• Member Since 27th May, 2013
  • offline last seen May 23rd

White Dragon


If anyone wants to send me any fan art or cover art, send it to my deviant art page, I would love some fan art. Other Name RIspy5655. My Editor is PinkieLunaShy, for all the stories.

T
Source

He sat there waiting, in the cold darkness of his mind slowly breaking, but always remembering one thing, Forgiveness, Forgiveness, that is all he wants, and maybe just maybe, things will work out for him this time.

I have had this idea in my head for a long time, but I was kind of shy to see the feedback so I never put up, UNTIL NOW!!!


Also first story so please don't hate me too much.


If anyone wants to do cover art I want a pic of what Tech would look like with the necklace, send me a PM with the link.
Feature Box 2/20/2014 Thank you Everybody
Feature Box again 6:23 5/23/2015

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 236 )

For a first story, you did pretty well. It felt a bit rushed, but other than that it managed to hold my interest till the end of it. I'd like to see more of this, and do try and take your time writing; it keeps it much more... interesting...

Thanks, I'll try to slow it down a bit

Like it so far. Hurry up and post the next one. See this is why I don't usually read stories under the "new" section. Well, this and sometimes they don't write more than 2 chapters then never finish it, but we all know this, why am I still talking?

Interesting. I enjoy this immensely.

I added this to my fave's and this is my 666 Favorited story. :rainbowlaugh:

i am working on the next chapter right now. It is awesome and awkward in so many ways

I'll keep an eye on it... I won't tell what others have already said, but alos try to put a bit more detail into the physical world. Describe things, sights, sounds, smells, things of that nature. Don't go too overboard, but at the same time, try to give us an idea of the general atmosphere. Good luck!:pinkiehappy:

this is moving...really fast..im gonna favorite it because of your character but I'd invest in an editor and maybe one thousand more words

Pretty good so far, would love to see where this is going. Just as everyone else said, add more detail to get those chapter sizes up, and maybe find a editor. But besides that keep it up your doing a great job for your first story, stay in high spirits and never give up.

1000 year awake in stone is like a personal hell it kind of a dark punishment. I would surrender as well. but were did his hating the element of harmony it could not have come from nothing right?

it would have been funny if the main character made fun of discord for only being free for 30mintish and
“So he hates you?” asks a white and purple unicorn mare. i think something is missing........i think Rarity need to be more refined at her words.Well thats just me

3974177 You try sleeping nice and peaceful then BAM your turned to stone by 5 necklaces and a tiara. Manliness gone

3973077 Bad omens all around. This MIGHT be a story I can get into.

3974940 I was right but.... the story is moving at light speed, slow it down to at lest Mach 5, ok.

3975283 Thanks i showed it to my friend and he laughed his ass off

3974820 I guess ponies tried to hurt him a lot and he did something bad right back im guessing? this in the time before the elements but everyone forgot what started it all so I guess that add to the reason he looking for forgiveness and maybe peace?

3975396 Mmmmaaayyyybbbbeeeee (looks around room for ninjas)
<.<
>.>
the maybe side leaning towards yes and your- akkk

Gets killed by a ninja

Remember everyone always be on the look out for ninjas :facehoof:

Plenty of potential with this, im looking forward to the next chapter.

The Next chapter is coming along nicely, it will be 1,500 to about 2,000 words

It's not bad. It's rife with grammar and structure mistakes, along with some plain unbelievable circumstances, but it's not bad.

I'll give you a bit of leeway with artistic license, and give it a chance.

I was thinking about adding a terminator joke in but idk maybe

Very interesting concept, I can't wait for the next chapter : )

Guys, if you go to the popular stories page or heat when browsing, and go to the second page, this is there and i am sooooo happy, so THANK YA, so because you guys and gals have been so good today the next chapter will most likely be up today

3977271
Excellent... a lovely story you have here, I'll be watching and looking forward for more of this.

Holy exposition batman.

This is all moving a bit too fast, considering how short the chapters are. And the way they just spit out exposition by the truckloads in such an unnatural way is kind of not great.

So far I would give it a 7/10 taking into account this is a first attempt. I would slow down the pace and try to avoid explaining a chapters worth of information in one large paragraph. Other than that, I like it so far. The vocabulary and writing structure is all there, just have to practice more I suppose.

It's interesting so far, but you need to lengthen it out a bit. Moving way to fast for me to enjoy this fully. I'm still enjoying it though.

wonder what the Elements reaction to being a omnivore are. also very good

Please, don't write ever again.

>Hey, this story looks promising

>romance tag

damnit.

Note: not a reflection on your writing or anything, I just hate it when this happens.

3978099
Kinda mean there...but at least he's doing something to separate him from the herd.



And somehow this story has been viewed more times then mine even though it seems kinda...un-edited. Unlike mine. Eh, don't matter let the author do what he wishes, and he can burn in his own personal hell for the monster he creates.

Well, unedited in the sense he didn't notice how much he shoved into a tiny paragraph. Did that a few times, making everything really fast. Details are needed, ya know.

You should write the expresion that they are doing for separate their lines because is just a little awkward read one dialoge that dont have any expresion. But i like the story

Sir, the story is no longer go at light speed.
Good, what speed is it at now?
Sir... it's going at GOD SPEED!!!
WHAT?! Hmmm.... keep an eye on it for me. I still think that story can be good.
Right, as you wish sir.

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