//------------------------------// // Chapter 31: Hearts and Hooves Day // Story: The Cassandra Chronicles // by CassandraMyOCisBestpony //------------------------------// It was Hearts and Hooves Day in Ponyville, and everypony was thinking about love, especially the foals of Cheerilee's class. One filly in particular was looking to capitalize on this day to make a stunning confession. "H-h-hey DT" said Silver Spoons, nervously fidgeting with her glasses "I, uh got you something..." She was hiding a box of chocolates behind her back. "Ooh! Let me go first!" said a peppy Diamond Tiara, "I got you a Rubik's cube. It's a platonic solid, in honor of our platonic friendship. Silver Spoon's face fell, but she tried to be enthusiastic, "I love things that are multi-faced hard to figure out!" "I know you do! So what's my present?" "It's a box of chocolates. Oh and look, the box is a platonic solid too, because I knew about the whole platonic thing." "Aww you shouldn't have!" said Tiara sweetly. To herself she muttered, "wonder how much more free stuff I can get before I have to put out?" The Cutie Mark Crusaders had made a paper heart for Cheerilee, their favorite teacher in the whole world. They had followed Cassandra's advice to the letter - "don't let Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo lay a hoof on it" - and consequentially it was the most beautiful perfect heart that any foal in the history of the world had ever made. "So Cheerilee, who's your very special somepony?" asked Sweetie Belle. "I don't have one" said Cheerliee. "You don't?" exclaimed a surprised Scootaloo "But yer the best teacher ever!" pointed out Applebloom, "an' Big Mac said you were a really good floral Hawaiian necklace." Cheerilee blushed, 'the occasional dalliance does not a special somepony make, girls. Remember that when you get older." "Ah don't know what all those words mean but ah will." said Applebloom.. After school got out for the day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders made it their mission to play cupid. But it proved to be harder than first expected, the stallions of Ponyville, to put it bluntly, left much to be desired. "How about Caramel?" suggested Scootaloo. "Nah, Rarity says grass seeds aren't the only seeds he loses too easily." said Sweetie Belle, "Wait, what?" said Caramel's girlfriend. "How about that old guy with the pipe cutie mark?" suggested Sweetie Belle. "Granny Smith said he was too smart ta be gold-digged, whatever that means." said Applebloom. "How about Button?" "HIIISSSSSSSS" snarled Sweetie Belle, startling the other two, "that is to say, he may be a little too young for her." "Maybe?" asked Scootaloo, "so the door's open for hooking her up with one of our classmates? How about Twist? Nerds and teachers are like peanut butter and chocolate, aren't they?" "HEY!" said Twist, "nerdism ithn't ok, dethpite The Big Bang Theory making a mockery of my people. It'th worse than a minthrel show!" She pulled out a Bazinga t-shirt, lit it on fire, and ran away screaming "Thuck on it, Lorre!!!" The cutie mark crusaders stared dumbfoundedly at the scene they had just witnessed, until Sweetie Belle broke the silence, "So in review, our choices are Snips, Snails, and Big Mac. Big Mac, then?" "ah bet ah'll get outta doin' mah homework!" exclaimed Applebloom The three fillies stopped by Twilight's house to get a book on Hearts and Hooves Day. "Oh sure you can have the book, girls! I'm so happy to see you reading!" said Twilight gleefully, but then she paused. "Wait, this book tells you how to make some very powerful potions with very simple directions. You're not going to do anything dangerous with it, are you?" "Not intentionally" said Sweetie Belle. "I really should ask more questions," said Twilight, "but on the other hoof, there's only 8 hours, 45 minutes, and 22 seconds of H&H left and I haven't gotten any. Bye!" She galloped away muttering to herself, "Dammit, why do I keep thinking 'royal guard, blue mane?' Next family gathering's gonna be real, real awkward." The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat in their clubhouse reading the Hearts and Hooves Day book. "Hey look at this" said Scootaloo, "apparently this holiday used to be called Heats and Horns Day. I wonder why they changed it?" "Ah'd better take th' driver's seat on this one" said Applebloom, snatching the book away, and flipping through it. "Here it is, a love potion. Now we just gotta get a cloud tuft, a pegasus feather an' a rainbow." "Pegasi for the win!!!" exclaimed Scootaloo, as they gathered the ingredients, mostly thanks to her. "Now we just gotta get Cherilee and Big Mac ta drink it." So Cheerilee and Big Mac did drink it, and they started acting all mushy and weird. "Eeew, that's the most disturbing thing I've ever seen two ponies in love do!" remarked Scootaloo. They rushed back to the clubhouse, where they discovered Applebloom's grave error. "Applebloom. you dodo!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle, "this says love poison!" "What are you, a spellcheck?" said Scootaloo. "Well ah ain't a dodo!" said Applebloom, "Granny Smith said ah was th' best reader in th' entire Apple Family!" The other two looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "...oh, right, ah get it now, 'big fish in a little pond' an' all that." Sweetie Belle took another look at the page, "It says here, that if we can get the two of them to be separated for an hour, the spell will be broken. So all we have to do is dig a pit and trap one of them inside." So they went to town square and dug a deep, deep hole. "Huh, this is kinda dangerous, somepony could get hurt if they fell down there." remarked Applebloom. "Well then let's get a mattress or something to cushion the fall" suggested Scootaloo. "Should we fill in the hole first?" "Nah, it should be fine. It's 12-foot cube, you'd have to be pretty stupid not to see it." So the three of them went to get a mattress, and as they were about to throw it down, Scootaloo noticed something, "Uhh guys, we have a problem." Down at the bottom of the pit was a dead Applejack, who had fallen into the pit because she was a clumsy pony. "Ah think we may be in over our heads" said Applebloom, "we need help from th' one positive role model we have." "Cassandra?" said the other two "That goes without sayin'." The CMC knocked on Cassandra's door. "No visitors on Hearts and Hooves day." called Cassandra. "Come on Cassandra" begged Applebloom, "It's an emergency." "Applebloom? Oh, it's just you and your friends." They heard the sound of the door unlocking, and moments later it opened. "Sorry to be standoffish. Come in, have some tea." said Cassandra, "Hearts and Hooves Day is a very difficult time, I get hundreds of estrous stallions and mares throwing themselves at me. At least I don't have to worry about that with you three." "We never promised that" said Sweetie Belle. "Cassandra, we made a love potion, but it turned out to be a love poison!" said Scootaloo, "now Big Mac and Cheerilee are hopelessly in love! What should we do?" "You should come to me earlier in these situations." "We know" said the three, with their heads hung low. "But you were just trying to make sure she wouldn't be alone today, and that is a selfless act, so I will help you." Cassandra could perform magic despite being a pegasus, so she cast the counter-spell to the love poison. "Now girls, I want you to always remember, Cheerilee is sweet and kind. She's the best teacher you could hope for." "Yer right Cassandra" said Applebloom, starstruck by Cassandra's words of wisdom, "she don't need our help, she's only 25, she'll meet somepony special on'er own." Cassandra stifled a guffaw, spitting out her tea into her cup "25...? No no, it's fine, if she needs to stretch the truth to feel confident about herself, then that's fine. Anyway, give me the rest of the love poison." "Umm yeah, about that..." said Sweetie Belle sheepishly, "we kinda lost track of it." "Well then you'd better track it down. I'd help, but there's a much more serious issue - Cheerilee needs somepony to keep her company on Hearts and Hooves, and I'm the mare for the job. Cassandra went to Cheerilee's house. "Cassandra!" exclaimed Cheerilee, "how did you know I wanted to spend Hearts and Hooves Day with you?" "I'm just smart like that." "Wow Cassandra, I wish I was as smart as you. Let's snuggle together by the fireplace and see where the night takes us." Cassandra didn't like being tied down to one mare like that, but she bravely took one for the team. Silver Spoons knocked on Diamond Tiara's door. "Oh, um hi Silver Spoon" said Diamond Tiara dismissively, "I'm kinda busy right now, can this wait till Monday?" "I got you another Hearts and Hooves gift, I guess it could wait, but-" "Oh no no, I totally respect following tradition, now gimme." "I got you some liquor." she said, holding up a bottle of bright pink liquid, fizzing with heart-shaped bubbles, "there isn't much, but... "You're right, there's only enough for one pony. Down the hatch!" She snatched away the bottle and chugged it down. "By the way, I hope you weren't expecting another gift, because I didn't get you anything." "Oh, but I think you will give me something I want... shmoopy-doopy."