Chapter 32: The Comic Book
The Mane 7 were at the Castle of the Two sisters, restoring the place to make it look nice. All of them had a job to do, but Cassandra's was by far the most strenuous. She was restoring ancient statues without any descriptions to go by. In spite of this, she did all of them correctly. Because she was done a lot faster than everypony else, and because she always looked out for her friends, she decided to see if they needed any help.
"Hey Twilight, how's the book translation going?"
"Not too good."
"You mean 'not too well." corrected Cassandra.
"These books are in Japanese, which I don't speak. If only I knew somepony who did."
"But you do, Twilight-san."
"Gasp! Cassandra, you speak Japanese, don't you?"
"Hai," said Cassandra. "I learned from watching anime."
"You mean like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh?"
Understandably, Cassandra wanted to retort with "No, you casual philistine!" but she held herself back, after all not everypony could be a real otaku like her. "Here, I'll teach you a few words. This word means 'pony' and this one means 'magic,' and this one..."
"Whoa, slow down," interjected Twilight, "nopony could learn that fast."
"I did, but I realize that everypony learns at a different pace. You practice those words, and I'll finish your translating."
After translating the books, she went to see how Spike was doing. Along the way she came across Applejack, who had somehow managed to get herself tangled up in a tapestry hanging on the wall
“Mmph” said Applejack, her voice muffled.
"Before you say anything, I don't want to know how this happened, and if I help you out, you'll never learn."
"Mmph" said Applejack, grateful for this valuable lesson.
"Hey kiddo, how's it going?" Cassandra asked Spike
After shaking the hearts out of his eyes, he said, "I feel so useless. I can't carry as much as the ponies, and I'm always dropping things." He dropped some paint cans and rollers.
"That's not true, Spike. You can bake, you keep Twilight safe & sane, and you communicate with the Princess."
"Thanks Cassandra. You always know just what to say. Hey, wanna see my comic book?"
"Sure. It wouldn't happen to be the Power Ponies, would it?"
"How'd you know?"
"You strike me as a dragon of sophisticated tastes"
"Aw shucks" blushed Spike, "hey look, there's a message here." He didn't have Level 99 vision like Cassandra, so he got out a magnifying glass to read it, "You can return to the place you started when the Mane-iac is defeated. Take a closer look to join the adventure in this book.”
Suddenly, a magic vortex opened up and sucked them all in!
They looked around at their surroundings. They were in a city with huge skyscrapers and a lingering darkness. All of them except Cassandra were wearing weird costumes.
"Cassandra, where are we?" asked Twlight
"I'll let Spike explain" said Cassandra generously.
"We're in the Power Ponies comic book, Maretropolis" said Spike, and you six are the Power Ponies. Rainbow Dash is Zapp with the powers of nature."
"Aw yeah!"
Pinkie is Fillysecond with super speed. Rarity is Radiance with the power of creating things. Twilight is Matterhorn, with the power to do a variety of spells."
"I'll just do ice" said the unimaginative alicorn.
"Fluttershy" said Spike, "has super strength, but she needs to get angry to use it"
"Oh dear" said Fluttershy, "I guess I could be the team doctor or something."
"Well, that's great," moaned Twilight, "that's like if Applejack's power worked with brain and not brawn". Cassandra and Spike looked at each other uneasily.
"So which of the power ponies are you, Spike?" asked Pinkie. Spike looked at his costume and his face fell, "I'm Humdrum," he sighed. "The useless one."
"Hey at least you got a part" said Cassandra. The only new clothing she had acquired was a nametag that read, "Scared Bystander #3."
"I don't get it" said Rarity, who said that phrase a lot.
"There are only seven roles and eight of us." Cassandra sighed, "who'd want to read a story about me anyway?"
"Oh Cassandra, don't say that" said Fluttershy comfortingly.
"Yeah, I don't read many books" said Rainbow Dash, "but if there was one about you, it'd be the most awesomest ever!"
"Probably a romance novel" said Rarity seductively.
"One thing's for sure," said Twilight, "it would be the best book ever, because you're the best friend, and the best pony!"
"Hey, thanks you guys" said Cassandra. They had a group hug. From below there came a maniacal laugh that could only belong to the nerfafious Mane-iac.
“AHAHAHAAHA!!! First I will steal this orb from the museum. Then, I will figure out the Power Ponies’ secret identities, and then, I will rule the world!!!!”
One of the younger henchponies turned to an older one and whispered, “Is she serious about the secret identities thing? Because I’m pretty sure the Power Ponies were calling each other by their real names, and those costumes don’t even cover their coat color, or ma-”
“Unh-uh” cut in the older henchpony, “boss doesn’t like it when other ponies say the M word.”
“What, mane?”
“MANE????” shrieked the Mane-iac, grabbing the older henchpony with her hair tendrils and tossing him over the horizon. Then she turned to the younger henchpony, “YOU!!! Figure out why employee turnover is so high!!”
“Well, the fact that you keep killing them is probably the main reason...shit.”
“MANE???” She shrieked, grabbing a hot dog stand and crushing the henchpony with it.
“Stop right there, evildoer!” said Spike, “The Power Ponies are here to save the day!” But they all messed up their superpowers, and were unable to stop the Mane-iac.
“Hey, how come she don’t just use her hair thingies as a garotte?” wondered Applejack.
“What a good idea, Blunder Woman!” snarked the Mane-iac. She used her hair thingies as a garotte on Applejack. “I’m in a hurry now, but the rest of you shall suffer the same fate in due time! AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!”
The five remaining Power Ponies trailed her to her top secret shampoo factory.
“C’mon out, Mane-iac!” demanded Rainbow.
“MANE????” the doors were blasted right off their hinges and the Mane-iac and her henchmen attacked.
“Look out for the hairspray!” said Spike, “It’ll freeze you and take away your powers.”
“Then our best plan of action is to charge right at her!” declared Twilight. So they did, and they all got frozen. Cassandra, who had the good sense not to charge straight in, was safe, as was Spike.
“Nopony’s downfall has ever come from underestimating their enemy” explained the Mane-iac.
“Well now what?” said Spike, “All the ponies with power are kidnapped.”
“That’s not true” said Cassandra, “you have a great power too, the power of being underestimated. It’s like in Survivor, none of them think you’re a threat, so none of them will go after you. Even if you haven’t got a chance of actually winning the million, well, a hundred thousand isn’t a bad consolation prize.”
Tears welled up in Spike’s eyes, “you’ve restored my confidence Cassandra, thank you! I can save my friends, and I will!”
Cassandra used her level 99 sneaking skills to help Spike get through the vents and infiltrate the factory where their friends were being held hostage. Down on the floor below, two fabulous henchponies were taking a cigarette break.
"I get ponies making assumptions about me all the time," said one, "they think I like wearing makeup and hair products, and I gotta tell 'em that no in fact I like mares, I just wear the uniform I have to to pay the bills."
"I hear that," said the other, "the other day I was chatting up this chick from Manehattan, and-"
"MANE????" Screamed the Mane-iac.
"Uh, n-no boss, I said 'pain."
"GOOD! That’s a good word to have in your VOCABULARY!!!!” She slunk away.
“Phew” said the henchpony, “that was- AUGH!” The Mane-iac had re-appeared in front of their faces.
“THIS IS A NON-SMOKING AREA!!!!!” she snuffed out their cigarettes with her hair tendrils.
From up on the balcony, Spike asked Cassandra, “what are we going to do?”
“I’m going to save the day.”
“But how? You don’t have any superpowers.”
“I’m going to save the day, without superpowers.”
“GASP!” said Spike, “that’s not possible!”
“Just watch.” She gracefully floated down to the floor, and immediately drop-kicked two evil henchponies. The rest charged at her, but she dodged, and they slammed into each other. She conjured up a cage spell and trapped one inside. Then, they pulled out their fabulous weapons, but Cassandra disarmed them expertly. They realized they didn’t stand a chance, so they tried to retreat through the exit door, but it was locked.
“Oh dear, that’s a serious OSHA violation” said the Mane-iac, grabbing the key with her hair tendrils and unlocking the door, “but I trust that all of you will stay loyally by my side, even if given the option to abandon me in time of need.”
“Sorry boss, but you thought wrong. We’re gettin’ out of here with whatever dignity remains.”
“MANE?????” but before she could go into an outburst, Cassandra used her level 99 agility to grab the Mane-iac’s tentacles and tie her up. Realizing that she stood no match against the might of Cassandra, she accepted her fate.
“To be defeated by such a beautiful pony, and a civillian no less. I don’t suppose there’s any chance I could offer some practice kissing for a reduced sentence?”
“Sorry sweetie, but I get plenty and more from the adult section at Enchanting Comics. Now, no ordinary jail cell can hold you, so I’ve got something better in mind.” She hauled the Mane-iac to an echo chamber and locked her inside.
“You haven’t seen the last of the Mane-iac!” cackled the Mane-iac.
“the Mane-iac!” said her echo
“MANE???”
MANE???
“MANE???????”
MANE??????
“STOP SAYING MANE!!!!”
“STOP SAYING MANE!!!!”
“YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, OR MY NAME ISN’T THE MANE-IAC!!!”
“THE MANE-IAC!!!”
“MANE?????”
Dear Princess Celestia,
Yeah, I’m still writing you letters in Season 4, deal with it. Captain Hammer put it best when he said, “Everyone’s a hero in their way. Everyone can blaze a hero’s trail. Don’t worry if it’s hard. If you’re not a friggin’ tard, you will prevail.” You don’t need superpowers or fancy gadgets to be a hero, you just need nerves of steel, and a passion for taking the law into your own hands. Now if you’ll excuse me, my Bat of Righteousness has an appointment with the evil Junebug Jaywalker’s kneecaps.
-Your faithful student…
“Spike, what are you doing in there?” called Cassandra, who was babysitting while Twilight was in one of her book-induced zen states.
“Uh, nothing” said Spike
“I have trouble believing that, considering you were dictating your letter out loud. Now give me the Bat of Righteousness.”
Spike sighed and handed it over, “I just wanted to save somepony.”
“But don’t you see Spike? You saved me from having to clean up one of your messes.”
"Thanks Cassandra, you've really lifted my spirits."
"Any time."
"So hey, what was that about the adult section at Enchanted Comics?"
And now it's my turn to be a hero and save your innocence, thought Cassandra. "I don't know what you're talking about."
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Never before have I seen a story so widely accepted and hated at the same time. What's your secret?
3792546
Knowing your audience.
3792589
I would have to say that you don't know your audience very well, otherwise you would have less downvotes. How does that work exactly?
Unless... is this a trollfic? That would explain everything.
Phew. I couldn't finish the rest of this, but I got to Ch. 10.
for me.
Ahem. Does anyone have any aspirin?
3792710 draw mana from the glory of Cassandra.
3792638 I would have to say the same for a good amount of the down voters who excuse this as just another "look at my super original OC" without reading more into to realize what this story really is. It's a parody of those types of stories while trying to be and not to be at the same time. It just works for some reason. While unfortunately some people say "nyx" is the only acceptable OC and some people feel they HAVE to include her into their stories even when dealing with canon. I can say it's same crap too, just that the author put alot more effort into it. Cassandra is basically just an added character to the already established episodes, but not just as another Deus Ex Machina/Mary Sue... but as an OC who is also raising the finger to the characters for their flaws in the episode already as well as to the audience that makes it edgy and funny.
3792589 That answer alone is enough to net you one more upvote.
I love this.
Apparently....*checks view count* 2,875 people.