//------------------------------//
// Chapter 29: The Gala (season finale) 
// Story: The Cassandra Chronicles 
// by CassandraMyOCisBestpony 
//------------------------------//

The night of the Grand Galloping Gala had finally arrived, and the ponies were raring to go.  But Pinkie's fourth wall breaking powers had detected a problem.

"Uh-oh, the episode's two minutes short."

"How is that possible?" said Cassandra who could also break the fourth wall, and do it better than Pinkie Pie, "We've already padded it out with three songs!  Did you let Applejack into the writers' room again?"

"Don't you worry Cassandra, I learned my lesson from last time. In fact I found the script to Feeling Pinkie Keen 2 under her bed, and disposed of it promptly."

"That's a good girl.  Now let me have a look at this ep, and I'll see what I can do."  She flipped through the pages and came up with a solution in 2 seconds; uncharacteristically slow for her, "It drops us at the gala immediately, maybe we could talk about how we get there."

"That's easy-peasy!" said PInkie Pie, "we just take the train to Canterlot!  Buuuuut what if I blew up the train station so that we had to find some other way?"

"I can't always tell if you're being serious, so just to be safe I'll make it clear: Do not blow up the train station."


*****


"...so I've transformed this apple into a carriage and we can ride it to Canterlot."  said Twilight, "thanks Cassandra for the spell idea."

"You know, I've never done it in the backseat of a carriage" said Rarity to Cassandra batting her eyelashes.

"I'll be sitting up front then.  Nothing personal, I just have a headache." said Cassandra


*****


"I can't believe we're finally here.  Now I'll give you all some advice to ensure that this is The Best Night Ever!"  Cassandra broke into song,

"At the Gala (at the gala)"

First she turned to Fluttershy,
"At the gala, with a ticket, that you didn't need at all
Dresses ruined, from the grass stains at the gala (At the gala)
You might think that, you're an expert, on the creatures big and small.
But they're still just fickle critters, strangers at the gala (at the gala)
(Realistic dreams come true, right here at the gala, at the gala)"

Then Applejack
"At the gala, (for the nobles) you've severely (not surprising), missed the mark on apple treats (one-trick pony).
Food is free here (all-inclusive), I'm predicting (very likely), you will suffer a defeat (sales are flat)
And even if you sell out, you'll fall short at the gala (At the gala.)
(All your food's horrible, you charge way too little, all you'll make is pocket change, right here at the gala, at the gala)"

Then Rarity
"At the gala, you're deluded, if you seek matrimony.
All you'll get is one-night stands here at the gala (At the gala)
Flash decisions, over marriage, don't end real well usually,
You will go home disappointed, tonight at the gala
(This is what we've waited for to have thee best night ever, six dumb ponies we don't need, right here at the gala.  At the gala.)"

There was an epic trumpet solo, then she addressed Dash,
"They've been waiting for a night off, from being public figures
The Wonderbolts they're truly sick, of you fangirls from the sticks
They're here as partygoers, not for your entertainment.
So don't make them talk business all night at the Gala. (At the gala)"

She looked PInkie right in the eye
"I am here at the grand gala, for it is the best party, 
but the one thing that could ruin it stands right in front of me.
For you are the worst at manners, prose, and common courtesy,
Keep your eyes down, and your mouth shut, you might survive the Gala.
(Classiness is crucial at the gala.  At the gala)"

And finally to Twilight,
"At the Gala, with the princess, you'll stand all silently,
You're the only one who wants to, have a chat with royalty
And yes that was sarcastic, in case you didn't catch the subtlety."


Into the gala we must go,
You're prudent and you're in the know
Into the gala don't fuck up, we'll have the best night ever.
In the gala now's the time
I hope you don't ignore my rhyme

"Can we sing too?" interjected Twilight.

"No."


*****


The six less-interesting members of the Mane 7 had decided to ignore Cassandra's advice and do their own thing.  Cassandra, being the selfless pony she was, monitored them closely to make sure they didn't embarrass themselves, and her by proxy.  She decided to deal with Pinkie pre-emptively

"Pinkie, do you want to play a game?"

"Do I???"

"Ok, let's play sit at this table quietly.  It may sound like a cheap ploy to keep Auntie Cassandra from having to deal with you all night, but it is a game."

"Alright!  Game!"  She sat down at the table and stared off into space.

"Nice job.  Now I have to go talk to my friend of many years Octavia about some IOU's on practice kissing, you keep playing."


*****


"Hey Applejack, how goes the sales?"

"Great!  Ah sold an apple pie already!"

"A whole pie?" said Cassandra, genuinely impressed, "Not bad.  How much were you charging per slice?"

"Slice?  Ah sold th' entire thing fer two bits."

"Aaaand it's gone." Cassandra facehoofed. "Applejack, I hate to say this, but your best bet is probably to burn down this stand and collect the insurance money."

"What's insurance?"

"Right, I'm gonna walk away now."

"There's always money in th' apple stand."

"You're not worthy of using that reference."  Cassandra was right, as usual.


*****


Soarin was about to drop his apple pie, when a light blue pegasus dashed out and saved it with her supersonic speed.  It was the awesome Cassandra.

"Hey thanks for saving my pie" said Soarin, "I needed it in one piece to get a refund."

"No problem" said Cassandra.

"Hey Cassandra, long time no see," purred Spitfire, "I see you've been keeping your muscles toned." She made no effort to conceal her wingboner.

"Yes yes" said Cassandra dismissively. She pulled Dash into the frame "Dash, meet Spitfire, Spitfire meet Rainbow Dash."

"The wonderbolts!" said Rainbow Dash, "Ohmigoshohmigoshhmigosh!!!  I can't believe you know them!"

"Yeah, I completed their training and became five star general. but I got bored of it.  You two have fun."

"Aren't you going to stay?" asked Dash

"Cassandra" whispered Spitfire, "I'm not wearing anything under my flightsuit."

"No Dash, I think I'll go somewhere else."


*****


"Hiya Rarity, looks like somepony got first pick of stallions."

"This is my future husband, Prince Blueblood." said Rarity.

"I don't think that's going to happen." said Cassandra

"Oh, I see." Rarity winked, "You're saying I need to show some skin, to seduce him."

"That's not-"

"What am I saying? We don't normally wear clothes... so if I want to be sexy, I need to put more clothes on!" She threw on a scarf, a huge hat, and a baggy sweater.  Cassandra was going to object, but then thought better of it,

"No." she said to herself, "she has to learn on her own."


*****


"Hey Twilight, you haven't broken anything, have you?"

"Nope, just been standing here shaking hooves with ponies.  Why don't you go mingle?"

"I have to keep a close watch on the other ponies so that they don't screw up."

"Cassandra, aren't you supposed to be the Element of Trust?  Why don't you trust that your friends can go five minutes without embarrassing themselves?"

"You're right Twilight, I will."


*****


The six ponies looked downcast in shame.  Cassandra had rounded them all up in Pony Joe's shop and was chewing them out,

"Do you have any idea how much you all embarrassed yourselves?  And me, because I have to be associated with all of you!  This was supposed to be a nice event!"

"We could make it up to you with practice kissing" suggested Rarity

"You're god damn right there'll be practice kissing!  You won't be able to feel your lips for a week!  And Rainbow, since you get turned on by me being rough, I'm going to purposely restrain my anger around you!"

"Aw" said Rainbow.

"Now I'm going to go salvage the Gala, and I'm locking all of you in here so that you can't cause any more damage."  Celestia raised her hoof

"Cassandra, I don't mind that they wrecked the gala."

"I know, Tia.  That's why I'm locking you in here too."

And so, Cassandra went and fixed the gala with one swoop of her perfect mane, and socialized with the other high-class ponies, in restrained manner so that they didn't get jealous of her being the classiest pony at the party.  They were all wowed by her humility, and begged her to retake her position on the throne, but she wowed them with her humility a second time when she declined.  Later on, she ran into Prince Blueblood.

"Hello.  I am Prince Blueblood, and I.... I...."

"What's the matter?"

"I don't know.  I have this feeling like I want you to be my date for the night, only I want to pay for apple fritters, use my cloak on spilled drinks, and apologize for treating your friends badly."

"That is called love, Blueblood.  It seems I have broken through your ice-cold heart.  Love is a feeling a of selflessness you get when making somepony happy is a reward on its own."

"I do not fully understand, Cassandra, but I want to make you... happy."

"You know what would make me really happy?"

Prince Blueblood and Soarin shared Cassandra in bed.  The Mane 6 realized that they were happiest with each other, so they laughed and had a good time with Princess Celestia.  Applejack choked on a donut and died.  Truly it was the Best Night Ever.


END OF VOLUME 1