• Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 48 minutes ago

MajorFrostwing


Just want to write some good stories

T

Meet Jeremy and Sam Harve. Father and son both thrown into the world of Equestria after a near death experience. When Jeremy realizes his son's life might be in danger he is willing to risk his own life to keep him safe. He meets FLuttershy a kind caring Pegasus who is willing to help take care of them both until they are able to support themselves. Will Jeremy and Sam ever find a way back home? Only time will tell.

This story contains the hardships of a single father raising a son and at points is sad other points are adorable.

This story also contains Anthro versions of ponies. If this does not appeal to you then that is your choice.

Please enjoy and comment on how you think the story is going.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 79 )

This story dose have potential but some of the sentences are akward to read and it feels a bit rushed try slowing down think about what you write is flushed out and can flow like an unblocked stream

6065998
I just wrote this in the span of 4 hours to see if I could do it. Once I get some good sleep I will edit it and make it all sound much better. I apologize if it seems jagged and all around poorly written. The next chapter will go up 1. when I get around to it. 2. when it is examined and cleaned up. Anyway I'm going to pass out now. Night everyone.

Nice story, but you need an editor.

I like where this is going! Hope you make more :twilightsmile:

Okay, this story could be one of my favourites, i had to stay up a bit longer than usual to be able to read it, but it was worth it.
I don´t mind that he cried, since he had a reason, and i well i really like that father.

As long as it is only going to be him, and Fluttershy in a possible relationship, and not much more, than i suppose nothing can go wrong.
As usual i hope the story doesn´t end the moment they get together.

It's a very good idea for a story, but it's very awkward and clunky to read and there are also many grammatical errors, maybe you could find an editor to help you make your story flow better. It's an interesting concept but in its current state it's not very enjoyable.

I get a feeling rainbow dash is going to do something stupid

6070096
She does have a tendency to fuck shit up when it is unneeded.:moustache:

I love it and I'm too tired to criticize garmmor. Good stoy, keep up the good wok

6077674
When I get a break from work I will continue working on chapter 2. Expect it in at least a week.

6079111 YAY-... rats... ima be gone some of next week... and completely the next... Oh well, something to look forward to!

6079116
What day would you able to get on next week?

6079165
My kindness knows no bounds. The next chapter will be going up SUNDAY!

Heartwarming and sweet. A bit rough grammar-wise, but I like it anyway. I hope for an update soon

Now this is my kind of story. A slice of life with a good potential. :)

I really don´t know what to say, to show how much i like it sometimes, but this kind of fanfiction feels really great, and is nice to read, he really cares for his son, and it looks like Fluttershy starts to like him, or maybe his personality already.

I don´t say no to a few little problems for them, but i hope they, or at least his son, doesn´t get it to worse, for being new in town.
(if i should make huge mistakes with my grammar, please point it out, i try to learn it the right way, i know the words, but not everything about the grammar)

Maybe it is to soon, but i want to make it one of my favourite storys, and maybe i asked it already, but i would like it to be a long story.
I maybe repeat myself, but i would like to read a bit about them being together to, not just the start of the relationship. I think it is better to say it now, than to say nothing, whatever you plan to do in the end.

I know you want the father to look like he really cares about his son, but it feels like your stress this fact too often. Would you mind toning it down a bit?

6094766 I can but you have to view it from Jeremy's perspective. Your wife died in child birth and you only have your son left to keep her spirit alive. Would you be protective of him? Would you make every sacrifice to make him never have to see the pain the world could bring? That is what I am going for in this story. How far a father is willing to go to keep his son happy.

or as they I would call them. Goddesses

typo here and a confusing one,

You didn't really do much to describe how Fluttershy looks in this story, and by extension how your version of anthropology ponies look. Surly he must have noticed something else about her besides having fur, such as her equine facial structure, if she had hooves for feet or not, and other such.
There also could have been some surprise to meeting something that clearly wasn't human.

Sam needed a mother in his life... Someone who could be there for him when I can't. I looked to Sam seeing him snoring in deep sleep. He shifted slightly in my arms smiling. Fluttershy was the perfect candidate to be a mother but I couldn't just throw all of this responsibility on her it would be wrong of me to do that. Maybe one day we could... I cut that thought process before it could get any worse. Right now I need to focus on getting Sam into school.

I like most of the story, but you really rush that romance to much, i am not sure, but it doesn´t seems really realistic from him to think about Fluttershy as his wife already, it is somehow akward, how fast it is going, i can live with Fluttershys sudden Chrush, but he seems to be one of those people who are doing wrong decision, because they want to marry to fast.

I don´t like it if he is going to do everything to have Fluttershy as his wife as soon as possible, he should first really think about Fluttershy, and if he starts to like her that way or not, but he already saw her as a mother for Jeremy.
I don´t say that he doesn´t like her, but till now it looks like he would just to it for his son, and maybe even fake as much love for Fluttershy, as it would need to make her the mother of his son.

I don´t know how the other see it, but please don´t try to rush anything, the story itself is really nice, but it is odd that he already thinks about marriage. My aunt as well, she has the third weird Man, and the second time she married, this time even faster than the last time.
Probably because i think i know how well it works for them, is the reason why i think this is not very smart of him to think that fast.

He should take his time to like Fluttershy, he should not force himself to like her faster because of his son.

6118377
Right now Jeremy is only seeing Fluttershy as a potential mother figure for Sam. He doesn't look at Fluttershy as a love interest right now. Now Fluttershy sees Jeremy as a wonderful person and loves how he treats Sam over himself. She just gets embarrassed when she sees Jeremy but she doesn't understand why just yet.

It's adorable watching Fluttershy bond with Jeremy and Sam.

6118461

Right now Jeremy is only seeing Fluttershy as a potential mother figure for Sam. He doesn't look at Fluttershy as a love interest right now

I understand that part with Fluttershy herself at the moment, but what Jeremy is doing, was exactly what i meant, but now you even confirmed it.

He doesn´t really know if he could like Fluttershy this way, if she is pretty nice, but had a moment where he thought to make Fluttershy probably Jeremys mother sooner or later.
Now when i think about it, i maybe can understand, that he is at least searching for someone who can fill that gap, that her mother made as she left them, (she died?), and i even think i know movies where the father think that he has to marry because of his children without love, i guess it only sounded a bit wrong.

Sorry i guess i accept it like this, now i understand it a little bit easier than late in the Night.

6119877
I will not spoil anymore of the story but right now I am working on chapter 4 (not right now since I'm going to bed). I will say this is the most difficult story I have ever written. I just hope people stick with it.

6119900 You have enough good stuff in it, and i believe you if you say, that you don´t want to rush anything, of course i take the time to read more of it:pinkiehappy:

I forgot to say something, i guess the Q & A was a bit short, but Rarity had probably stopped it because she didn´t wanted something bad to happen between him and Applejack.

A pink furred pink haired woman

I really can't tell if this is an oversight, intentional because he isn't thinking mare, or intentional as in they are humanized. Can you please clarify.

6120353 They are anthro and Jeremy has only been in Equestria for 1 day terminology just hasn't fully sunk in yet.

6120353 Im not shre why you need clarification. Its quite clear where this was going. Just replaced mare with woman. In all reality, he is not used to looking at peopla and thinking mare colt filly or stallion, so the word woman fits perfectly actually.

NEED MOAR!! You dont find good anthro stories like this anymore. Those four people who downvoted must have accidentally pressed it lol.

Nice chapter, and the part with the school was not bad either, but i noticed i like it more to read about his dad at the moment.

6146606
It is very difficult to write about Sam since I have to write it from the mindset of a five year old so I can't use big words. But yea I will be focusing the story on Jeremy mostly with little bits and pieces focused on other characters. Expect a big chapter next since I am going to be introducing something only a father can pull off.

You know, I actually posted the same idea for a story on the forums. Only difference is the mother was alive, but was an abusive alcoholic that the father divorced, the 2 stayed with Rarity and the father eventually married her.

6148697
I came up with this story after reading a manga I think it was called. "To Live To Love."

ok so is this human fluttershy or is it pony fluttershy if pony please us hoof and not hand it just bothers me.

6154845 It's anthro. Which means she is a pony with the characteristics of a human.

This is a good story. I like every bit of it. Keep it up my friend. :twilightsmile:

"I want to make one thing clear. Do not make me have to repeat this. If you ever put my son's life in danger again they will not find your body. We clear?"

I like this line.

6224540
I try aslo sorry everyone that I haven't put up the new chapter I have been busy with life so please be a little patient with me.

OH DEAR GOD THE FEELS!!

I'm dying.

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