to find a new way to overcome the Titan Pony plague. But will friendship be enough to turn back the tide when fighting the Titan Ponies hasn't?

Nyx, feeling lonely and unloved, casts a spell that hurtles her back in time to the Early Equestrian Period. Who will she meet there? What will she do? Will she ever find her place in life?

You can probably figure out the answer from the title.

So, I saw like four pictures of these two on derpibooru the other day and they immediately became my OTP for stupid, stupid reasons. But there's no way I can write a story about the two worst OCs the fandom has made without it being really stupid, so expect lots of character assassination and fourth wall breaking and memes and other stuff like that.

Nyx was created by Pen Stroke, who would probably have an aneurysm if he saw this because I'm breaking his rules for using his character. (Spoilers: he didn't.)

Snowdrop belongs to Silly Filly Studios I guess? I dunno, I wasn't paying that much attention.

Cover image by RagingPeppers, edited by me.