• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Brony Tom


Hello. I do things every now and then. Also, ponies.

E

About two weeks ago Apple Bloom finally got her cutie mark. She has been having trouble remembering things for the last week and a half.

Could this be coincidence? Or is something else involved here?

[Comments contain spoilers. Beware!]

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 82 )

I've not read it by now, but it somehow sounds like Alan Wake

weird......:twilightoops: like the twilight zone.....and freaky but it had a good ending....

Ok The description sounds a little like Alan Wake, but the story definetly is not.
Well written only the big explanation was a little tiring.

1502588
It's funny you mention that, one of my IRL friends who read it said the same thing. :rainbowhuh:
Plus, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I drew inspiration for the ending from 1984, one of my favorite books that I've read.

1502674
I can't say I'm familiar with 'Alan Wake', but I'm hoping that's a good thing. :derpytongue2:
Anyways, when you say the explanation was tiring, do you mean the one at the end? If so, do you have any suggestions on how I might make it more reader-friendly?

Also, thanks a bunch to everyone who has taken the time to read this and to give me good feedback. Every little bit counts. :twilightsmile:

1503866
It's just the description that sounds a little like Alan Wake. And it is a different type of horror game. The game's biggest pro is the amaizing story. Pen Stroke wrote a crossover. If you want to know more just say it and I'll send you a PM.

Consarn it all, I was looking back over this and I realized that it wasn't the final, formatted version. It's now updated to the way it's supposed to be... I'm sorry if your reading experience was hampered by the lack of italics and such. They're here now, for what it's worth.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
I think you destroyed Cadance for me
I'll watch A Canterlot Wedding later

1504650
YES- Er, I mean, so sorry to hear that. Hopefully you enjoyed it...?

1505362 Yeah, it was nice

How did only a few people like this! It's amazing!

1516495
Thank you so much! :raritystarry: As for why it's not so popular, it's most likely because I derped when I published it, in addition to a variety of other reasons.

Um. *pauses*
Have a sticker. :twilightsheepish:

...seriously, this story is AMAZING. I can't believe this hasn't gotten more attention. The way in which you turned Cadance into something so dark was nothing short of sheer brilliance. Excellent work!

Jeezus...:twilightoops:

Now I feel like there should be a series of short stories akin to The Twilight Zone in this manner

1777217
Why thank you! I actually have another idea for a story that is similar to this one's style, so maybe I'll give it a go. :applejackunsure:

1776778
Thanks, I really appreciate that! It always makes my day when I get such nice comments. :twilightsmile:

This story is amazing.

I also hate it with undying passion. I've followed you, liked and stared it as a favorite, because I want to know whenever you write something else, but I sorta wish I hadn't read this. This is the sorta thing that fills my nightmares, the disruption of free will, and not even being aware of it? *shivers*

But of course they say one of the points of writing is to illicit emotion and you certainly got me to feel something. So bravo

1788206
Thank you so much, I'm so :pinkiehappy: after getting such a nice comment like that! I always love it when I write something that stirs up peoples' thoughts in enjoyment.

I will say, I've got another mind-screw story similar to this one that I'm working on What? Did somebody hear something? I could've sworn I just heard something...

this is just a little fucked up

AND I LOVE IT

Ezn

First thought: "Reverse Background Pony, cool."

Second thought: "Oh, changelings again."

Third thought: :pinkiegasp:

Woah. That is horrifying. The prose here is rough in places, gets better towards the end, but doesn't ruin that this is such a cool idea and not what I was expecting at all. Nice job. Have a vaguely related Decemberists song:

2012453 2012565
:pinkiehappy: Glad you find it acceptable! It warms my heart that your minds have been warped. I think.

What a delightfully horrifying twist of canon. There are too few good dark fics in this fandom, but this more than fills the gap.

2013520
I'm flattered. :twilightblush: Thanks so much.

Well that... huh. I'm caught on the edge of two different opinions about this. Have no fear, they're both positive, but for different reasons. And to different degrees.

I'm gonna need to think about this one for a while to decide.


Somethingsomethingsomething me actually writing something good somethingsomethingsomething not my name or my talent somethingsomethingsomething forgetful.

GET IT? IT IS A SUBTLE REFERENCE TO THE STORY.

SUBTLETY IS BETS CONVEYED IN ALL CAPS.

2013975
Take your time, my good Brony. The mere fact that you are still thinking about it tells me that I have succeeded in my goal for this story. And, well, I'm glad you have positive opinion(s) on it. :twilightsmile:

Cheerilee. Fluttershy. The entire Pie family. That is all.

Okay, no, it isn't. This was a fantastically disturbing story, and I really did enjoy it. I just couldn't resist thinking of counterexamples, since Cadence was such a tyrannical bitch. Really? Harmony really hinges on names synching up with talents? I call bullcrap.

Still, great read.

2014617 Cheerilee already explained her cutie mark in the canon, Fluttershy is a shy pegasus with butterflies as her cutie mark, and I'll give you the Pies.

2014617
It is somewhat of an outlandish premise, I'll grant you that. :raritywink: The only reason I thought the story might work is because such a trend is so prevailing in Equestria, and I thought that this was a cool way to... 'explain' it, if you will.

2015014
You've got to figure sometimes she has to work it in reverse as well. Some couple wants to name their foal after their grandparents, but the foal's destiny is something else, so the name needs to fit the destiny. And so the couple name their foal Snails.

2014617
Strange how the Pie family has been banished to a remote farm where they try to farm rocks. Wonder why they thought that was a good idea... :scootangel:

Except for Pinkie, of course, but she works in a bakery.

This story actually makes you think. Would everything be better if ponies didn't have to be harmonic? Great story, too bad I can only like it once. 6/5:pinkiehappy:

Awww. Darn it Applebloom, why aren't you more awesome? :applecry:

Well hawt dam. That was very well-written, good plotting, perfect pacing. Well done, author, you deserve your feature all right.

"ALL IS WELL"
Not sure if I feel as sorry for Apple Bloom as I should. Cadance made a pretty good point for things having to happen how they do (since apparently destiny is a big ol' deal in Equestria), so the sitch isn't perfect but it's what happens. Just because she smells of death and has a terrifying dedication to her job doesn't make her evil. Just makes her efficient. And creepifying.

A fine fic, anyway!

2016749>>2018277
:raritystarry: Thank you so much for the kind words. It really does mean a lot to me, and I am glad that you were able to enjoy my work.

2018748
Precisely- Cadence isn't objectively evil, it's a matter of perspective. Kudos.

2017409
Well, if Apple Bloom could fight off Cadence's magic it wouldn't be a horror story, now would it? :duck:

Wonderfully horrifying. I love it.

F'naaarrrrrrgggghhh.

Delightfully uncomfortable, a real skin-crawler.

2018748

Well then why not just make them robots? Sentience is in my opinion not whether you can talk, or build things, but whether you can make your own choices or not, a being without free will is not a sentient being in my eyes. This is why I am against the princesses ruling, as why should imortals, beings that cant understand the fragility of mortals, have rule over them?

God(s) rule the heavens...
God(s) will rule fate...
God(s) will rule death...

...We will rule our own.

2033790
Well, that's just, like, your opinion man.

I don't even know what to think after this...you've like killed my brain. :derpytongue2:

But seriously, this is awesome. I don't know what to say...that is such an interesting take. I've always thought Cadance would be a darker character anyway, but this is just brilliant.

...but how come that due to the memory-erasing, Apple Bloom got to keep her name, but not her cutie mark, while Colgate lost her name, but not her cutie mark? Or maybe when Cadance will finally be done with Colgate, her cutie mark will change into toothpaste or something?

Also, you keep calling Apple Bloom the brother of Big Macintosh. :unsuresweetie:

2049646
Did I really miss one of those? Gold-darn it... do you remember where it was? I thought I got the last of those. :applejackconfused:

As for the rest of that, well... it's a mystery. :pinkiehappy:

2049730
You mean there were more of these? Oh well, when I was a fresh brony, I thought that DJ PON3 is male. Though Apple Bloom is kinda obviously female. :rainbowwild:

Anyway, here's the stuff:
“It is not the love of your family that I seek to take from you, Apple Bloom, sister of Applejack and brother of Big Macintosh.”
and
after all, she was a member of the Apple family, and the sister of Applejack and brother of Big Macintosh.

But it would be probably easier to find them if you control-F "brother of".

2049804
Yeah, it was one of those silly mistakes I made when I was writing it- I modified it after the fact and forgot to change all of it to fit the new wording. :derpytongue2:

Wow. I guessed part of the premise early on- that something creepy is happening to Apple Bloom because her cutie mark showed up and it doesn't match her name- but I have to admit, the red herring of the apparent changeling ploy had me seriously confused for a while there. I love the little details of Cadance's role like Applejack actually finding her talent in Manehattan or Colgate being a dangerous anomaly who provided the power for Twilight Sparkle to become the Element of Magic. A lot of Equestria makes more sense as seen through this lens.
Of course, there are also parts that don't fit, but now I'm having fun imagining how they might have been made that way...
* Flim and Flam would be a lot better as con artists if Cadance hadn't intervened to make their magical talents focus on food preparation.
* There would be another example in here to fulfill the rule of three, but I forgot what it was. :trollestia:
* Pinkie Pie cheated the system- her name would have gotten her stuck as a member of the rock-farming Pyrite family or a simple baker, but Harmony needed her as the Element of Laughter instead, so she got the green light to proceed with her talent in making ponies smile.

2135425
I'm glad you're enjoying it! I certainly had fun when I was thinking of some of the counterexamples as well. :twilightsmile:

Excellent story. Moral ambiguity all around. Moustaches awarded: :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Could have an interesting sequel in a post-"Keep Calm and Flutter On" setting with Discord as the protagonist realizing what Cadence is doing, leading to self-reflection over his own treatment of free will.

You know....this story...this story is bucked up.

Everything about it is exactly want I hate when people do these kind of "Dark Forces Controlling the Universe" stories.

It only manages to fill my soul with a horrible feeling of pointlessness and fulitiy. Makes everything the characters do seem completely and utterly pointless, and that free will means nothing because it will disrup "The System".

That being said, it was very well written. However, its philosophy and world view earn it a downvote. Sorry dude.

2211034
Hey, no problem. A downvote just means that I still have room for improvement. Also, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me why you down voted it; goodness knows I hate it when people downvote without saying why. :rainbowwild:

As for the hopelessness depicted in the story, I was trying to get people to think about a broader life issue, one that might not be pleasant. So, in that sense, I suppose I succeeded. Sorry if you weren't so happy with it. :applejackunsure:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!