You are a background pony. Everything about you is exactly as inconsistent and disjointed as FiM presented it to be. You have no sense of self, and no understanding of the past or future.
Your name is Carrot Top, and this is your life.
One moment at a time.
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This is more of an experiment than a full story. I just wondered what would happen if you took a very literal interpretation of FiM's background ponies. If you refuse to fill in the blanks, and refuse to accept animation shortcuts for what they are... What's left? Can you tell a story from the perspective of a character that's just a shell of a concept?
I had two goals with this story: I wanted it to be possible to pick up from any segment, and still read in a "coherent" loop. And I wanted to play around with the concept of, "seen and not heard," that I feel is a big part of being a background pony.
This can either be a one-off, or it can be a short story with a couple chapters. I'm not sure yet. If it does develop into a story, there will be plot and character development. I promise it won't just be a couple chapters of incoherent rambling.
Edit:
Made some changes to purple passages. It has also been brought up that there are sentence fragments, but a lot of them are intentional for stylistic purposes. If you see some grammar errors, that you feel hurt the story instead of help, could you quote them?
GROWING CARROTS IS SERIOUS SHIT
1655628 YOU AGAIN?!
(Fucking bro hoof me.>
/)
1655634 (\
1655640
Any who, putting this one on read later list. It's late, and I should've been in bed hours ago.
1655653 DON'T LEAVE ME!
AND THEN SUDDENLY A SUPERGIANTROBOT.
1655628 first of all, do you even read the things you comment on? just curious.
Secondly, this is really interesting. I actually enjoyed reading it, and felt sorry for the two dimensional mare that everybody knows and loves as Carrot Top. Taking it quite literally from what you see from the show is very interesting. Don't get me wrong, there is room for improvement. Some sentence structuring needs to be fixed, but all in all, I thought it was very interesting. Certainly better than the one dimensional clop shit that usually makes it into the featured box—a type of genre that I guiltily enjoy, but not for it's actual writing merit. You get a favorite from me, and if this is a one shot, it'll be a unique addition to my list of favorites.
1655628
I deny your claim that Growing Carrots is serious, but I'm afraid I can't argue against it being shit.
1655685 Of course!
1655693 Your avatar makes it all the better.
1655694 Jus' makin' sure! You seem to be quick to the draw very often.
1655703 It's more a skim then a read. I skim, comment, then I go back and read it if it was good during the skim. SOmetime, however, I don't make it past the description because people are fucking idiots.
1655715 well, granted. I think everybody does. Some terrible stuff out there, but I usually tend to just leave them be, and watch them get slammed by other people. If the premise is really good, I'll read it, but rarely will I get through one without giving up my brain to the interwebs.
1655728 See, I have a reputation to maintain.
1655736
...I can see that. Wouldn't call it the best of reputations, but it is one nonetheless.
1655742
People love me, don't deny it
1655685
Thank you. Your words are very encouraging. I probably should have mentioned that there are many places I break grammar. In quite a few, I even do it intentionally (usually in the form of sentence fragments.) I feel it helps to achieve a certain meter and tone that I have difficulty getting across otherwise. But I would be very interested to know what places it doesn't work, or what places I may have overlooked altogether (and simply had grammar errors.) I'm also always open to suggestions on finding a way to curb the bad habit altogether.
1655752 Honestly, I loved using fragments. It has a certain amount of poetic usage that readers can feel, but writers hate. There's a quote (originally related to music) that goes "first you must learn then rules, then you try to break them." Basically, fragments are a big no-no, but I personally believe they can be utilized to created an effect in the mind of the reader. It was, in part, I think, what gave me success in my story "Hope in the Storm." Readers thought it was well written, writer's think it needs work, and I agree, but if ain't broke, don't fix it. A 202:1 like/dislike ratio means I at least did something right. So, while the reason I said there were errors was because of the fragments, I endorse the idea of using them for poetic language, although you do have to use them properly, and with good intent.
1655745 Your avatar amuses me.
1655669
I think you just gave me the ending to my next story.
1655783 Kurt Cobain is best rock star.
1655799
Kurt Cobain fucks shit up in the best of ways, my man.
1655794 Well I want credit, you plagiarizing summbitch.
1655802
1655807
1655815
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw94paUHau1r7hbj7o1_500.gif
I've been stumbling across a number of these 2nd person stories lately... huh... anyways this one was... interesting.
1655824
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1655828
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1655840
heathersanimations.com/Silly/Bread.gif
1655840
love Dave Grohl, though
1655842 Invalid pic.
1655845 Who doesn't?
1655850
ugh, fine.
alfa.gifs-planet.com/new/2665.gif
1655825
It's my first story in second person perspective. I just wanted to play around with something new, and I hoped it might help the reader connect with Carrot Top on a more personal level. Yeah. It's out there. I blame the strange music I've been listening to.
1655855
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1655873 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9w7tvBy2r1r2c2g1o1_400.gif
"If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different pony?" is what the synopsis made me think of.
Your writing is a bit stupidly purple in some places, but overall I think you create the effect you're going for. You use sentence fragments to create a deliberate flow that works, which is not something I see in fanfiction very often.
I think you've got an interesting idea here that's just a little bit horrifying, one that warrants further exploration. I'll be interested to see any more you write.
1655876
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1655916 I'm retiring. Don't think this Kurt storm is over.
1655877
Fight Club is one of my favorite movies of all time, and Chuck Palahniuk is one of my greatest inspirations. So I'm tickled pink that the synopsis made you think of that.
You're probably right about the purple prose. Anywhere in particular that you felt some phrasing was overdone?
1655928
1655930 Sorry about the Kurtgasm in the comments.
Holy shit; it's what I wanted to try with Twilight Discovers Literary Analysis and what I wanted to find in Background Pony. This is a masterpiece of the finest sort—though a bit purple at times—and I congratulate you sincerely.
1655930
>Eating and excreting your soil, in their never-ending cycle of pink fleshy ways.
"pink fleshy ways" sounds almost like a parody of substanceless purple prose.
>your own mane, atop your own crown
"crown" kinda almost seems to imply that CT is almost bald except for a bit in the middle.
>Your mouth is sizzling on the chilled afterglow of spearmint toothpaste.
"chilled afterglow" struck me as really melodramatic.
Not bad on the whole, really.
1655961
But...what...huh? I've read both Twilight Discovers Literary Analysis and Background Pony, and they're both wondrous pieces of brony literature. You must not compare this experimental rubbish to anything those two amazing stories have achieved.
You're the second person to mention this is purplish though. Perhaps I should go over it again, and see what bits I can tone down.
1656007
Thanks a lot for pointing those out. I'll see if I can improve them.
1656008
I'll take that compliment with pride.
Anyway, the purple prose is noticeable only in the lack of a few conjunctions—sentence fragments—and some metaphors; they don't particularly serve to hurt the story in any appreciable way. There are some comma splices here and there, but overall I can't crucify you over them.
After all, I didn't even see most of them the first time around.
There were some minor grammar problems, but I really like this. Very original, and somewhat melancholy.
Definitely a curious and very interesting structire; the allusion towards these snippets of time blinking in and out for spacing and jagged sentences was a splendid success!
GREAT WORK!
Oh, how I'm moved to wonder who this mare actually is... almost as much as SHE is!
It's nice to read something new and unique - unlike everything Regidar touches.
1655935
O HAI!
Heh 1. When I saw the chapter title, I thought it was another winningverse tie-in.
Heh 2. I am also in the process of writing a Carrot Top story