The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Chapter 65: The Premiere [Equestria Girls Specials, Part 3]

Juniper Montage was not having a good time. Thinking about her nemesis Cassandra who defeated her made her angry but also kind of aroused, and now she had to work at the mall theater where the meddling & sexy Cassandra’s music video was constantly playing.

“Junior Mintbox, we need you over here at the concession stand!” came the manager over the walkie-talkie. Juniper ignored him, and instead went to Mirrors & Sunglasses which was a kiosk directly across from Quills & Sofas. There, she spotted a magic mirror.

“If I pay for this, then my karma will be neutral again. If I let him keep the change, I’ll have positive karma, so I can kill the pesky attractive Cassandra and her friends!”

---

“I can’t wait for our movie premiere tonight!” said Rainbow Dash

“We’re just bit parts though” said Applejack

“But we’re on the poster, somehow” said Rarity.

Meanwhile, Sunset Shimmer was out of pages in her diary. “Oh alas, oh woe! This is sure to be the beginning of a dramatic tale of I and Twilight coming to terms with losing our only method of communication! Oh tragedy, oh pineapple pizza, I’ll nev-” she stopped upon noticing that Princess Twilight had written another message

“Come by my place and get a new diary.”

“That works too.”

---

Upon entering the pony world, Sunset instantly forgot she was a magical quadruped. She stumbled backwards into the books and hit her head. Two figures stood above her looking concerned. One looked like a cheap copy of someone she knew, but the other she recognized as the distinguished and irreplicable Cassandra.

“Cassandra...I must've hit my head pretty hard, because you look even hotter in pony form.”

“No babe, my level 99 neurology skills say your head is just fine.”

“You sure about that? Because I’m hallucinating that there’s a Twilight clone right next to you.” Cassandra generously decided to forgive Sunset Shimmer for doubting her - she was disoriented after all.

“I’m Starlight Glimmer, Twilight’s reformed student. I also helped her make the new diary for you. I taught myself a book-duplication spell, because I don’t believe in intellectual property. Ow!” Cassandra had pinched her.

“I do that every time she relapses it back to her equality-obsessed ways,” explained Cassandra

“There are worse ways to be punished,” conceded Starlight.

“Well, as long as she stays in her universe and I stay in mine, we shouldn’t have a prob-”

“I wanna go to the human world!” said Starlight. Sunset was uneasy but Cassandra said,

“I’ll chaperone her so she doesn’t make any trouble. You can trust me, I’m the element of Trust.” That made Sunset feel better. The three of them stepped through the portal and into the human world.

---

“Hey Janitor Mop-up!” said the theater manager

“For the last time, that’s not my name!”

“Well it should be, because I need you to go clean up a popcorn spill!” Juniper reluctantly went over, and wished that the popcorn would pick itself up. To her surprise, it did! Later, she tried it in front of two customers, but couldn’t get it to work.

“What exactly did you say to get it work?” suggested one, “maybe you have to say it verbatim, General Moustache.”

“Shut up,” said Juniper, “that can’t be it.” Not long after, Twilight and her friends came to the theater for the big premiere. “You six again?! And you couldn’t even be bothered to bring Cassandra with you?? This is just the worst, I wish you all would disappear!” To her shock, they all got sucked into the magic mirror.

Elsewhere, Starlight, Cassandra and Sunset were touring the mall.

“So I’ve had this body for all of 6 minutes, but I already feel like Cassandra’s is superior,” noted Starlight.

“That’s why you’re a genius,” said Cassandra, taking a lick of Starlight’s cone.

“Say, don’t they have ice cream in Equestria?” asked Sunset

“Yeah, but not like this. Blueberries that are really blue, wintergreen that’s vividly green, and strawberries that taste sweet! What magic is this?”

“Artificial-” began Sunset.

“Advanced magic” cut in Cassandra. She whispered to Sunset, “honesty is the least important element.”

“Hey, isn’t that Judicator Monserrat?” said Sunset, pointing to the concessions stand.

“Who’s Julia Mosspatch?” said Starlight

“That’s Jewelry-freak Mamba.” replied Sunset, “she tried to sabotage the movie when she was jealous of Cassandra. Luckily, we parted on good terms.” She went up to the concessions stand. “Hey Juvenile Motto, have you seen our friends?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself!!! I wish you were in the mirror!”

Sunset was sucked into the mirror and fell onto her friends.

“Sunset!”

“What are we going to do??” exclaimed Sunset

“Wait around for Cassandra to save us?” suggested Rainbow Dash.

“That’s… probably what’s going to happen,” admitted Twilight.

“Anyone got ideas to entertain us in the meantime?” said Pinkie.

“If only Cassandra were here to help pass the time while we waited for Cassandra to rescue us,” said Rarity. The others agreed.

---

With all the geodes inside, Juniper gained new powers and increased in height!

“She’s a gigantic monster!” exclaimed Starlight,

“For the last time, it’s Juniper Montage!!!!” said Juniper. She then noticed that she’d grown significantly in size “But point taken.”

She went outside and into a crowd of people, whom she thought were her adoring fans.

“Aaah! A strapless dress!” cried one bystander, dumbfounding Juniper.

“Er what? That’s the thing that scares you? Not that I’m two stories tall now?”

“Well, you’re not even as tall as one and a half Celestias… but all the demon-girls wear strapless dresses! Have a look at this... what's the word for a series of images? Nevermind just look!"

From their hiding place, Starlight whispered to Cassandra,

“We have to convince her to let our friends go.”

“I have a better idea,” said Cassandra. She used a flying kick to get the mirror away from Juniper. “I’ve seen this before.” She removed the gem at the back of the mirror.

---

“So then the doctor says, Ah have good news an’ bad news. Th’ good news is ya have chlamydia. Th’ bad news is, ya have an STD… huh, ah prolly shoulda said that th’ other way around. Anyway, that was mah Friday,” finished Applejack. The others looked at her with a mixture of shock and disgust. The crevasses forming in the ground were looking increasingly attractive to jump into.

“Look! A portal’s opening!” said Fluttershy.

“And not a moment too soon!” added Twilight. They all got sucked through, and came out safe and sound, except Applejack, who slipped on some ice cream and died. They all hugged Cassandra and Starlight - Cassandra generously not correcting their misconception that it was a joint effort.

"Juniper, are you sorry for what you did?" asked Dash.

"I guess so," said Juniper

"Then Juniper Montage, I officially declare you reformed!" said Pinkie. She threw some streamers and party-poppers for emphasis.

"Well thanks, but why couldn't you do after I tried to sabotage the film set?"

"Because that was just a misdemeanor, and for that you get elevated to sworn enemy. You have to commit a felony before you get to be reformed," explained Twilight.

"Well, I have thoughts on that, but I'm in no position to share them" said Juniper.

"Friends, sadly this is goodbye," said Starlight, "We know not if your paths will cross again..."

"Um, can't you use the portal to come back anytime you want?" asked Fluttershy. Starlight continued as if she hadn't heard.

"Weep not, for I leave you with a song to remember me by. This is an adaptation of a song from "Red Dwarf" And a one, and a two..." A band nearby began playing a march anthem (source material).

"If there's an exam she is sure to pass, she's wise and heroic with lots of class, without her you'd still be in a looking glass,"

A troupe of extras marched out wearing the same outfit as Starlight and sang the chorus,

"She's Starlight, Starlight, Starlight Glimmer, without her things would be much grimmer, she's so bright that the sun looks dimmer, she eats ice cream and stays slimmer.

"She's Starlight, Starlight, Starlight Glimmer, you're burnt toast, she's a five-course dinner, she makes experts look like beginners, she's as trendy as a fidget spinner."

"Starlight, how long is this song?" cut in Sunset.

"She came to a world that she barely knew, she risked her very life to save all of you, so listening politely is the least you can do."

"She's Starlight, Starlight, Starlight Glimmer, she's smarter and hotter than Sunset Shimmer, from California to East Timor, everypony loves Starlight Glimmer." They ended with a freeze-frame pose. The other looked on, completely unable to even.

“Cassandra, they’re so enchanted that they can’t even clap!” gushed Starlight.

“Yeah, that’s probably what it is,” replied Cassandra.

“You know, I think I’ve come around to your philosophy that absence makes the heart grow stronger,” said Sunset.

“Oh, I already know I’m great at forcing my views on other ponies,” said Starlight.

“Cassandra, hurry back soon!” said Rarity, “but not you, Starlight”

“You’re too kind!” blushed Starlight. Cassandra pulled her through the portal before Rarity could clarify.

Comments

[Thought Prism]

Huh. Everyone who wears a strapless dress is evil. I'll have to remember that.

[howard035]

Weird, Starlight feels really familiar to me for some reason. Does she have any level 99 skills?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

8462336
She has Level 12 magic skills, which is pretty above-average for unicorns.

[howard035]

8462529 That's pretty good. Is she bisexual?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

8462537
Yes

[howard035]

8462835 Sounds like she needs practice.