//------------------------------//
// *Buzz* 
// Story: The Flirt 
// by Sir Hat 
//------------------------------//

	"Eto budet- work. Ha!" Twilight jumped back as her horn dimmed. "I told you I could do it!"

"- .... .- - .----. ... / --. .-. . .- - / -. --- .-- / -.-- .- / -- .. -. -.. / -.. --- .. -. --. / -- .?" I asked as I took a step back, my voice still just as grating.

"What- oh never mind." Twilight lowered her head and shot me with a pulse of magic. "Did it work?"

"I don't know-- oh hey, and even without the translator!" I rubbed my ear and took a deep breath. "So...now what?"

Twilight was interrupted mid swing as she did a victory dance. "Wha--" she stumbled a little, catching herself on a table. "Ow. What?"

I rubbed my forehead and leaned back. "Do I just leave or is there something else?"

Sparkle let out a surprised yelp and ran off. "Wait, just wait, I figured it out!"

Meanwhile Spike strolled in. "Watskeburt?"

I just stared at him for a while, eventually shrugging. "You forgot about Spike." I yelled blankly into the room Twilight had vanished into. Before I could turn away another bright flash zoomed past me and burst over Spike. He buzzed a little as the magic ran through him.

Eventually the magic fizzled and Spike was left face down on the floor. "Wha happen?" he looked around, rubbing his head. "Aw...." He groaned softly as he picked himself up and wandered off.

I felt slightly sympathetic for the little guy. Not only did his crush try to get in bed with me, but he just lost the ability to speak another language in seconds.

"Wait, wait, I got it wait!" Sparkle continued to yell as she bolted towards me. I got into a braced position and waited for her. As I expected she was unable to stop herself and skidded into my arms. I swung her around to bleed off the momentum and set her down. "Whoa, thanks human."

"Still not my name, but you're welcome. So what's up?"

Sparkle's book finally caught up with her. "This." she opened the book and held it for me. Pictures of Roman helmets and a door littered the page. "That's you, see." she poked the Roman helmet with the tip of her hoof. "And that's...in Canterlot!" she jabbed the door with her hoof fervently. "I can send you home!"

I moved the book away. "But that's not even how I got here, I was just sitting at home then poof, I'm here. How will going through a door work!?"

Sparkle froze. "I...I don't know. But we have to try, right?"

I let out a long sigh and stood upright. "I'm skeptical, but will meet you at the train station." I walked out of the library and towards my house. The walk went by quietly, no pony noises, no birds, just silence. It was rapture.

I walked into my house, packed the few things I cared about and walked calmly to the train station. I was met by a vehament blue Pegasus and of course Sparkle. "Human, what the hay!?" Rainbow Dash bolted over and hoovered angrily infront of me. "You're leaving!?"

I covered my mouth and let out a rough cough. "She's making me." I pointed to Twilight to absolve myself.

Dash quickly whipped her head around, smacking me in the face with her mane as she flew over and started arguing with Twilight. She quickly backed up as Rainbow Dash bickered at her. I let them hash it out as I got onto the train and found a seat. I felt a bit nervous as the two ponies found me and joined me. Rainbow took the seat next to me and Sparkle took the seat in front of us. They bickered back and forth as I sat back and relaxed.

I felt my stomach knot up as the train lurched forward. My arrival months ago had left a lasting impact on the princess and the prospect of seeing her was making me slightly sick. "Why does he have to go!?" Rainbow's voice brought me back into reality.

Sparkle folded her ears back and sand behind her chair. "I just...I thought it'd be the right thing to do."

Rainbow pursued her and hung her forelegs over Sparkle's chair. "Well what about--" I stopped her, picking her up and plopping her down next to me.

"Leave the nerd alone...."

Rainbow's face went bitter as she looked at me. "But I--"

"No."

"Bu--"

"No."

"St--"

"Nope." I shut her down repeatedly.

Rainbow folder her forelegs and let her stiff body fall onto my and lay against me. "Not fair."

I hooked my arm around her and pulled her against me. "I know...tell me all about how unfair this is."

Dash snuggled against me and relaxed. "You're not funny."

Things got quiet once again as the train chugged on. Our little trio arrived quickly and started off towards the castle. We were let past the guards without any problems as Sparkle lead the way. We took a few turns and eventually ended up in a black brick catacomb.

I spotted a bright white butt as I was dragged towards an antechamber. I didn't say a word as I lagged behind the group.

"Human." Celestia's soft voice rattled the walls. "How are you?"

I took a deep breath and walked into the bright room. "Alright, you don't sound like a horse anymore."

"Eeeru, phu-phu-phuu uff?" she asked with a turn of her head.

I just glared at her with as menacing a stare as I could muster. "That's not funny."

Celestia covered her mouth with a hoof as she giggled. "What was it you called me? A huge white horse with sun pasties on her butt?"

I continued to glare. "Sparkle...I'm ready to go home now."

Twilight nodded and trotted into the center of the room. She pointed her horn down the hall and took her time charging up a spell. Once ready she shot it down the corridor, slamming into some unseen wall at the back. A bright white light flooded the room, followed by a simple wood framed door popping up at the entrance to the hall. "Alright...that should be it."

I walked over to the door and looked it up and down. I turned to the ponies for a tick. Celestia was smiling happily, as was Sparkle. But Rainbow was a bit somber, trying her best not to show it.

I decided to get it over with and pulled the door open and walked inside. I went blind for a mere moment before coming face to face with thirty odd glowing eyes. I froze as my eyes adjusted.

The eyes became faces, the faces attached to brutal looking men in gray military uniforms. A horrific noise filled my ears. "!&$%@#!?" it sounded like high pitched static and rattled my mind as it filled my ears. Another horridly loud noise rattled my bones, it sounded like dial up and started to immediately drive me insane. "*********!"

The noise grew louder and louder as the bright blue lights grew closer. In a panic I bolted back through the doors, rolling back into the black brick room and startling the ponies. "Fuck that shit!" I scrambled to my feet and looked around. I found a loose brick and yanked it from the wall, promptly bashing the wood frame door into splinters. "Fuck- you- son- of- a- bitch!" I crushed the door until it was no more and took a step back, panting and a bit dreary from the sudden surge of adrenalin.

I was quickly flanked by Rainbow Dash. "What happened!?"

I stared at my handiwork and dropped the brick. "I-uh...couldn't stand the thought of leaving you." I answered with a slight pant.

Rainbow Dash lit up. She let out a tomboyish squeal as she wrapped herself around my waist. She snuggled up against my side and let out a pleased hum. I held my arm around her and ran my hand through her mane. "So...drinks?" I asked everyone in the room. "Celestia, Twilight, drinks?"

The two ponies just stared at me. "Uh...I don't...okay...." Twilight wandered off.

"Dash go follow her." I tapped her head until she flew off, shaking her flank as she walked out.

Alone with Celestia I looked back at the door. "So...what really happened?" Celestia asked as I walked with her towards the exit.

"Uh...." My mind flashed back to the bleary hell, the noise, the glow. "I don't know...but...yeah...smashing was the right answer."

Celestia let out a short laugh. "Human, smashing isn't always the answer you know."

I nodded and rubbed my nose. "Yeah...but trust me, it was the right one this time. Now, let's see if I can out drink the princess of the sun."