• Member Since 17th Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen May 28th, 2020

Xenont


JuSt a DEmOn RoAmInG thE WeB :)

E
Source

When the culprits of Anon-a-miss was uncovered, Sunset still does not want to forgive her friends, who have hurt her badly and wants to return to Equestria.

Her friends help her see that they still care and to convince her to stay.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 54 )

Throughout the whole of the winter holidays, the five of them had been scolding, bullying and hurting Sunset for nothing. For the rest of the day, the group of five had been looking for Sunset all over the school. "Oh dear, we really do owe Sunset an apology now, huh?" Applejack said as she met with her friends outside the school gates.

apple Jack won;t say Oh Dear that more Rarity or Fluttershy bit.

also the story seems ok a little rushed thou, and some of the way the Girls talk is bit off.
the grammar could be a bit better,
But it not a bad start.

Yeah, it is rushed. and i din't check for grammar. Sorry

show said I invited you guys in?"

Who said I think you meant

I like your approach to this story thus far, and it’s distinctly better than the prose I was producing when I was thirteen. Glad there’s going to be more. :twilightsmile:

Other then small grammar here and there, it's good, please continue this

I like it, only the grammar needs to be fixed.

Its a little rushed but all in all not a bad story keep up the good work.

Wanderer D
Moderator

I'd say besides the grammar issues, and a couple of multiple speakers in the same paragraph, you need to check a bit on the language each character uses.

"Yeah, we do...." Rainbow said. "Specifically me. I hurt her so much...both physically and mentally."

Doesn't sound like Rainbow Dash.

"Oh dear, we really do owe Sunset an apology now, huh?" Applejack said

Not Applejack. Honestly, just getting rid of the "oh dear" there would be more natural.

A useful pointer; when a new character starts speaking, start a new paragraph. Else it's very hard to figure out who is saying what.

9273956

here and there

Like, I don't know, the title? Author, we're taught in the third grade to capitalize titles.

i REALLY hope Sunset leaves them for good. I'm just sick of the whole "Forgiving the Traitorous 5 and the REAL Anon-A-Miss Culprits" thing.

Comment posted by Xenont deleted Nov 15th, 2018

Great job can’t wait for the next chapter

Comment posted by Xenont deleted Nov 15th, 2018

9275749
maybe... Still trying to write it, i'll see how it turns out

I wonder if Rarity’s plan will work 🤔🤔

9294219
Okay. I’m just gonna say it won’t work

Cos I think in the next chapter, Sunset would have finish packing, left home and headed straight to Equestria before the girls could even sing Shine Like Rainbow to her

9294265
but u are ok if it does work right?

9294296
It would (i think, still trying to work it out in my head)

9294300
Well we’ll see how things go, it does work, I think I will be okay with it

Looks like they will have to prove themselves to Twilight as well to prove that her fath in them wasn't misplaced.

Oh no. Now Princess Celestia is involved. They will definitely need some burn cream now.

I mean, sure they accused me for what I didn't do, but they had their reasons and....yeah, they do seem like they didn't mean to hurt me...

Sunset, it doesn't matter if they meant it or not. They still hurt you.


Also.....really girls? Really? You really think singing one song is going to fix anything? What do you think this is, the show?

and now, because of a stupid little mistake we made,

Seriously! :pinkiegasp:
Girls there was nothing little about it.

One peeved mama sun godess incoming...

The girls betar prey Raretys plan works, or they'll burn.

Comment posted by Captain Rose deleted Nov 24th, 2018

9294160
No please don't do that! I want her to leave for good! For her own safety! (Both physically and mentally cause who knows if some students won't still go after her even though the CMC confessed to being Anon-A-Miss cause come on we all know there's always at least one asshole who still goes after the victim even though the real culprit has confessed or has been caught doing said thing that the victim was blamed for.) And I really hope Rainbow Dash get the shit beaten out of her by Princess Celestia or Princess Twilight or both for beating up Sunset. As for the asshole five, I really hope they get a good punishment for and I quote. "Throughout the whole of the winter holidays, the five of them had been scolding, bullying and hurting Sunset for nothing." So please don't just make it a detention! Make it at least a suspension!

9298920
Honesty? I hope it doesn't. Cause I want Sunset to leave them after what they have done.

It really shouldn't work. Rainbow physically attacked Sunset. Either you need to edit that part out or have Sunset reject their pitiful sing a song plea. Leaving her crying in the hall like from the comic is bad enough and would need more than a song to fix but with what Rainbow did and the others supported there just isn't enough time before she leaves to even start putting a friendship back together from that. If you do write that happening this story isn't anything but a reverse of all the Sunset goes full on nuclear revenge fic fantasies. That is not a good thing.

Is this ever getting an update?

CSC

Let’s see how this unfolds.

Yup?! the Princess Said YUP...No it should be yes not Yup.

I prefer Sunset to return home...but not for good, but a few months, this will really hurt the Rainbooms and drive in to their heads how badly they hurt her.
Also when we see the cMC get punished big time?

I hope Sunset won't forgive Rainbooms and will return to Equestria for good.

Please let her stay in Equestria for good! I don't want her to forgive the Rainbooms!

9382802
9310715

What's the basis for giving the CMC anything worse than the six months detention they got? It's at least as much punishment as Sunset got for her much longer list of wrongs (including the same cyberbullying).

9406186
the difference is in regards to severity and visual proof. in actuality all they can pin on sunset shimmer from what she did is severe vandalism.

... the CMC have broken the law and confessed too it, not small stuff either, identity theft being actually on there list of charges but no one seems to consider that.

9528357
And Sunset impersonating the Humane 5, stealing their emails and such, to brak their friendship doesn't count? And we know Sunset's got away with years worth of bullying.

It's not what they can prosecute, it's how it's fair that the CMC be more prosecuted than Sunset was (if we go by what's seen, Sunset received zero detention for, because it looked like rebuilding the school front was forgotten after the gag, as there's no way she could have finished it as soon as she did without professionals doing the work) for what added up to at least as bad even if we as audiences don't directly see it?

If we add in the demon part, then reality is so far out the window how is it even fair to apply realistic consequences?

9528740
because then we have to think about the morality behind everything done. sunset was a horrible person yes and she did alot of things to maintain power. still all things considered from what we saw in movie one she kept the school in a relative form of order, she also form what visual evidence we had was happy just to use enough force to make someone back off until twilight came.

the CMC the supposedly 'good people' set out to destroy someones life and in the process destroyed the lives of countless others. we persecute the CMC more because it is worse when the good do horrible deeds for petty reasons then the evil to do the same horrible deeds to further some grander scheme.

the CMC were acting as a force for rampant chaos and had things not cut off when they did it's not unarguable that things could have gotten much worse in canterlot high resulting in possible violence and death.

9528751
How is it "worse when the good do horrible deeds for petty reasons then the evil to do the same horrible deeds to further some grander scheme" when both result in the same amount of potential evil?

Sunset's motives and endgame for ruling the school was just as selfish (eliminating rivals for the attention and respect they thought they deserved). She didn't do as much at any time but that was out of pragmatism (anything else would hurt her plans), but she would't have cared morally. And Sunset was just as willing to ruin others friendships when it came down to it.

Sunset being smarter (and Leather Pants-able) about doing evil doesn't make her the more moral, if anything it makes her worse since it subverts her possible morality and proves she's fully aware of the consequences of her actions.

I'm not saying the CMC are 'good people', I'm saying it's unfair to treat them any worse than Sunset.

I love where this is going, that said Celestia's dialog feels .... stiff, curt, I don't have a name for it but basically, it sounds more like the bare minimum to have her say and not an emotion more, Sorry to criticize but I feel that there is more that can be done in this scene to make her feel more, Celestia-y.

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