• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

PresentPerfect


Fanfiction masochist. :B https://ko-fi.com/presentperfect

T
Source

Every foal knows the legend.

You write a letter for help.

You set it on fire.

And she will appear to right all of your wrongs.

With her violence. Sweet, sweet violence.

These are her stories.

Thanks to EGStudios93 for the perfect artwork!

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 180 )

This was a very well written and very good read! Funny at times and gritty and surreal in others ( the Hearths Warming chapter was a tough one for me, but wow was it good!) but very nice to see Fizzle Pop in her element. I could imagine her at the tea party, being just as kind and proper as she was stern and violent in the others.

Nice story. We need a hero like Tempest in these troubled times.

Now, excuse me...I have a letter to write!

But that's not the only movie reference in this chapter! Points if you can spot both. (No, Star Wars doesn't count.)

Batman and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

For some reason, this story makes me want to read about Maud and Tempest having a fisticuffs match.

I want this scene illustrated.

I have no idea how this is a thing, but now that it's happened I can't imagine it not being a thing.

Ooooh this looks good! Lemme get a glass of milk-plus and continue reading.

Is this inspired from Emily Blunt appearing as Mary Poppins later this year? Good job!

Bee Feeder/Beef Eater is a great name.

Also, DBA is Dat Bad Ass.

Did not see it turning out this way. Beautiful!

Also:

I don't have a mom because of buyer's remorse!

New headcanon accepted.

I think Fizzle Poppins is a better name joke, but this idea sounds awesome.

I will personally introduce you to the flavor of your own dock. Do I make myself clear?"

:rainbowlaugh:

This is amazing.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned to not mess with Tempest Poppins, because she will wreck your shit."

Every foal knows the legend.

You write a letter for help.

You set it on fire.

...and you realise that you literally just burned your letter and nothing happens. XD

Headcannon firmly wedged into brain! :rainbowlaugh:

I do not have the vocabulary necessary to describe the bizarre mix of fear, confusion, and arousal this chapter has kindled within me.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

9134202
You receive: One-third point!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

9134221
My One True Punching? Why yes, yes it is! :V

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

9133971
we haev winnar! :D

9133972
I should make them friends in The Princess's Captain. :D Though that risks friend overlap with Starlight. Can't have that! :B

9134036
Couldn't come up with a good pun for it. :B

9134257
Hey, Spike sets letters on fire all the time. :V

Oh Good lord, this was a riot to read... Masterful work.

Starlight's been rubbing off on Twilight, eh? :rainbowlaugh:

9134482
But that's plot-convenience magic fire. Although honestly I like the idea of Twilight writing hundreds of Letters to Celestia and she NEVER gets any of them. Ha ha ha!

"Dear Princess Celestia, are you getting any of the letters I'm having my slave dragon burn?"

Deranged Bad Ass?

Also, you do not mess with a kid's cards. Great justice was served this day.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

9134797
You receive: One-third point!

Sweetie Belle: "Pigs are an inferior species!"

I could hug that adorable ball of fatty fluff for how factually sounding she stated that little remark as to explain why such a thing is hurtful to Apple Bloom and them.

Diamond Tiara's mother is such a bitch. How dare she make Diamond return to her olden and worst than before ways!

Such a gripping redemption story, and the way she symbolically blew away her sorrow from her perfectly manicured hoofsie, showing Tempest just how traumatized Diamond's mother has put the poor filly in, I just couldn't help but weep at such a sad explaining as all her evils were dumped onto her mother. As it was clearly the mother's fault, to which there's no denying.

"We're free."

Not for at least one more season after this.


(I had a good long laugh at this chapter.)

I don't know if this ended in sexy violence or really violent sex.

*Checks Feature Box*

Oh I wonder if anything here will catch my attention today.

*Spots this story*

Wait what?

*Reads the first chapter title*

Okay...what? I don't even. This is either going to be amazing or terrible.

*Starts reading*

"Whoof," said the shape, shaking itself, "they don't make chimneys like they used to."

Nah, they just don't make them as thiccck as you anymore.

derpicdn.net/img/2018/8/4/1797894/large.jpeg

Also, I can see this being what happens after every encounter that ends with Tempest spending the night. ;3

Tempest hella flexed. She could have bench pressed Equestria. Twilight didn't know whether to be frightened or turned on.

Turned on. Definitively turned on. And making out after :pinkiecrazy:

9134202
9134468
9134797

Well lets see if we can work out which word they both got right.

I am guessing Ass, so to confirm it...

Dangerous Boisterous Ass.

((I will be really surprised if Boisterous is right given she isn't, but if I get no points, we can confirm bad is correct....unless Dangerous is right. Damn.))

I could not find any good material that could fit a batman x GotG2 ref for Tempest, but this was a fun ride.

9134842
I am still not entirely sure if it counts as amazing or terrible....

But I was grinning the entire time, so have an upvote regardless.

"There is no magic that will fix your parents' broken marriage,"

You mean other than Princess Cadance, right?

A fantastic, fun story. Still a bit disappointed that Tempest Shadow never beat up Dick Van Dyke.

Damn right, Twilight! You should have been Princess of Magic and, I dunno, Mad Science, not a school principal (and what the heck is a diploma in Friendship going to do for your employment prospects, might I ask?) and roving relationship counselor! They stole 50% of your characterization and gave it to Starlight, for Faust's sake!

(And I am most sympathetic to Purple Pen. When I was 12? Someone interrupting my reading to force me, in spite of my many social anxiety issues, into trying to befriend people? Damn right I'd sic Tempest on them.)

Truly the hero foals everywhere need.

And the beating in Kettle Corn's chapter was savage.

9134974
Maybe that's in the sequel. Or in the director's cut. At worst you can write fanfiction about it.

Login or register to comment