The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Chapter 66: The Cure

Zecora was helping Fluttershy gather things from the swamp.

“Zecora, can you get me some of that moss?” she asked, pointing to some moss floating in the water.

“It would be much easier to get those things, if I were a pegasus with wings,” said Zecora.

“Oh, I know, but I’m scared that Shrek will attack me”

“Do not worry, I shall be brave, for this zebra is your humble-“

“Just go.” So Zecora went into the swamp, and breathed in the pollen from a mysterious flower.

---

Later that day, Zecora was sneezing and coughing up bubbles. Fluttershy called up Twilight, as well as Cassandra, who had Level 99 healing skills, to examine her.

“Cassandra, I am feeling ill, but I don’t believe in using pills.”

“That is a conundrum,” said Cassandra

“A what?” asked Twilight.

“It means something hard to figure out,” said Cassandra, “but I think I know. Long ago, there was a sorceress called Mage Meadowbrook, who was said to have the cure for Swamp Fever, but she went missing years ago.”

“You mean she d- mmph!” began Twilight, before Cassandra shoved a hoof into her mouth.

“This is a TV-Y show. She went missing, got it?”

“Mm-hmm,” nodded Twilight. Cassandra removed the hoof from her mouth.

“Can I suck on your hoof some more?” asked Twilight.

“Later,” said Cassandra, “for now, we have to find a cure for Zecora. Luckily, I know where Meadowbrook used to live. I bet if we visit her house, we can find some clues. However, Fluttershy, my level 99 diagnostic skills are telling me that you’ve contracted the illness. You must stay home and rest.” Fluttershy felt extremely guilty about making Zecora sick, but Cassandra was her smartest friend, as well as the Element of Trust, meaning Fluttershy knew she could trust Cassandra’s judgement in all matters.

“Ok, I’ll stay here and warm up the bed.” Cassandra, being really hot and bisexual, was used to getting hit on by every mare in town, so she just ignored Fluttershy’s pass at her.

---

They went to Mage Meadowbrook’s house, where they met her descendant, Cattail.

“Catrails have no value in nutrition, medicine, or textiles,” said Twilight, “it must be hard to have a cutie mark of something that has no purpose.”

“Twilight!” scolded Cassandra. The princess was highly book smart and eager to share her knowledge, but did not always have a gauge on when it was appropriate to do so.

“Mah talent is makin’ cattails look like hot dogs, an’ trickin’ ponies inta eatin’ them!”

“I wasn’t aware that was a profitable industry” said Twilight

“Well it ain’t yet, but ah film my exploits so that when somepony invents a sharin’ platform that allows recorded videos ta be viewed publicly, ah’ll start a prank channel an’ make millions!!”

“That sounds like it would only appeal to the ponies in the very lowest echelon of both intelligence and maturity.” said Twilight.

“Er, that’s a fancy way of saying she loves it,” improvised Cassandra, diplomatically saving them from conflict like she did in Yakyakistan Trade Dispute of 1354. “Now, we need to find a cure for Swamp Fever, and we understand that your great-great-great grandmother found a cure for Swamp Fever, do you know what it is?

“Hell naw, ah’ve been too preoccupied with mah cattail thang, laughter is the best medicine y’know.”

“Hmm, then we’ll just have to use knowledge to figure it out,” said Cassandra, luckily we have two smart ponies here.” They thought about it for a minute before Cassandra said, “It must be something exclusive to this swamp.”

“Yeah,” said Twilight.

“And it must be something hard to acquire, otherwise it’d be more widely known.”

“Right,” said Twilight.

“I’ve got it! I bet it’s the honey from the flash bee hive!” proclaimed Cassandra triumphantly.

“We did it!” exclaimed Twilight, linking hooves with Cassandra and jumping up and down, “we each made an equal contribution to discovering the cure!”

“Right,” said Cassandra brushing Twilight off politely, “but the hard part is how do we get it? Like most things with ‘Flash’ in their name, the flash bees are very unpleasant to be around.”

“Flash bee stings can hurt and even knock you out,” said Twilight

“Unless, you have a mask!” exclaimed Cassandra, “I bet that bird mask was key to getting the honey.”

“Cassandra, we just made another brilliant discovery together!” said Twilight. Cassandra knew it was better for morale not to correct her. As they bravest pony present, Cassandra was tasked with gathering the honey. The mask wasn’t perfect because Mage Meadowbrook only had Level 87 crafting skills. Most of the swarm left Cassandra alone but a few of them stung her. Cassandra had no resistances to the stings, except an unbreakable will to save her friends. So she fought through the pain and the burning, to gather enough honey to save everyone.

---

Arriving back home, Cassandra quickly delivered the antidote to Fluttershy and Zecora.

“For Cassandra, this brilliance is par for the course. I am no longer feeling hoarse.” said Zecora.

“So what did we miss?” asked Cassandra.

“Not much,” replied Fluttershy, “If you had done something that an unreliable pony would do, like take a 3-day nap, things might be different, but because you solved the problem so quickly, not a lot has changed. Although, nopony’s seen Applejack for a while...”

“When Applejack came to visit me, she instantly turned into a tree!” said Zecora

“Well that doesn’t surprise me; her propensity for consanguineous relationships has surely given her a compromised immune system,” said Cassandra.

“I sneezed on her, and immediately, she sprouted branches with greenery!” continued Zecora

“So where is she now?”

“Two beavers from the Everfree, chewed through her tree trunk vigorously.”

“Well that’s unfortunate; my magic could’ve restored her if she was still intact, but-“

“They divided her up evenly, then used her to make those dams you see.”

“Zecora, can’t you see you’re upsetting Fluttershy?” scolded Cassandra, pointing at the whimpering pony

“Her loss was not in vanity, for they channel the waters efficiently.”

“I suppose so,” said Fluttershy, wiping her eyes. “Wait, look, they’re starting to fall apart!”

“Well they stayed standing for longer than most things Applejack builds,” observed Cassandra

“A swarm of termites, apparently. They've devoured her in her entirety.” explained Zecora. Fluttershy was about to tear up again but Cassandra had comforting words,

“Don’t be sad Fluttershy, be happy for Applejack, because that was the most edible thing she ever made. She’d have wanted it that way.”

“Thanks Cassandra, you always know just what to say.”

“I know, now who wants tofu nuggets with Szechuan Sauce?”

“Gasp!” said Twilight, who understood Rick and Morty because she had a high IQ, “Cassandra, I had to wait 6 hours in line at Hayburger just for a small packet, and that was with the influence of my princessly authority. How did you get it?”

“Who do you think came up with the idea to bring it back? Only somepony who’s smart, beautiful, and has an appreciation of the 1990s, objectively the best decade, could have done it.”

“Wait a minute Cassandra, you’re all of those things!” said Fluttershy.

“Indeed I am,” said Cassandra, “indeed, I am.” Thanks to Cassandra’s efforts, the only ailment they had to worry about was loving Cassandra too much.

Comments

[Thought Prism]

I think this is the most gruesome death you've put ol' AJ through yet. 10/10.

[howard035]

I would have thought Cassandra was smart enough to know that the 80s was a cultural golden age, while the 90s was a lost decade. Maybe they get pop culture 10 years later in Equestria.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

8527962
My OC Cassandra has level 99 cultual skills. If Cassandra says the 90’s are the best decade, then it must be so.

[Dlaf rferg]

I'm not sure whether this story is a disaster or a masterpiece, so I dub it a disasterpiece.