Chapter 16: Luna
It was Nightmare Night in Ponyville and all the ponies were reveling in the festivities. Cassandra had cast a spell the moon to make it shine extra brightly on their holiday. Everypony was in costume except Cassandra, for whom it was futile - no disguise could conceal her radiance.
Princess Luna came down on her bat-themed chariot with two guards designed to look like minions of Tartarus,
“THINE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT ARRIVETH!” she said, “WE WOULDST LIKE TO TAKE PART IN THE FESTIVITIES.”
Cassandra facehoofed. She cast a spell that made Luna talk at a normal volume
“That’s better, thank you Cassandra or can we call you sister?” said Luna
“I’d prefer you didn’t, I don’t want ponies to get jealous of me for being the princess’s long lost sister.” said Cassandra.
“Very well.” said Luna
“Mighty Princess of the crown, it’s an honor to have you grace our town.” said Zecora
“”Um.. ok?” said Luna, “And who pray tell is that cow pirate over there?”
“Oi! I is called Pip, an’ I isn’t a chairman mao!” replied the Cockney pony, “bu’ I guess it’s ‘ard to find a pair o’ posh n’ becks on the moon, so I forgive you.”
“Pip is a pinto pony” explained Cassandra, “he’s a child, and he’s easily amused, so just don’t say anything else stupid and the two of you will get along swimmingly.”
“Noted” said Luna
“Well, I have to go to the Earth’s core to recharge the Elements of Harmony. Don’t play Face Spiders while I’m gone.”
“But… ‘tis our favorite game” protested Luna
“Ugh, Luna, you really are too much sometimes” said Cassandra, exasperatedly, “Chess is a game, tennis is a game, turning spider dolls into real-live black widows is NOT a game, you imbecile.” She took off with a sonicboom that made Rainbow Dash’s signature Rainboom look like a christmas popper.
“So…” said Luna, trying not to disappoint her long lost sister, “thou likest pirates?”
“Aye” said Pip, “I’m gonna get me own flying kip an’ sail round the world”
“Umm” said Luna, fishing for something to talk about, “Piracy was outlawed in the year 1428 of our lord, and by mine own orders, five and twenty pirates didst lose their heads. Whilst we were on the moon, our sister didst decree that the guillotine was cruel and unusual. Instead, she didst harness the thunder of the skies and haveth the condemned seated in a wooden chair with a peculiar headpiece and leather restraints.”
“Ya got any ***s?” said Pip.
“Steady thy tongue!” barked Princess Luna, taken aback “that vulgar word doth be offensive to Cassandra, who is bisexual.”
“Cor blimey, I was just askin’ if you ‘ad any t‘bacco sticks. Me paren’s wont let me ‘ave ‘em on account of dey say it isn’ good for a boots’n’kicks year old.”
“I see” said Luna, “in that case indeed, help thyself.”
“Wot’s bisexual?” asked Pip.
*****
Cassandra arrived at her destination, then flew up 300 feet in the air. She took a deep breath and shot into the ocean like a dart. She was aiming for the deepest point in all of Equestria, the Mareiana Trench. She dove down, and hit the water, smashing through the surface like glass. As she neared the bottom, she activated her pressure spell. That would protect her from imploding, but for air she was on her own. She’d been practicing holding her breath and could do it for 15 minutes.
As she reached max speed, she hit the bottom with a mighty crash. The ground fractured, and it grew to a fissure. It was a tight fit to get through, but Cassandra had been watching her figure to ensure that she could - Pinkie Pie wouldn’t have been able to make it. She was in an underground cavern, and going deeper. She passed gold and gems along the way, but remained steadfast. Such distractions would waylay a pony like Applejack who was always complaining about being poor. Although maybe she could make it through with a pair of blinders, thought Cassandra.
Finally she came to the lava flow at the very center of the earth. The Elements had to be fully submerged and she couldn’t drop them, so there was no way around it, her hoof had to go into the lava too. She had a spell to damper the pain, but it still felt like her hoof was in a pot of boiling water. Rarity would have given up and gone home; messing up her fur was the end of the world as far as she was concerned. Cassandra winced at the pain, but held her hooves steady until the Elements started to glow. It was done, Equestria was safe once again.
*****
Cassandra returned to find the town in turmoil. Ponies were running in terror, spiders were crawling all over everypony, and if she didn’t know better, she would have guessed that Luna had turned back into Nightmare Moon
“Does somepony want to tell me what the hell is going on here?” she shouted
Zecora shouted back, “The princess had gone mad, nopony knows why! Do something quickly before we all die!”
“Anypony else want to try that?” asked Cassandra
“We kept reminding her of her darkest and most painful memories, and out of nowhere she just snapped!” replied Pinkie Pie
“Are there any black widow spiders?” asked Cassandra
“Why yes” said Twilight, “in fact Applejack got bitten and she died.”
“Well good thing I got here before anything serious happened,” replied Cassandra, “don’t worry, I can fix this.”
“LUNA!” she called out
“YOUR PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT IS HAVING FUN! THIS TRULY IS A NIGHTMARE NIGHT!”
“Luna, have some candy. According to folklore, that appeases you.”
“VERY WELL, WE SHALT ACCEPT YOUR CANDY BUT NOT BE APPEASED!”
“Oh is that how it’s going to be?” snarled Cassandra. She lunged at Nightmare Moon. The princess tried to repel her with magic, but Cassandra easily broke through. In an instant, she had her pinned on the ground.
“Get ahold of yourself!” she shouted “GET! Ahold! of! yourself!” slapping her with each syllable. Finally Luna came to,
“Oh my” she said, “didst we become Nightmare Moon again?”
“Yes” said Cassandra.
“And didst thou striketh us? Were thou not our long lost sister, the penalty would be death”
“Then I guess everything worked out for the best - you’re all better now, and you gave us a new ghost to haunt the town. But why’d you do it?”
“They wouldst not stop calling us Nightmare Moon and running in terror. Tis very hurtful considering how much we have tried to reform. We even verbalized that the entire holiday is a mockery us, but our logical reasoning didst only aggravate them further!”
“Luna, being a celebrity means constantly getting judged and ridiculed by the common folk. It’s just a thing they do.”
“So thou art saying they do these things because they love us?” inquired Luna.
“Sure, if that helps you sleep at night” said Cassandra.
“Luna, you’re my favourite Princess besides Cassandra.” said Pip
Rainbow Dash was sneaking up behind Cassandra to startle her with a thundercloud.
“Nope” said Cassandra. She clicked her hooves together and the cloud zapped Rainbow Dash instead.
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The word count for this chapter is 1234
Cassandra versus Erroria, the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.
That would be the best chapter ever!
This chapter was fantastic too!
How many times has Applejack died by now? Four or five?
The moment I saw "my OC don't steal", I instantly knew what this will be, and I'm not bothered to read it. It was funny maybe the first few times it was done, but by now it's... meh. Gonna go waste my time elsewhere.
3293334 "guy" can be gender neutral.
Trottingham rhyming slang? Gods help us!
Suuuuuuuuuuuuck You Sir Suck SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK SUUUUUCK IMA SPAM YOUR YOUTUBE PAGE WITH SUUUUUUUUUUCK AND YOUR THE ONLY ONE ON MYSPACE CUZ IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS
“Why yes” said Twilight, “in fact Applejack got bitten and she died.”
“Well good thing I got here before anything serious happened,” replied Cassandra, “don’t worry, I can fix this.”
--Apple-Chan Hatery
“Oh is that how it’s going to be?” snarled Cassandra. She lunged at Nightmare Moon. The princess tried to repel her with magic, but Cassandra easily broke through. In an instant, she had her pinned on the ground.
“Get ahold of yourself!” she shouted “GET! Ahold! of! yourself!” slapping her with each syllable. Finally Luna came to,
--Why did'nt Twilight do that?
~The Great Zo- Ahh! Shes got a gun! Cassandra uses her gun and shoots the Zoroark with her perfect aim because Star swirl taught her how to fight.
I want to see more Luna and Pip. Right now.
You're not my MOM!
THERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!
Pip, pip, cheerio! Blimey, look at the time! It's time for tea and crumpets with me mum! Terribly sorry, my good sir/madam, but I must depart. Farewell!