Twilight was reading books with her #1 assistant Spike and her #1 friend Cassandra, when she spoke up spontaneously.
"I want to open a school."
"That's great, sweetie," said Cassandra, "have you planned out the logistics?"
"Nope" said Twilight, "but I was hoping somepony who's smarter and prettier than me would be able to help."
"Oh all right, I'll do it," said Starlight from the next room.
"I didn't-" started Twilight
"We're happy for all the help we can get," cut in Cassandra.
Spike started flipping through his planner. "Between Rarity's chain of stores, Dash's Wonderbolts, and Applejack's life expectancy, I can't find a whole lot of days that work for everypony. How many times are we actually going to hold class?"
"Probably just once per season," confessed Twilight. Spike looked confused. "We'll have a class on the Summer Sun Celebration, then the Running of the Leaves, followed by Hearth's Warming Eve, and finishing with Winter Wrap Up," she clarified.
"Well I like this plan," said Starlight, "I'll call the rest of the girls together. This is awesome, I've always wanted to be a teacher-"
"You're the guidance counselor," said Twilight, "take it or leave me."
"Er, I think the expression is-"
"I don't ask a lot of you, bargain basement me, do I? You stay in the castle that Spike cleans, eat the delicious food that Spike prepares, sleep in the beds that Spike makes, read the books that Spike dusts, and all I ask in exchange is that you not upstage me on this project. But I won't stand in your way if you insist that you'd rather crash at Maud or Sunburst's place"
"Twily, take a breather," said Cassandra, "you're getting off on power again, and while admittedly that's better than getting off to Flash Sentry, a good headmistress needs a level head."
"And a mistress?" asked Twilight, hopefully.
"We'll talk later," said Cassandra.
The first step was to ask Princess Celestia for advice.
“It’s so wonderful to see my two most faithful students,” said Celestia, “when I heard you wanted to open a school and discuss it with me over cake, I was thrilled for the opportunity!”
“I categorically did not say there would be cake,” said Cassandra
“Oh. But there is cake somewhere, right?”
“I...suppose?” said Cassandra
“Well then. I have a very high-priority order of business to attend to, so I must bid you farewell. You two just wing it, you’ll be fine.” She was about to fly away when Twilight stopped her.
“Wait, Princess, how do we get accreditation?”
“You have to talk to Chancellor Neighsay.”
“Will you put in a good word for us?”
“Holy me, no, that guy scares me. Good luck!” She flew off towards Sugarcube Corner.
"Gee Neighsay, what are gonna to today?" asked Pinkie.
"The same thing we do every day, Pinkie," replied the severe chancellor, "criticize other ponies' schools with slightly racist overtones. Wait a minute, you don't belong in here, get out!" Pinkie shrugged and hopped away.
"Next pony!" said one of the council members.
A very nervous Twilight entered, cowering like Fluttershy, practically keeling over if not for the brave and beautiful Cassandra supporting her, in multiple senses of the word. She turned towards the intimidating council.
"H-h-h-h-h-h-h-hello...." she stuttered.
"It's ok, Twilight, show them the curriculum" said Cassandra helpfully. Twilight managed to pull herself together just long enough to float a copy of her presentation over to each of the councilponies.
"Indeed Miss Sparkle, this is seems pretty well put-together, but let me ask you this. Did you prepare a TL semicolon DR version for the televised viewing audience?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." said Twilight
"It's a school to teach all races about friendship." cut in Cassandra. The EEA nodded, impressed with Cassandra's words
"A school to teach everypony how to be more pony-like, and protect the pony way?" asked Naysayer. Twilight managed to stammer out an "mm-hmm" in agreement.
"Hey Twilight, does this guy seem a bit... off-message to you?" whispered Spike.
"You're imagining it" whispered Twilight back
"Twilight, come on, am I really the only one who-?"
"Spike, I think I would know if he was being intolerant, after all I have a dragon friend."
"A-hem!" cut in Naysayer, "As much as I delight in Miss Sparkle's rose-tinted social perspective, the EEA has several more applicants to glare at judgmentally today, so we will now give our verdict. Your application is adequate. It was brave of you, though a tad foolish, to insist on writing parts of it without Cassandra's help. However, because you have Cassandra with you, we will grant you provisional approval."
“I still don’t get why you can’t be a teacher, Cassandra,” said Rarity, “you would look simply Daaaarling in any of my schoolteacher outfits. I have some other schoolteacher outfits in the way back of my closet, but those are for you to wear later.” She winked as Cassandra.
“If you don’t want to be a teacher, I can give you the guidance counselor position,” said Twilight.
“Hey!” exclaimed Starlight.
“That’s very kind of you both," said Cassandra, "but if I were to teach a class here, my students would soon be too smart for any of you six to teach them. Also I can sometimes be...”
“Who’s that fine piece of flank?” said Smolder
“I’m shapeshifing into a horny changeling!” said Ocelus
“I play for both teams, and I don’t just mean land & sea” said Silverstream
“YONA IS HOT FOR TEACHER!” said Yona
“....distracting,” finished Cassandra
After days of things going smoothly under Cassandra's behind-the-scenes leadership, it was time to prepare for the inspection.
“Girls, I need you all on your best behavior,” said Twilight, “The EEA is visiting us today.”
“Oh crap!” exclaimed Pinkie, “I have to go, uh, flush something.”
“No Pinkie, the EEA,” said Rainbow Dash, “The Evil Equestrian Assholes.”
“That’s not...” began Twilight. The others gave her a quizzical look, “ok it is accurate, but girls, I need you to do everything by the book - they could shut us down if even the smallest thing goes wrong. Also, the families are coming too. Huh, in hindsight I probably should've spaced these things out”
“Well it’s a good thing nothing will go wrong,” beamed Starlight.
“But something would,” said Morgan Freeman in a voiceover.
INSPECTION DAY
"Spell apples" said Applejack
"A-P-P-L-E-S" said the class.
"Ugh, if y'all wanna tell jokes y'all can go on back to Miss Pie's class" said Applejack
"But isn't-?" started Sandbar.
"Next question! Take a gander at this here picture and tell me which one'a these fellas is right?"
"IT MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE!" said Yona
"It can change depending on how you look at it," said Gallus
“Sometimes a thing can actually be two different things,” said Silverstream.
"Gash dangit, Cassandra said ah had ta be patient, but yall're slower 'n Granny's extra-thick molasses in wintertime. The correct answer is that both of'em are wrong - it's a three." The students sat there with mouths agape, but before they could say anything the bell rang.
"Midnight already?" said Applejack, "Ah thought it was s'posed to be dark out. Well fine, ah'm tired of yall irredgardless, so class dismissed."
"Goodness, that lesson was a chore," said Silverstream, "At least, that's what I assume chores are like. I'm royalty."
"Cassandra explained to us that the ponies are stressed out by the upcoming EEA inspection, so it's understandable that the lessons haven't been as fun lately," said Smolder, "that being said, Applejack is in her own level of terribleness."
"That's right, Applejack is the source of everything wrong" said Sandbriar.
"We should cut class," said Gallus, "but how to escape?"
"I have an idea," said Ocellus. She transformed into Rarity, "now follow my lead, um, darlings." They moved stealthily toward the exit.
"Oh hi Rarity, where are you off to with those students?" said Fluttershy
"Oh darling, I'm taking them on a field trip to the lake, darling. Goodbye darling."
"This seems odd, but I'm too shy to confront a large group about it," said Fluttershy. "Have fun!"
The six of them had a great time bonding, and Ocellus turned into a bugbear. Unbeknownst to them, they were flying right overhead the EEA and the families, who looked up at the bugbear-changeling and screamed.
"What on earth is that hideous creature?" demanded Naysay
"Hey!" said Grandpa Gruff, "My Gallus might not be much of a looker, but there's no need for name-calling!" The students barreled into a tower smashing it and sending it dangerously towards the ground. Cassandra managed to save everypony’s life except Applejack, the shortcoming proving she’s not a Mary Sue.
“Miss Sparkle, explain yourself at once!” said Neighsay, “Cassandra made me not racist anymore, but there was still a long list of violations.”
“I have to come clean,” said Twilight, “Cassandra warned me about them and I didn’t listen.”
“You didn’t listen to Cassandra???” exclaimed Naysay, “your other mistakes were understandable, but that goes beyond the pale! I’m afraid I have no choice but to shut you down. School’s out.... forever!”
TO BE CONTINUED