• Member Since 12th May, 2018
  • offline last seen March 16th

Mystic Shadows


E

After a nightmare, Sunset and Twilight have a talk, where Twilight finds out something new about Sunset. The next morning, the girls and Sunset have a talk.

This takes place right after Friendship Games.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 37 )

I like this it’s really good :pinkiehappy:

I really love how this chapter is. The idea you have for this (( I believe I red a story similar of ehat you mentioned before)) and got to thinking about SciTwi as well.

I can't wait to follow this story as it progresses keep up the great work :pinkiehappy:

I think Sunset is going for a mental break. Hopefully her friends catch her before she hurts herself.

Ri2

...Sunny? What's wrong?

8928892
Thank you. I found the story that prompted this. It's Scar Tissue by RadiantBeam. https://www.fimfiction.net/stories?q=scar+tissue

8931382
That is a very good question. Thanks for reading.

How dark will this story get?

I think I know the story you read. I also read one where SciTwi did have scars. I'll see where you go with this.

Great Midnight is haunting Twilight. Also why haven’t her friends sat her down and proven to her the claims of magic? After everything she has been through Sci-Twi should at least accept the notion of magic being a possibility by now.

Sunset's a ticking time bomb, isn't she? I hope she doesn't explode or freak out during the movie.

I gather they haven't gone camping yet?

8941646
I'm not sure, actually. It's already darker than what I meant for it to be.

8941895
Figuring out where I wanted it to be in the timeline was hard. I've decided it's taking place right after friendship games.

8941872
They might've. But Twilight is in hard-core denial.

8945145
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science.
Agatha Heterodyne

Can’t imagine this is going to end well.

:rainbowderp:

Not a smart move Sunset. Hopefully they have a way to contact Twilight as Sunset is in a world of trouble right now.

Sunset's going to join the dark side again, isn't she?

Twilight may be wrong on the problem but at least she knows there IS a problem. Great story so far.

Damn, and Twilight has her darker half making mental echoes too.

Sunset, don't do it.

Oh no. Not good.

It looks like Princess Celestia is looking for Sunset as well. I hope they find Sunset and she is alright.

9275599
Either that or the Princess has been attending the concerts and the Principal really feels the loneliness during the summer months.

Now, where did she go?

Hhhhmm, interesting dynamic here now

I feel like even though Sunset is fresh out of bed, she's been in the human world long enough to not use the word "fillies" instead of "girls."

Beyond that, this was pretty reasonable. A few mistakes, for sure, but I still had a good enough time.

You had some consistent issues with your dialogue punctuation this chapter. Here's a handy guide from a handy guy on how to do it correctly:

This is a recurring issue with your writing. If a speech tag follows after the dialogue, there should be no capitalization. If an action tag follows, capitalization is required. Here’s a very useful list of examples:

Attribution of Dialogue (Dialogue Tagging)

Wrong:
✖ "Hi there," the pink pony grinned. (It should be a period: ‘grinned’ isn’t a ‘speaking’ verb.)
✖ "Hi there." The pink pony said. (This should be a comma; no capitalization should be used)
✖ "Hi there"! the pink pony shouted! (Punctuation of dialogue belongs inside the quotes.)
✖ "Hi there!" The pink pony shouted! (Don’t capitalize "the"; treat the "!" as a comma.)

Correct:
✔ "Hi there," the pink pony giggled. (She giggled while saying the words.)
✔ "Hi there." The pink pony giggled. (She said those words, then giggled.)
✔ "Hi there." The pink pony grinned. (The word 'grinned' isn't a 'speaking' verb.)
✔ "Hi there!" the pink pony shouted. (Exclamations and queries replace the comma.)

When Twilight asked, Rarity said that it was from Before the Formal-- and Twilight had heard the capitalization in the sentence.

Italics do a much better job of communicating that sort of emphasis.

Talks like its' her fault Magic is here."

:trixieshiftleft:

Huh, interesting.

I was pretty worried about how short the chapters were, and while the pacing does seem quick, it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be. There are also a number of scattered grammatical mistakes. But in spite of all that, I'm still looking forward to the next chapter.

9980893
these do be sad gamer hours

I think I've read that story too.. I remember the title bieng Scar Tissues or somthing like that.

Comment posted by Nooby1332C deleted Apr 18th, 2020

More Pleaseeeeee 😍😭🙏

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