Cyrano de Rarity
The dramatic poetic retelling of Sweet and Elite
The time had come to turn the pages on Twilight Sparkle's book of ages. Her six friends began to organize a celebration.
Cassandra didn't want to be over-zealous, lest the other friends get jealous, she made sure to exercise a lot of moderation.
Presently at half past four, came a knocking at the door, 'twas Rarity with a look of utter consternation
"Can you spare a moment please? I'm feeling quite weak on my knees, a favour from you would be quite a charity."
"Why I would be utmost embarrassed, if while sorting out Tartaress, couldn't spare a moment for my dear friend Rarity."
"Twilight's spirits would be lifting, if a dress I could be gifting, but it must be finished in time for this special day.
So I've taken several actions, to shield myself from life's distractions, I've rented out a tower and I'll seal myself away."
"Your skills to mine can't hold a candle, but it seems you've got a handle, so pray tell what help of mine you crave?"
"I lack the knowledge of things global, if perchance I meet a noble, I shan't know at all how to behave."
Said Cassandra with a smile, "can you make it worth my while? I anticipate a busy week ahead."
"Loath you would be to be missing, several sessions of practice kissing, and did I mention that my suite only has one bed?"
"Fine I'll give you my perusal, that offer defies refusal, with my help you'll soon become the royal city's star."
Like Cyrano but with complexion, of a goddess's perfection, Cassandra would be watching, guiding her from afar.
*****
In an outdoor cafe sat Rarity, sipping her coffee gracefully, having been educated on the high class drinks and blends.
Making sure it played out right, Cassandra observed from rooftop height, as two elite-class ponies made conversation with her friend.
She saw trouble at ten o' clock, drew her slingshot and a rock, and fired off a shot at bullet speed.
Approaching Rarity for an accosting, was the mentally exhausting, uncultured earthpony named Hay Seed.
But he dropped without a cry, when he got struck between the eyes, leaving Rarity's image safe and sound.
The conversation turned to hats, and she impressed the aristocrats, with her fashion sense, she truly did astound.
Then by random happenstance, she crossed the path of Fancy Pants. Cassandra hissed "Move over to the side."
Her avoidance of collision, solidified the colt's decision, "care to join me at Derby?" "Why I'd love to!" she replied.
He took her to his private box, the others judged and stared like hawks, but with Cassandra's guidance, she kept herself composed.
"Betting money on the track? Rapidfire will win it back" said Fancy Pants, but Rarity opposed.
A different pony got her vote, but Cassandra said "don't rock the boat, that's the fastest way to get yourself exposed."
Said Rarity "I find it odd, that the secret lies in fraud. From your counsel I just might go rogue."
"This truth may be hard to swallow, but the leader they do follow, he can put anything in vogue..."
"...so If you don't want any hassle, say you're sleeping in a castle, and do not speak of Ponyville at all."
With Cassandra's lie concoction, she scored invites to an auction, truly she'd become belle of the ball.
Back at the hotel she lamented, "these rich folks are so demented, all they ever do is nod their heads."
"But Rarity, you should be proud, you've cracked the secret to this crowd, stop fighting with the system, make it work for you instead."
"This feels so right and yet so wrong, you know what I need? A catchy song, with everything I've learned rolled into one.
"A melody I shall compose, with graceful rhymes & perfect prose." Cassandra handed her a piece of paper, said "it's done."
"Becoming Popular" she performed, as she took the town by storm, but her dear friend's gift she had neglected.
She returned a tired heap, forgot the dress and went to sleep, but in the morning found it was perfected.
"But who completed my design with craftsmanship and skills divine? Was it some bizarre temporal shift?"
"Fluttershy is good at sewing, but I'm surprised at you not knowing, she's not the only pony who happens to share that gift."
"Oh Cassandra, platitudes, cannot express my gratitude, I simply must reward with something more."
With adulation and great bliss, she moved in for a practice kiss, but they were interrupted by a letter at the door.
The message was from Upper Crust, "attend our soiree, simply must," but it overlapped with Twilight's party.
"Opal has been taken ill, we can't return to Ponyville" she wrote her friends an apology most hardy.
But sadly this was one exception to prospering from deception, for they felt compelled to come and visit her in person
And though the five of them meant well, the parties ran in parallel, and Rarity's conflict began to worsen.
*****
Majestic as the great Valhalla, yearly this space hosts the gala, but tonight its halls would be defiled.
Artillery-based decorations, revelry & celebrations, primal urges won out, and they heeded call of wild
They struck piñatas, ate their cake, and Rarity took a bathroom break, but really she sneaking to the party in the garden
And Applejack, she breathed her last, stood in front of a cannon blast, but it was deemed an accident and Pinkie got a pardon.
Presently the other five (four since AJ's not alive), saw the ponies outside and decided to be crashers.
Cassandra knew they'd be revolted, so the door she shut & bolted, saved the reputation of the lovely haberdasher.
But Rarity, she let it slip, her Ponyvillian citizenship, Jet Set & Upper Crust were quick to bust her chops.
She was saved from humiliation by Fancy Pants's acclamation, he gave Twilight's dress some major props.
"Thanks for being so defensive, but your reasons make me pensive, what compelled you to speak up and help me save some face?"
"Of all the tycoons, kings, and bankers, those two are the biggest wankers, I was looking for a way to put them in their place...".
"...and you're so good at kissing ass, you'll fit in fine with upper class. You must be something special if Cassandra is your friend.
Yes I admit this isn't gallant, but you don't need any talent, it's who you know that matters in the end."
"Well that causes great distress, but at least you like my dress, I've figured out the system and it's clever.
And as I'm laughing to the bank, I know exactly who to thank: Cassandra, the greatest pony ever!"