The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Chapter 43: The Barbershop Quartet

Fluttershy was a shy pony. This was something that everypony with an ounce of perception knew. So, when Cassandra gave her singing lessons, she learned to be a great singer because Cassandra was that great of a teacher, but nopony got to enjoy the fruits of her labor. She did however, feel comfortable singing to her animals.

One day, she was singing about how much she loved Cassandra, when her friends came by to visit, and heard her gorgeous singing voice.

"Wow Fluttershy!" exclaimed Pinkie, "Your voice is so sweet! How come you've never shown us your amazing singing voice, outside of the musical numbers that we're not sure if they're actually 'happening,' and the Hearths Warming Eve Play? Is there a reason you don't often sing in front of crowds?"

The other were befuddled too, but Cassandra knew the answer, "it's because..." the others looked on in great anticipation, "she is...." the other ponies were sweating now, the suspense was killing them, "....shy." Cassandra finished.

"WhAaAaAaAaAaAattttttttttttt????????" exclaimed Rarity, her puny mind completely blown. "but I need you for my band!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do it." said Fluttershy apologetically.

"Well then, Cassandra, how about it? I'll give you some practice kissing~"

"Your offer is tempting, and while it's true that I have the most beautiful singing voice in all of Equestria, I'm afraid I must decline."

"But why?" cried Rarity.

"Because yours is an ensemble show," said Cassandra, "it wouldn't be right if one pony was such a great singer that she upstaged the rest of the cast. It's just like how whenever the TV crew comes by, I have to go into hiding, and you all have to pretend that there are only six Elements of Harmony."

"Well, ok." sighed Rarity, "it will be hard, but we will get along without Cassandra."

---

The next day, Big Mac got a sore throat. They went to see Zecora who said

"With my faith healing, I'll truly amaze! Watch as he's cured in 4-6 days!"

"Zecora, you know we love you" said Cassandra reassuringly, "but I think we ought to take him to the hospital, so that you don't have to cancel all your shows."

Rarity pondered for a minute, then responded, "Well, I hear what you're saying, and it's real nice... but I'm captain, so I shall ignore your advice."

"Big Mac agrees, don' he?" asked Applejack, nodding at her brother.

Big Mac shook his head furiously, and rasped out what sounded like a very strained, "eeeeenope."

Applejack chuckled, "Hyuck, hyuck, hyck, silly brother o mine, it dun matter, 'cause mares do all th' talkin' an' colts do all th' workin'. Apple family tradition!"

Zecora piped up, "In that case, we have no other choice. We'll poison your friend with a tenor voice."

"You have several other choices..." began Cassandra, but sadly the ponies were too blind to accept the immaculate wisdom of their best friend.

"We'll pull off a facade by having Big Mac lip synch the words and having Fluttershy hide behind a structure or facade. It sure is lucky that there's no such thing as auditory depth perception," said Rarity excitedly
.
So they did, and Fluttershy performed several concerts that didn't sound unusual at all, and helped Big Mac catch Cheerilee's eye.

"Whoa there brother o mine" cautioned Applejack, "as th' Applefamily's designated thinker, ah ferbid you ta date her, she listens ta Cyndi Clopper. No taste in music that one."

"Applejack, even the worst music from the Neighties is better than 90% of what we have today," said Cassandra, who was an expert on music.

"Horseapples! 'Mares Just Wanna Have Fun' doesn't even have a single step of dub! That's like an apple pie with no apples! "

"I'm sorry Applejack, but you've left me no choice. For poisoning the music with your bad taste in music, I sentence you to 50 years in exile!" The others flinched at the harshness of the punishment, but Cassandra was a fair and just pony, and they knew that she didn't take lightly to doling out punishments. Applejack was sad to be banished to the Frozen North, but on the bright side, Drake would be there to keep her company.

"Oh I beg of you to become our manager!" cried Rarity, "we literally may just forget how to breathe without your guidance."

"Well ok" said Cassandra, "the first thing you're going to need is a new song."

"What's wrong with Find the Music in You?"

"Ponies get tired of hearing the same thing over and over."

"I don't follow."

"It becomes repetitive and stale."

"That makes no sense."

"It's like... oh, wait I know how to make you understand - what if you wore the same dress every day?"

"Why that would be the Worst. Possible. Thing!" said Rarity, "strike that, second-worst after not getting to spend every waking moment with you."

---

Applejack arrived at the Frozen North where she met her idol Drake. Naively, she had expected to have a fulfilling conversation about poverty and life struggles. However, Drake in truth was a wealthy child-actor-turned-rapper, and very contemptuous towards the poor. Also he was an actual drake so he ate Applejack.

Comments

[metroid_freak]

trollfic.jpg

[metroid_freak]

4447009
What better way to troll than have us waste our time trying to figure out what they already know, i.e the character of Cassandra? Not to mention the fact that just by reading the description, her true nature and reason for being is pretty obvious. Hell, even the author name is a pretty blatant hint.

[MoldyShishkabob]

"Why that would be the Worst. Possible. Thing!" said Rarity, "strike that, second-worst after not getting to spend every waking moment with you."

We all know that feel.

[Personifire]

Applejack arrived at the Frozen North where she met her idol Drake. Naively, she had expected to have a fulfilling conversation about poverty and life struggles. However, Drake in truth was a wealthy child-actor-turned-rapper, and very contemptuous towards the poor. Also he was an actual drake so he ate Applejack.

Damn that was a twist.

[TGM]

4635369

recognize a good trollfic when you see one.

[fastnbulbous]

I don't care what anyone says, this is simply the most fantastic piece of literature in existence.

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

The next day, Big Mac got a sore throat. They went to see Zecora who said
"With my faith healing, I'll truly amaze! Watch as he's cured in 4-6 days!"

I'm pretty sure it should be on the same line