When your life is a stack of suckcakes covered in angst syrup and the world turns its back on you after it kicks you into a puddle of hate toast with rejection margarine and the marmalade of loneliness and your parents are completely and totally dead, being a brony can seem meaningless. God, I'm hungry now. Sometimes all we need is a horse -- a great big one -- in a cardboard box to reinforce our own self-imposed martyr complexes.
A parody of My Little Dashie, in case you couldn't figure that out. Read by Illya Leonov!
See what actual, living bronies are saying about My Full-Sized Goddess Horse!
"This is a stark commentary on the self-destructive and delusion-wracked nature of Major Depression, as well as the ephemeral routes of mental escape in which one finds some momentary relief from the endless downpour of despair and hopelessness they experience with this disorder." -Cupcakes
"Vulgar." -Mystic
"This is an actual, for-real quote from ROBCakeran53, author of My Little Dashie." -not ROBCakeran53
"I don’t think this story is fit for Equestria Daily, nor do I think that it will ever be acceptable." -Equestria Daily Pre-Readers
"You truly have a proper grasp of diction!" -MallaJong1
"...My Full-Sized Goddess Horse is a fundamentally entertaining, messageless tale with impeccably-crafted prose." -Amit
"This is the best use of unreliable narrator I've ever seen on fimfic! 
" -ocalhoun
"...you should probably not smoke as much weed as you did that day." -Lesolan
Reviewed by the actual, for-real Seattle's Angels!
And then there was another parody.
...Did I mention my parents were dead?
Again, I am amazed at how funny parodies of MLD are.
Also, now I want a cheeseburger.
You are my favorite.
Oh Faust this is hilarious! Well done!
I love this story.
manly tears
This is absolutely brilliant! Now I want a cheeseburger as well!
Goddammit you made my night. You can haz cheezburger too for making me laugh inside, where my heart too goes explodey with love and insanity. Like Homestuck biz-sick-nasty hilarious, yo.
Did I also mention my lungs have become so, so very, very dead?
Hilarious!
I'm probably one of the two people out there who apparently haven't read My Little Dashie and after reading this I'm not sure I could...
Godammit now I'm hungry for a cheeseburger.
Thanks for making me laugh at 12 am
At first I was like
i.imgur.com/ZiIiM.jpg
Then I laughed so hard that
i.imgur.com/QYnVU.jpg
My cousin would filet you alive for that.
Anyway, that was great. I almost woke up my brother laughing. Worth it.
LOL, this was hilarious!
1924544
You aren't missing anything
1924683
Heh. I've wanted to write an MLD parody ever since I met ROBCakeran at a con last year. Believe it or not, I haven't read any others!
You win. Everything.
I've observed that MLD parodies are common, but I've never seen one written by an author I know to any degree, so this was a good way to read one. And, well, damn. I was not disappointed! It may be low-hanging fruit, but it's funny low-hanging fruit.
1925620
i liek fruit :V
Between this and The Secret Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes by Paper_mate_Pony, I am now split in my decision as to which of you should win the "Lifetime Achievement Award for Best Fan-Fiction; you Sir get an encore plus one.
This is a stark commentary on the self-destructive and delusion-wracked nature of Major Depression, as well as the ephemeral routes of mental escape in which one finds some momentary relief from the endless downpour of despair and hopelessness they experience with this disorder. I was chilled and enlightened.
1925379
Thanks, I listened to the first few lines of Daffodil's MLD reading, and that was more than enough for me.
I died.
Say nice things about me at my funeral.
This is comedy! You truly have a proper grasp of diction! I laughed frequently throughout the read.
1925792
I will have to read this sometime. :O
1927142
"He died as he lived: screaming and farting." :V
This is like something I would write.
So was Mo just screwing with her? The ending scene seemed to suggest so, maybe. He could just not like his parents, and the old place he worked at was really dirty.
Cool bro.
1925833
1927367
Hey, I'm planning on putting up some quotes for this story, and I hope you guys don't mind if I quote you.
Will happen once I hear back from EQD. :B
1934147 ... Ohhhh fine.
"Before she died from her fatal death..."
Dammit, not another one! When will they find a cure?!
I at first thought that I might like to leave a comment on this story - as fundamentally hilarious as it is - but I found myself instead drawn to writing an entire review of it. It's a bit on the short side, I'm afraid, but it being a given that I'm not psychic I'd love to hear your opinions to its regard.
2067577
I am thoroughly appreciative of the effort and plan to link it here in the taglines. :D I think you get what I was going for. Thank you again.
I'm dying.
2067839
Squirtle will help.
Parodies of MLD shouldn't be this funny given how much of an easy target it is, but people still manage it. Somehow.
He must be pretty desperate to want Applejack. I know there are levels, but jeez.
ermafuckinggod
this made me laugh so badly.
2149590
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
Just please, don't let it be Spike. D: Ew.
I lol'd the whole way through. Superb.
2235719
Quite a lot, actually. :D I'm glad you had fun reading it!
Heh. And I thought your blog posts on FoE were funny. I'm always glad to see someone go with the kind of humor that arises from the increasing sense of awkwardness and things being off-kilter, to the point where I'm embarrassed for the characters involved and yet I'm drawn to seeing them dig themselves in deeper.
Consider yourself watched.
2317787
Why thankya. :D
I'd say this is a successful parody of MLD. It takes all the key concepts of the story, the main character, the meeting, the relationship, the disappearance, and the goodbye, and manages to subvert all of them. The overkill of the dead parents really worked here, but I think my favorite part would have to be the main character's thoughts of "I knew this would happen one day" even though I thought only a few minutes had passed by. It's almost something of a Shaggy Dog Story, but I think that fits in with the sort of parody this is.
2596846
Not your imagination; it was only a few minutes. :) Our narrator hasn't got the strongest grip on reality. Thanks for the comment!
This took twice the time it should've taken to read cause my head was buried in a pillow laughing myself into an ulcer half the time
I'mma print this out and nail it to my wall, because it is a WORK OF ART.