The Flirt

by Sir Hat

(900 prize update!)

Author's Note:

900 upvotes! Fucking cause for celebration...and a small joke.

Human sat at the bar, slamming drink after drink with his friends. "Idufukinnowthefucumen!" he mumbled incoherently as Rainbow Dash tried to steady herself on the counter.

Twilight was almost knocked out after the seconds round and was failing fast. "I don't...I don't...I--" she let out a loud hiccup. "Idont thinkishouldanymore...." she tipped off her chair and fell to the floor.

"Auuuugh fuk!" Human screamed as he tried to help the downed mare. "Nuuuuh, m-'are dun, 'are doown!" he found himself trapped as Rainbow Dash latched onto his side. "No, gottagoshelpthededones!"

Rainbow Dash started her sqeaky laugh as she wrapped herslef around Human. "Ushsundfuilikeastupd!"

Human lost all composure and yelled incoherently. "Ieh-er ragga fushi kuf ah!"

Rainbow answered shot for shot. "Nuh, ush-a reggi nao emire ashal!"

Human leaned against the counter, knocking over a trio of drinks. Celestia felt a splash of cold vodka on her coat and went into a tizzy. "Excush me! I'm gonna get the thing as the other thing in the ponies!" she took a long pause after speaking and started laughing. "Wah I shay?"

Human and Dash stared at the intoxicated royal. "Eh 'ome! Er dunk!" Human mumbled as he continued to try and free himself from the Rainbow maned drunk. "Ifukinfuckinfukyaenthafucker!" Human gave up and laid across the counter. "Ahfuk...ishdunktoo." he let out a terrible moan as he felt himself lean back and fall to the floor.

Celestia's hooves graced his vision as he squirmed on the floor. "Shay u loooves me and I...I...sleep...." Celestia fell to her knees and leaned her head against Human's. "Shay it...shay it...shay.......it...."

Human grumbled loudly as he buried his face into Twilight's flank. "Imsafukinwanerauhgh." Human squirmed a little more before succumbing to his liquor and passing out.

MUCH LATER

Human woke up with a warm sensation surrounding his bare flesh. He gave a single look around his bleary surroundings and sat upright. He quickly found himself amongst a pile of ponies along with everypony from last night and a few others he didn't recognize. "Where am I...and where's my shirt?"

Another look around gave his shirt a location, along with even more questions. "Anybody...why's there a goat in here?"

The goat lazily chewed on Human's shirt as it stared blankly at him. "Maaaah."

Human glared at the goat for a few moments before retorting. "Pheeww...eer-eer-eer-whur-ur-ur-ur." The goat gave a lazy nod and stopped chewing on Human's shirt. When handed his now eviscerated shirt he laid back into the pile of ponies. "Great...thanks." He grumbled lazily as he snuggled against somepony's flank. "I need to drink less."

Comments

[forrest yuchnitz]

he spoke goat thats interesting

[dargondarkfire]

4146406 somepony stole then!

[Sir Hat]

4146406
I preempted yes...I mean...I guess I'll just go take it down....

[Lag Incarnate]

Get shitfaced, nothing will seem strange later. Promise!

[Narlepoax III]

4146414
He does have a translation device.

[Nataniel]

4146438 hell no. just wait for it, i requested some upvotes.

[InfiniteBrony]

It's amazing how he can speak in goat but not in pony.

~Signed, InfiniteBrony

[pahnazd]

4146500 that's because it's Twilight who calibrated his thingie - works brilliantly, just not in the way one would expect

[Rootbeer Dew]

I think he should drink more after that.

[Raistlin]

4146583

I think awakening with a goat in your bed is a good damn reason to quit drinking the rest of your life

[Blackmouth00]

Is there going to be more of this or are you just being a tease.

[Rootbeer Dew]

4146620 To be fair they were just in the same room together which raises the possibility that the goat may be in it for the show, the goat is indeed horny and discarded shirts are good substitutes for popcorn for a goat.

[The dead Pixel Brony]

I AM A MAJESTIC DUCK! QUACK, QUACK BITCH!

[Xuncu]

Blitzed, sloshed, three sheets to the wind, sober enough to fuck your mother, shit-faced, "And watch this!", Waking up to sea shanties, high off one's tits, drunk.

[Kiryu]

Ah I see... buttpillow
derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/15/497274/large.jpg

^close enough.

[FanOfMostEverything]

IT NEVER ENDS.

Also, I get the feeling that at a certain BAC, the first portion of this makes perfect sense.

4146438
You're at 913 now. Confirmed for legit.

[Sir Hat]

4146499
I know, it was a joke.

[TheGreatPandaKing]

4146487
Wait, the translator broke and wasn't fixed though...right? I mean, he doesn't need it anymore for the ponies.

[dragonjek]

I... I completely lost any ability to keep up one Human and Dash started yelling at each other. I can't read drunkese..

[Dustin Lange]

I you Sir Hat!

[Luna1337]

Hmm...a wild drunken party ending up with a goat? Sounds familar...

[Confusion_]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, KILL THE FIC OR JUST CHANGE IT TO UNCOMPLETED ALREADY! (No, don't kill the fic!)
Got to love how he doesn't give a crap he might have had sweet lovin with a pony during the night. That or he must really care about his shirt.

Correction:

along with a even more questions.

along with even more questions.

[Dirty Bit]

And that's why I don't drink

Pretty hilarious how the morning after turned out.

[Zytharros]

Time for him to find out he got EVERY. LAST. MANE. SIX. AND. PRINCESS. Pregnant. Yes, even the ones who weren't there.
Fffffffffff...

[Sir Hat]

4147277 Yep.

[TheGreatPandaKing]

4148151 The through the power of alcohol he learned to speak goat! He must've gotten some powerful stuff

[Cloverman The Purple]

Drink... Less?

[SpecksTheRoyalArchiver]

4148137 he must be almost as potent as the Great and Powerful Trixie

[Zytharros]

4150012
Yes. He is 0.0000000000000000000000011119384757473837473293984759% less potent. But still more so than Celestia.

[BionicBrony]

I... ummm... er... What...?

[Summer Dust]

Cute.

[Tenebrae Divinae]

Wow. This is great. More updates please.

[XEN0KID]

if you do another one of these, can you have them doing drunk science?

[Morphy]

4151726

Twilight and Human (that's not my name dammit!) do drunk science, yeay!

[XEN0KID]

4155974 <(YAY!)

[Officer Hotpants]

I love these.

[Paladin Redflare]

AWW MAN I WANNA SLEEP IN A PILE OF PONIES!

[Amadeus]

Loved it. Off to read more of your stories.

Also 1000!!!!

[Seether00]

4190686

Nah, they're smelly

[Sir Hat]

4254756
You should clean your ponies, bro.

[Paladin Redflare]

4254756 Celestia smells like tropical Skittles, Rainbow Dash smells like regular Skittles, Twilight smells like berry Skittles, and I smell like Old Spice. It'll smell glorious.

[Gmtecol]

why am I the only one that if I woke up in pone pile I'd be very concerned?
"WHERE AM I? WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! HOW DID I GET HERE?!"

[Espeon_in_the_Morning]

4274802
Oh, my mistake then. A few spots seemed out of place, but that is probably just me.

[Sir Hat]

4274809
Ponies whinny at him, and whine at him, and a whining horse is never a good sound.

[Espeon_in_the_Morning]

4274820
Touche. It hurts the ears, but it does sound like high whinnying mostly... Meh, whatever, I suppose you are fine how it is.

[HB_DS2013]

4151726 If that explains how Pedobear was born...

[WorldWalker128]

I did not really like this chapter but I enjoyed reading the rest of the fic. Oh wells.

[iloveportalz0r]

>MUCH LATER
SUCH STORY
VERY WAT
WOW
SO LANGUAGE

[Peacekeeper]

huh could have sworn this story has a one shot chapter....

[Sir Hat]

4334751
People demanded more.