"Eto budet- work. Ha!" Twilight jumped back as her horn dimmed. "I told you I could do it!"
"- .... .- - .----. ... / --. .-. . .- - / -. --- .-- / -.-- .- / -- .. -. -.. / -.. --- .. -. --. / -- .?" I asked as I took a step back, my voice still just as grating.
"What- oh never mind." Twilight lowered her head and shot me with a pulse of magic. "Did it work?"
"I don't know-- oh hey, and even without the translator!" I rubbed my ear and took a deep breath. "So...now what?"
Twilight was interrupted mid swing as she did a victory dance. "Wha--" she stumbled a little, catching herself on a table. "Ow. What?"
I rubbed my forehead and leaned back. "Do I just leave or is there something else?"
Sparkle let out a surprised yelp and ran off. "Wait, just wait, I figured it out!"
Meanwhile Spike strolled in. "Watskeburt?"
I just stared at him for a while, eventually shrugging. "You forgot about Spike." I yelled blankly into the room Twilight had vanished into. Before I could turn away another bright flash zoomed past me and burst over Spike. He buzzed a little as the magic ran through him.
Eventually the magic fizzled and Spike was left face down on the floor. "Wha happen?" he looked around, rubbing his head. "Aw...." He groaned softly as he picked himself up and wandered off.
I felt slightly sympathetic for the little guy. Not only did his crush try to get in bed with me, but he just lost the ability to speak another language in seconds.
"Wait, wait, I got it wait!" Sparkle continued to yell as she bolted towards me. I got into a braced position and waited for her. As I expected she was unable to stop herself and skidded into my arms. I swung her around to bleed off the momentum and set her down. "Whoa, thanks human."
"Still not my name, but you're welcome. So what's up?"
Sparkle's book finally caught up with her. "This." she opened the book and held it for me. Pictures of Roman helmets and a door littered the page. "That's you, see." she poked the Roman helmet with the tip of her hoof. "And that's...in Canterlot!" she jabbed the door with her hoof fervently. "I can send you home!"
I moved the book away. "But that's not even how I got here, I was just sitting at home then poof, I'm here. How will going through a door work!?"
Sparkle froze. "I...I don't know. But we have to try, right?"
I let out a long sigh and stood upright. "I'm skeptical, but will meet you at the train station." I walked out of the library and towards my house. The walk went by quietly, no pony noises, no birds, just silence. It was rapture.
I walked into my house, packed the few things I cared about and walked calmly to the train station. I was met by a vehament blue Pegasus and of course Sparkle. "Human, what the hay!?" Rainbow Dash bolted over and hoovered angrily infront of me. "You're leaving!?"
I covered my mouth and let out a rough cough. "She's making me." I pointed to Twilight to absolve myself.
Dash quickly whipped her head around, smacking me in the face with her mane as she flew over and started arguing with Twilight. She quickly backed up as Rainbow Dash bickered at her. I let them hash it out as I got onto the train and found a seat. I felt a bit nervous as the two ponies found me and joined me. Rainbow took the seat next to me and Sparkle took the seat in front of us. They bickered back and forth as I sat back and relaxed.
I felt my stomach knot up as the train lurched forward. My arrival months ago had left a lasting impact on the princess and the prospect of seeing her was making me slightly sick. "Why does he have to go!?" Rainbow's voice brought me back into reality.
Sparkle folded her ears back and sand behind her chair. "I just...I thought it'd be the right thing to do."
Rainbow pursued her and hung her forelegs over Sparkle's chair. "Well what about--" I stopped her, picking her up and plopping her down next to me.
"Leave the nerd alone...."
Rainbow's face went bitter as she looked at me. "But I--"
"No."
"Bu--"
"No."
"St--"
"Nope." I shut her down repeatedly.
Rainbow folder her forelegs and let her stiff body fall onto my and lay against me. "Not fair."
I hooked my arm around her and pulled her against me. "I know...tell me all about how unfair this is."
Dash snuggled against me and relaxed. "You're not funny."
Things got quiet once again as the train chugged on. Our little trio arrived quickly and started off towards the castle. We were let past the guards without any problems as Sparkle lead the way. We took a few turns and eventually ended up in a black brick catacomb.
I spotted a bright white butt as I was dragged towards an antechamber. I didn't say a word as I lagged behind the group.
"Human." Celestia's soft voice rattled the walls. "How are you?"
I took a deep breath and walked into the bright room. "Alright, you don't sound like a horse anymore."
"Eeeru, phu-phu-phuu uff?" she asked with a turn of her head.
I just glared at her with as menacing a stare as I could muster. "That's not funny."
Celestia covered her mouth with a hoof as she giggled. "What was it you called me? A huge white horse with sun pasties on her butt?"
I continued to glare. "Sparkle...I'm ready to go home now."
Twilight nodded and trotted into the center of the room. She pointed her horn down the hall and took her time charging up a spell. Once ready she shot it down the corridor, slamming into some unseen wall at the back. A bright white light flooded the room, followed by a simple wood framed door popping up at the entrance to the hall. "Alright...that should be it."
I walked over to the door and looked it up and down. I turned to the ponies for a tick. Celestia was smiling happily, as was Sparkle. But Rainbow was a bit somber, trying her best not to show it.
I decided to get it over with and pulled the door open and walked inside. I went blind for a mere moment before coming face to face with thirty odd glowing eyes. I froze as my eyes adjusted.
The eyes became faces, the faces attached to brutal looking men in gray military uniforms. A horrific noise filled my ears. "!&$%@#!?" it sounded like high pitched static and rattled my mind as it filled my ears. Another horridly loud noise rattled my bones, it sounded like dial up and started to immediately drive me insane. "*********!"
The noise grew louder and louder as the bright blue lights grew closer. In a panic I bolted back through the doors, rolling back into the black brick room and startling the ponies. "Fuck that shit!" I scrambled to my feet and looked around. I found a loose brick and yanked it from the wall, promptly bashing the wood frame door into splinters. "Fuck- you- son- of- a- bitch!" I crushed the door until it was no more and took a step back, panting and a bit dreary from the sudden surge of adrenalin.
I was quickly flanked by Rainbow Dash. "What happened!?"
I stared at my handiwork and dropped the brick. "I-uh...couldn't stand the thought of leaving you." I answered with a slight pant.
Rainbow Dash lit up. She let out a tomboyish squeal as she wrapped herself around my waist. She snuggled up against my side and let out a pleased hum. I held my arm around her and ran my hand through her mane. "So...drinks?" I asked everyone in the room. "Celestia, Twilight, drinks?"
The two ponies just stared at me. "Uh...I don't...okay...." Twilight wandered off.
"Dash go follow her." I tapped her head until she flew off, shaking her flank as she walked out.
Alone with Celestia I looked back at the door. "So...what really happened?" Celestia asked as I walked with her towards the exit.
"Uh...." My mind flashed back to the bleary hell, the noise, the glow. "I don't know...but...yeah...smashing was the right answer."
Celestia let out a short laugh. "Human, smashing isn't always the answer you know."
I nodded and rubbed my nose. "Yeah...but trust me, it was the right one this time. Now, let's see if I can out drink the princess of the sun."
I like confetti!
4126359 I have no more chapters planned. Everything's been sorted out and I feel like I wrapped it up neatly.
Well, that was rather amusing.
Sounds like he walked in during an air-raid on a military base during WW II.
4126363 wrapped up neatly? theres out drinking the princess, finishing the conflict of interest in rarity, could probably do more but those two would be enough
Hell is that noise? *drops a carton of a dozen 1" nails, picks up only 3*
Or did was that the universe of the Web Riders from "Reboot"?
4126422 True, but the big thing was the language problem. With that solved it's too simple to sort out the Rarity thing, and getting drunk with royalty could be a story of it's own. *Writes idea down* Yay...
This was amusing, thanks
fav'ed it
Smashing as always.
I liked the ending! I'm glad he stayed with Dashie!
So after staying with the ponies his body may have been to magically alter to properly re-enter the human world...whatever time he popped back to. That's what I'm going to believe anyway. That and that this is the official story of that one Rainbow Dash NSFW comic so yeah I now have a wonderful head cannon back story for it
4126425 I miss Reboot
Rainbow Dash was adorable in this chapter.
Smashing is ALWAYS the answer to everything.
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Hah! Smashing isn't always the answer. True, though if I went through a door just he did and saw and HEARD what he did......yeah it would be smashing time.
Great job again on the story.
...Are you going to show another chapter showing the outcome of the drinking contest?
Okay, I gotcha.
This was pretty interesting.
OH MY GOD YOU ARE A GENIUS!!! I had no clue what was going on until I translated it. I wish google had a horse translator, I want to know what those horses said about Rarity. And what Rarity said to human. I hate to post such a generic comment but buck you for being so goddamn witty.
HUMAN SMASH PUNY DOOR!!!
4126425 I can't believe that I'm not the only one who thought of the Web Riders. Hell I'm mildly surprised that I'm not the only one who remembers Reboot.
if smashing is not working, then clearly you are not smashing it hard enough
4126582
4127321
Smashing is always the answer. The only thing that changes from problem to problem is how hard and what.
4126872
Certified horse whisperer here. There's a bit of ambiguity (Sir Hat, is... regrettably bad at horse onomatopoeia, so it's difficult to make out) but from what I understood...
i.imgur.com/QLz5Mlb.gif
4127431 When in doubt, give it a clout. But never force it, grab a bigger hammer
4127513
You probably just couldn't think of the right thing to smash in those times.
I love you Sir. Hat!
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Ah. Different rates of temporal flow. I guess that book wasn't as old as I thought.
I do like how the narrator turned around after walking face-first into another language barrier. Really makes this feel like it came full circle.
I wasn't expecting this to get a second chapter, much less a third, but you definitely made it work. Thank you for it.
The first chapter was a one-shot, so I didn't fave...
The second chapter was just a follow up. The story was still complete, so I didn't fave...
But this chapter!... Is probably the last one. I'll fave anyways though.
This chapter ruled! Great job, my friend.
4126404 The British? He made the right decision, they might have offered him tea and crumpets. (And he could have gone and killed Hitler. Or make the Nazis win. One or the other, right?) Funny enough, this answer sounds right, since it was a door with Roman artifacts near it.
Human as a name? At least he isn't call My Little Human. Plus he got some pony plot somehow. Did he try and talk in Horse and he somehow whooed RD? With his luck, he did.
Even his fillyfriend calls him Human?
But in truth, Human's name is Hugh Maximilian Hinn. But "Maximilian" sounds terribly pretentious, so he usually just introduces himself as Hugh M. Hinn
Found some things you may want to edit.
That should be "herself".
And that should be "thought".
Haha, this is classic!
Yeah it feels finished for a short story although there could be some questions about Rarity but that was resolved as well. So yeah it's a pretty nice short one shot so good job. Especially with the ending that sending him back wasn't really sending him back, but to a different place entirely. It's also funny that Celestia used horse noises again to mess with the guy.
This gets more and more interesting every chapter.
I'll say it again: This needs to be a full length HiE.
-. --- .-- / - .... .- - / .. / -.- -. --- .-- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. --..-- / .. / -.-. .- -. / -.. --- / .- -. -.-- - .... .. -. --.
4132207
.... . .... . .... . --..-- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. .-.-.- / .. / -.-. .- -. / .--- ..- ... - / .. -- .- --. .. -. . / - .... . / -... . . .--. ... / .--. . --- .--. .-.. . / - .- .--. / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / .-. .- -.-. .. .- .-.. / ... .-.. ..- .-. ... / - .... . -.-- .----. -.. / .... .- ...- . / - --- / ... . -. -..
4132292 - .... . / .- -... .. .-.. .. - -.-- / - --- / - . .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .--. .- .-. . -. - ... / --- .-. / ... .. --. -. .. ..-. .. -.-. .- -. - / --- - .... . .-. / - --- ---
- .... . / .--. --- ... ... .. -... .. .-.. .. - .. . ... / .- .-. . / . -. -.. .-.. . ... ...
OK look this story is great it really is but what in the god damn pickled hell is going on with the story status it says compete so i think oh that was good shame it's over though so i stop watching it.
Then it's on the main page and i think that's weird it's still on the main page after such an amount of time so i click on it and suddenly it has a new chapter now doing this once is fairly common ive seen people do it whenever the story gets more views than they were expecting or they just change there mind about the story or inspiration knocks you know it happens.
But you've done it twice now and from the authors notes it seems as though you are continuing with it even though it's status still says it is complete.
color me confused sir.
4133736
Second chapter was demanded, third was for fun. It's all wrapped up now though.
*Really I just wanted to show an HIE where going home was an option, but extremely unpleasant*
4133745 Man that's a shame i know the protagonist is rather generic but i found the way he interacted with the other characters as well as the way they interacted with him to be pretty funny, it was also good at being rather spontaneous at no point could i really tell what was round the corner.
But what i got was most excellent keep up the good work.
Well, I think that qualifies as weapons grade AWESOME!!!
Awww, I was expecting to have to translate a whole bunch of stuff! I even got the tabs open beforehand and everything! Oh well, less work for me, I suppose
Were those Combine Overwatch?
In any case, great fic. A++
4138393
Those people are a nod to my non pony stuff. A faceless horde of gray uniforms and rage.
4138398 Link?
4138401 Uh...It's not done and I'm not at ease to show it. Sorry. I get defensive for stuff I might actually sell at times.
4139823 Because I'm an indecisive mother fucker!
aw is this really completed? I wanted more