The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

The Cat Burglar, a Film Noir special presentation.

Mood Music

Name's Cassandra. I'm what you might call a "Jack of all trades, master of all of 'em." I was on the force for 15 years, before they forced me off because they were jealous of my perfect record. I set up my own little shop in the seedy district of Canterlot. Now when they need a private eye that's not afraid of gettin' her hooves dirty, or just somepony sharper than a typical beat cop, they come to me.

Business had been slow, but I had a feeling I was about to land a real whopper of a case. Call it a premonition. They say nopony believes a cassandra, but a betting mare would've been well suited to, because at that moment, an opportunity didn't even bother knocking, it burst right through my door. Fluttershy, as the locals called her, a real knockout dame. What she lacked in spine, she made up for in beauty. It was clear something had her shaken up

"It's terrible see!" said Fluttershy, her eyes wide with panic, and her heart going a mile a minute, "why I'm just so catatonic, I could faint right here on the spot!"

"Take a seat dollface," Cassandra motioned to the fainting couch, "I'm fresh out of smellingsalts and all the stores are closed." She poured a Scotch and placed it on the table in front of Fluttershy. Now, why don't you tell me what's happened?"

"This one comes right from the top! It's the big score! The top tamale of heists, see! Somepony's made off with the Elements of Harmony!"

Dramatic music sting.

*****

The Elements of Harmony, the most priceless jewels in Equestria. They were worth a queen's ransom, and had once been used for that very same barter. If somepony was tired of peeling potatoes for pennies on the dollar, grabbing the elements and hopping a boat to Istanbull was a sure path to the good life. First order of business was to talk with the two jokers that were on guard duty at the time of the incident.

"Listen up!" said Cassandra harshly, "all the signs point to inside job, so you better not hold anything back if you wanna make me doubt that."

"We're innocent, honest!" insisted Guardnumberone

"That's right" added Guardnumbertwo, "we never left our posts! You can ask anypony that came by!"

"Well maybe you didn't pinch em yourselves, but you could've been bribed to look the other way while somepony snuck in!"

"You're out of order!" fired back Guardnumbertwo, "You might be gorgeous as a rose, but we don't have to stand for these accusations!"

"Let's everypony just take it easy" interjected Guardnumberone, handing a cigarette to his partner. Then he offered the box to Cassandra, "One for the pretty lady?"

"No thanks, smoking is bad for your lungs."

The two guards looked at each other and burst out laughing. After taking a moment to compose themselves, they spoke again,

"You're a funny one" said Guardnumbertwo, wiping tears from his eyes, "all right, we'll cooperate. We don't have much to go on, but a pony named Noir was taking pictures outside the castle at the time of the incident. He thinks he got a snapshot of the culprit."

"Only problem is..." began Guardnumberone,

"Let me guess, he uses black and white film" finished Cassandra, "well you work with the hand you're dealt. Let me have a look." Guradnumberone handed her the photo. It was a grainy photo, but the figure of a pony on the wrong side of the fence was clear to see.

"Not having the hair color is bad enough, but the face is obscured too" commented the guard, "I don't know how we're going to figure out who he is."

"That would be your first mistake" said Cassandra, "this pony is a mare."

The guards gasped.

"It's still a wide pool, but at least it rules out thirteen percent of the population. I'll find your trinkets. In the meantime you get me the hoofprints of every mare and stallion that was in the castle, I'm not ruling out accomplices just yet. Make it snappy!"

*****

Just who would steal the Elements, I thought to myself. Sure it's a motherlode of a payout, but if you needed money fast, a jewelry store or bank would give up the goods with less of a fight. Maybe it was for the show of things, no better way to send a message than stealing the most heavily guarded item in all of Equestria. But this was all just theories for now, without concrete proof, I couldn't cement my suspicions. It was the next day, early morning. I was just sitting down to breakfast when I heard a knock at the door. I made myself decent and threw on my coat and fedora. Most ponies couldn't pull off that style of hat unless they were wearing it ironically. But I wasn't most ponies.

At the door was a royal footman,
"Princess Celestia has requested your audience immediately," he said.

"Took 'em long enough to get those prints. I guess she wanted to apologize to me personally."

"I don't know the nature of the meeting, I was just told to fetch you."

Cassandra arrived at the castle, eager to discuss the case with her long-lost sister.

"Thank you for getting here on on such short notice, Cassandra" said the Princess

"Please, call me Detective."

"Apologies, Detective. I've called you here because I have good news."

"You got the hoofprints I asked for?"

"Better, we found the Elements of Harmony!" said the Princess, gleefully, "One of our guards found the box out by the statue garden. We appreciate your time, you will be properly compensated."

"Well talk about a fine how do you do" said Cassandra, "I'll go ahead and interview the crook, see who she's workin for."

"There is no suspect" replied Princess Celestia, "we have recovered the lost property, the case is closed."

"How do you know they won't strike again?" insisted Cassandra.

"That is enough, Detective" said Celestia firmly, "you will surrender all case files and end your investigation, effective immediately."

"So you're just lettin' some common crook fly the coop?" demanded Cassandra, "I might not be with the force but I still know enough about justice to say-"

"DETECTIVE!" Celestia interrupted sharply, "I have made my decision. Question it again, and you will face the consequences."

"Well fine, no need to get your pantaloons in a bunch. All the case files." said Cassandra, curtly dropping a manilla folder on the floor. Celestia's horn glowed, and in an instant, the folder burst into flames and crumbled into a pile of ash. The footman began escorting Cassandra to the door.

"I can see myself out." she said curtly.

They say blood is thicker than water, but my sister was being as thick as a bag of rocks. There had to be something more to this mystery, more layers than a colossal-grade onion. I swore that I'd chop through it until I found the truth, and when I did, it'd be the bad guys shedding all the tears.

She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out the grainy black and white photo of the cat burglar, staring at it intently.

With or without the Princess's blessing, I'll find you.

Comments

[Rotorix]

This story just gets more and more great! Now there's mystery added! And the likes of which to rival Sherlock Holmes!
This rivals things like MLD and Fallout:EQ!
Why this isn't printed and sold at retail, I'll never know.
Keep up the amazing work.
Best of luck

[RagamuffinQ]

Cassandra makes a great ex-cop pony! I love it!

[Super Trampoline]

I'm almost sad that the culprit wasn't applejack stealing the elements of harmony to feed her family since she's a shitty