I sat at the bar, nursing my drink as ponies came and went. The sound of their native language heavy in the air.
I just kept to myself and enjoyed the heavy taste of apples mixed in with my drink. If there was one thing these ponies knew, it was how to get drunk on apples. That's not to say they're not good at other things, but getting hammered was one of my only joys since I got here.
A lot of things have been crazy since I got here, yet somehow it all gets sorted out in the end.
Something about a group of six ponies, and something about magical friends or something. It struck me as bollocks, but who am I to argue.
Even my being here was sorted out rather quickly. One day I'm plopped down in a world of sentient ponies, the next I'm helping some purple pony with translations. But she was nice enough to make a translator for me. That kindness was short lived however, since I was slammed into a wall by her blue friend, and I've been too busy to get it fixed.
It hasn't hindered me too badly. These pony's body language is much more expressive than their actual language, which is difficult, to make out.
"Eeeerh." a shrill voiced pony squealed into my ear, slamming a mug down on the counter next to me. "Eurh!?" I nodded stupidly and turned back to my drink, letting the obviously drunk pony go back to her drink. "Eeheeeh." She turned to her friend and started whinnying incoherently.
From what I gathered, the ponies could understand me, and they were even speaking the same language, it just came out in an incompatible noise for me. I really needed to get the translator fixed, these horse noises were giving me flashbacks of Nebraska.
I was thankful considering my life before hand was kinda drab, but the lack of communication and the constant shrill cries were taking their toll on my mental state. But again, I couldn't complain too much. I had a house, I had a pseudo job, and I had friends.
Friends that I couldn't understand right now, but still. I enjoyed my new life. It wasn't exactly the same, or quiet as normal, but that came with bonuses of their own. For all the complaining I could ever do, there was a plus to counteract each one.
I got meat from flying lion eagle people, I got water and friendship from the ponies. They're great at massages too.
Life was good. Never will things be the same, but they're still good. Even when a dragon comes and lights my ass on fire, it'll still be better than getting hit by a car.
A loud tapping grew slightly closer as I finished my drink and tried to ask for more. After some whining and some hand gestures the bartender refilled my drink. I went back to drinking. I felt something tug my jacket, quickly telling me who it was.
"Ehuuf, eer hure" I recognized the tone. Rarity quickly occupied the space next to me. I felt the electric tingle of her magic tug on my jacket once again and straighten out a seam.
I let out a long sigh and turned back to my drink. "Rarity...how are you?"
Rarity smiled and tipped her chin up. "Heur, ererer-er!"
"That's good." I replied, not having a clue what she said. I turned away from her and flagged down the bartender. I did my best to discretely order a drink for Rarity, managing to get her something nice without blowing my secret.
"Eee hwu." she answered happily. She daintily sipped her drink, leaving me to get pleasantly plastered.
I spotted a duo of ponies walk past, resting on the counter next to me and talking. "Reeehphu, huuf."
Rarity swung around her seat. "Ree hurr phu, aereee!"
I stared in horror at my drink as the pony noises grew louder and more aggressive.
I could hear one of the other ponies laughing in their pony way. "Eeeeeer-eeh-heh--"
"Shut up!" I screamed, knocking my drink off the counter. "Shut up shut up shut the fuck up!"
The room grew quiet as I stared down the startled pony. "Hu-u-uf, eerh. Ree-huff." the offending ponies wandered off, leaving me to order another drink and try to relax.
Rarity twirled a curl of her mane around her hoof. "Hwuu-fuuh." she stared at me without even a hint of subtly as I slung another drink back. "Heer-uuhf...eee-eh, snoo-uf."
"Yep." I mumbled as I laid my leaned against the bar counter. I'm not sure who I yelled at, but apparently Rarity was happy, but all it meant for me was now somepony was gonna start snubbing me.
I felt something press against my side as I stared into my empty mug. I didn't bother turning, instead letting out a long sigh. Whatever I did, I probably shouldn't have done it.
Finally turning, I found Rarity with her hooves curled around my right arm. She fluttered her eyes open and spoke. "Eeer-eeer-eeerh." I didn't answer. I just went back to my drink and finished it off. "Huuur, eeeeh-eh?"
I made a few confused hand gestures before leaning back in my chair. "What?"
"Phu, er-er-eeeeer." her voice was slow, but extremely shrill. I looked around as the bar grew silent, half the ponies staring at me, and the other half pretending not to.
I shook my head and clutched my face. "That's probably the most erotic thing I've ever heard." and I have no idea what it was.
She gave me a half lidded gaze and bit her lip. "Huuu-urrr...."
I stared blankly at her and stood up. "I'm gonna...go home...."
Rarity's expression went dumb. "Huuf- errrr erhu?!"
"...Yes?" I said, unconvinced of what I meant. "Look...I'm gonna go...take a shower or something." I ran out before anypony could start whining at me. I've been hit on by ponies before, but something about hearing them in their natural voices made me extremely uncomfortable.
Today had been a strange, horribly awkward, day. Just like every other day.
Damn. Rarity has a way with words.
I had the giggles the whole time.
i have no idea what i just read, please pardon me while i go ahead and read it a second time to comprehend everything.
4111121 I think Rarity was quite concise. What's there to be confused about?
uh-huh, ok, thats what i thought. interesting, but can you expand on this story at all? maybe add an aftermath?
tinyurl.com/llaz5ct
4111112
*Whinny*
To say that is original is an understatement. Thanks for this entertainment in my half drunken stupor. Keep up the good work and I apologize in advance for any grammer mistakes in my sentences. xD
Please continue your ingenious art.
4111135
Whoa, you have to buy me a drink first!
so much yes
4111125 the fact that i took guitar lessons over how to speak equine last year
4111157 Eeeeeruh!?
4111157 Tsk. Didn't you see Yes Colt? Ya missed out, good sir.
Or in other words...
Neigh.
And that's one of the reasons some people are confused about bronies liking ponies, because to them whenever they see a pony talk they turn into real horses with real horse noise and not the cute little cartoon characters we see. But this poor guy can only hear real horse noises from them.
4111163 pardon me while i fetch my equine to english dictionary
audible gasp! i apologise for my uncouth behavior your majesty! i shall fetch the maple syrup post-haste!
I can see this in the featured box!
4111201
Hruufh
4111241 That happens and I will burst out laughing.
*COUGH COUGH* I MEAN
Eeeeer ruh- huuf!
4111241
4111260
Agreed! Er, I mean... whinny!
Well that...was random. Entertaining though
4111258 in all seriousness though you really should expand on this more, i fucking loved it.
4111318
It's just hard as hell to onomatopoeise horse noises.
hehehhahahahaHAHAHAAAAHHAHAH -oh god-
AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! - I think I'm crying a little-
AHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Neigh.
Oh man, that was too funny!
Ever since I saw all three of the "Real Ponies" videos, I've pondered something regarding this information, but had no ideas for implementing it. Well done! I love you for writing this.
I have only one thing to say.
For love of the God man, put up the translation please!
i want to the words!!
Very funny, I would love to see another story like this.
lol that was funny XD
4111509 Don't look at me! I don't speak horse....
4111134 Neat.
4111525 You know... you could just write a second chapter or sequel with Rarity's POV.
Even better, write a sequel with a flipped version of this, where Rarity hits on a human who speaks in words she can't understand. She hits on it anyway.
4111789
....If this hits featured maybe. God damn it...all my one shots demand more....
I'm not sure I yelled at,
Looks like you're missing a 'who' there.
I have no idea what I just read, honestly. Without seeing what Rarity was saying, I guess my brain is saying 'story not finished' and holding off on conclusions.
4111789 I had that idea, but am writing already.
Either a Dutch man, or a french man.
Also...never capitalize 'french', they haven't earned it yet.
MORE
4111880 Sacrebleu!
4111886 Belabberd frans verliezer.
4111911 I speak horse, not french.
4111920 It's Dutch. Far superior to lousy french cheese
menpeople. I didn't mean to forget about all those lovely cheese scented women.4111923 Ah, my bad and apologies. I can't wait to see what you write next!
4111936
....Satyrs....but it's only doing okay. Not great.
Hopefully when I get some more chapters out it will pick up.
BUT THIS IS STILL FUN! Eeeeeurrrrur!
Ah, the "Real Ponies" videos. Always a treat.
Stories that tackle the human-pony language barrier are always entertaining. This one did an especially good job of it. I do like how many blanks are left for the reader to fill in. The general idea is clear, but the specifics...
It's like a Mad Lib, only instead of "noun" or "adjective" there are "greeting" and "single entendre".
Thank you for this, Sir Hat. And let the record show that "flying lion eagle people" would be an awesome name for a band.
4111344
Jonathan Swift made it work. Cf. the last installment of Gulliver's Travels.
4112074
I never said it's impossible, only that it's difficult...and I smell...paint thinner...acetone....may....heea haopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
4112095 For fucks sake, you amazing.
Doc,Every time i read your shit,Im pleasantly suprised,And i hate suprises...*Grumble grumble fuckingbitch grumble grumble*
This is so confusing, I accidentally pressed the fav and like button.