The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Chapter 47: The Babies

It was approximately 9 months after Mr and Mrs Cake's romantic getaway.

"Mrs. Cake is looking heavier than usual" observed Twilight, "I wonder if it's because she's been eating too many sweets, or not exercising, or both. Sorry, what was the question again?"

"I was asking if you'd like sugar in your coffee," said Mr. Cake.

"Oh, no thank you, sugar makes you gain weight like Mrs. Cake. I know these things because I've read more books on nutrition than everypony, except Cassandra, of course."

"Of course. Who do you think taught me to make this coffee?"

"I'm not surprised that Cassandra makes the best coffee in the world. She has a mystical connection with the earth and its plants despite being a pegasus, and can do magic despite being a unicorn."

"She is great isn't she?" sighed Mr Cake, "if I wasn't married to Mrs Cake, I'd...."

"And I would too if I wasn't married to you, honeybun," said Mrs. Cake. She gave him a peck on the cheek.

---

A little while later, Mrs. Cake gave birth to twins, one filly and one colt. They were named in honor of Cassandra, who saved the shop from a giant pumpkin by pounding it to a pulp.

"Where do babies come from?" asked Pinkie

"You seriously don't know?" said Cassandra.

"Of course not; I spent my childhood on a Puritan rock farm, and my adulthood acting like a child."

"Touche."

"Babies come from that thing that me an' Braeburn do whenever he comes over fer a visit" said Applejack, "or at least it would if he din't wear a rubber- mmph!" Cassandra had shoved a hoof in Applejack's mouth.

"So if I do construction on the barn while I'm not wearing a raincoat, it'll make babies happen?"

Twilight chuckled, "no, Pinkie. The facilitation of zygogenesis is initiated when a stallion- mmph!" Cassandra had shoved one of her back hooves into Twilight's mouth, using her level 99 balancing skills to keep herself steady now that two of her legs were preoccupied with silencing overly talkative ponies.

JD was tending to the Cakes and their new babies "Congratulations you guys, they're going great." He walked away and thought to himself, "I guess my whole theory about life and death balancing each other out in the hospital doesn't hold true. I guess sometimes you get lucky"

Applejack sang a stanza of "Waiting For My Real Life to Begin." Then she died.

"I should foalsit them because I'm closest in terms of maturity," suggested Pinkie.

"That makes sense. After all, pegasi of a feather, flock together," said Mrs. Cake.

"Nopony says that," said Cassandra. They should have listened to her because not only was she a pegasus, but she was a lot smarter than them thanks to her level 99 intelligence.

"Good luck with foalsitting, Pinkie Pie" said Mr Cake.

"I believe you mean that without the comma," said Cassandra, "I had planned on protecting Ponyville from the hydra in the bog, but I have level 99 multitasking skills, I can do that and watch over Pinkie. As the Element of Trust, it's my duty to ensure that less competent ponies earn my trust."

"Well you just go on and save Ponyville. Your Auntie Pinkie Pie will take care of the babies."

"I'm a millennium older than you" remarked Cassandra.

"Don't you worry. I'm right in my Element as long as they continue to have laughter as their only emotion."

---

Cassandra was at the bog making peace talks with the hydra when she started getting a feeling that something had gone wrong with Pinkie, so she flew back to Sugarcube Corner at the speed of sound. She could hear the sound of babies crying from inside.

"C-come on babies don't cry" said Pinkie nervously "Oh I know, I'll tell you a joke. A zebra and a mortician are on the Hindenbird..."

"Hold it right there, you silly filly!" said Cassandra, "you are foalsitting wrong!" They're crying because they need their bottles." She gave them their bottles and took off.

Negotiations had gotten hostile back at the bog. Cassandra was forced to restrain the hydra by tying his necks around a tree, but she couldn't tie the knots too tight without hurting the creature. She had just enough time to go back and help Pinkie.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie desperately tried to maintain order. "Pumpkin, stop chewing on toys! Pound, stop pounding things! If you guys don't behave, you're going to have a time out in the corner."

"Nonpony puts babies in the corner!" said Pound.

"Pinkie, it's normal for babies to chew on things, you can't stop them anymore than you can stop the tides from turning. Pound, however, you will be in trouble if you keep pounding things and talking back."

"Hey, it's not my fault that nondescript magic is used as a justification for employing the hackneyed 'all babies are secretly geniuses' trope."

"One more word, young stallion," said Cassandra harshly. Pound got the message and clammed up. "Now Pinkie, foalsitting means more than just extra playtime Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate. Sometimes your desire for responsibility can outrun your actual ability to handle it."

Pinkie's eyes went wide, "Cassandra, that is such a good lesson! I'm so glad to have a pony as smart as you as my friend." Pound fluttered down to the floor and Pumpkin's horn shut off, the magical surge was over.

"I taught them to say their first word" said Cassandra.

"Pinkie" said Pound
"Pie" said Pumpkin.

Pinkie squealed with delight, "oooh Cassandra! You taught them to say my name instead of yours! That's so selfless! You're the best foalsitter of all time!"

Cassandra shook her head. "No Pinkie, the magic was in you the whole time."

"You mean it?"

"Nah I'm just joshing with you, I did all the work. But keep at it. you're great at baking cakes, someday you'll be just as great at foalsitting them."

As it turned out, the hydra was attracted to Queen Chrysalis. Being a fully ordained minister, Cassandra wed the two of them, and the hydra never had to eat ponies again, and thanks to his love, Chrysalis never had to invade Equestria again. Cassandra did all this while making sure Pinkie didn't screw up, because she's just that good.

Comments

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

5709362 I cannot fathom where you got that impression from.

[Phaedra]

This is satirical, isn't it? If it is, my deepest respects.

[BikerPon3]

5782391

Nuff said.