The Elements of Harmony. The very linchpins of Equestrian society, and most sought-after jewels in the world. Some ponies would kill to get their hooves on them, and now it looked like one of them had. Rainbow was in the clank, and I was off the case, so our chat would have to wait. All I could do now was hope that one of her pals had something for me.
Cassandra knocked on Fluttershy's door. From inside she heard the commotion of the many many animals that the pegasus housed. Finally she answered
"Well if it isn't Cassandra, see. I woulda visited you myself but I'm just too shy to knock on your door, and the animals keep me busy all the time. What brings ya to my neck of the woods?"
"I'm not here to beat around the bush, I know you've heard about Applejack and Rainbow Dash."
"Why I saw it just today in the Morning Telegraph. I was so surprised I nearly passed out on the spot! But what's it to ya?"
"Visiting hours are closed, and I need to shake down Rainbow Dash."
"Well talk about a doozy!"
"So dollface, you ready to talk yet?"
"Well I guess I got no choice see, you charmed me into spilling my secrets! Rainbow Dash was carrying a suspicious package into her house yesterday. You should toss her place. I'll keep the coppers from goin' in to buy you some time."
"Much appreciated dollface. A kiss for good luck?"
"Now that's an offer I can't refuse!"
*****
Rainbow Dash prided herself on loyalty, and loyal she was, to a fault. I only hoped I could find something in her house that could prove it. Her house seemed pretty clean, there wasn't anything suspicious I could see, but there was something I could hear.
"We're live at Wonderbolts stadium for another fine day at the races. In this first race is the veteran Soarin' Lighningbolt taking on the newcomer Mach 3 Falcon. And golly gee is this goin' to be a good one..."
It was unbelievable how scatterbrained Dash could be sometimes, forgetting to turn off her radio. Cassandra went into the antechamber and found the high-end woodgrained device. Some very nice craftsmanship indeed. As she flicked the switch into the off position, a panel came loose and fell off. A false panel, Cassandra observed, hastily added on. The concealed surface beneath it read, "Property of the Apple Family."
"Well well well" called a voice from the doorway, "looks like yous finally figgered it out."
"I'm ashamed I didn't sooner, Rainbow Dash. You didn't steal the Elements, but you know who did. All they needed was for you to act as a corroborating witness, but they had no money to buy you. Now I know how they did."
"Dat's a great story" replied Rainbow Dash, beginning a slow clap, "it's too bad ya won't live ta tell!" She pulled out a revolver and aimed right between Cassandra's eyes. Cassandra ducked out of the way just as the gunshot rang out, leaving a hole in the wall where she was a second ago. She retreated into the living room and hid behind a sofa,
"Just lemme die with closure" she called to Dash, "tell me why you did it!"
"Why? Ain't it obvious? I did it for da Wonderbolts! I tried everythin' to get into their club, but nothin' worked! I'm through playin' fair, in return for the Elements, I'm gonna get th' princess to force 'em to take me in."
"But they've already been returned! What leverage do you have?"
Rainbow laughed, "ya mean the ones dey found in th' garden? A cheap set o' slugs! If da princess can pretend like she got 'em back, dat alone's worth some money! We're keepin' da real ones safe just till we run outta favors to ask. My associate's on her way right now ta negotiate for da real elements' return." Finally, she found Cassandra's hiding place. She pressed the gun into Cassandra's muzzle. "Real sorry C, hate ta ruin a pretty face like yours."
"You're not gonna." Cassandra hoisted up the sofa and swung it like a baseball bat, sending Rainbow Dash backwards into a bookshelf.
"Heh" chuckled a dazed Dash, "forgot you could do dat."
"You're not the first pony to make that mistake." Dash reached feebly for the gun, but Cassandra kicked it to the far end of the room.
"Whatever. Plan's too far in motion. Dere's nothin' you can do 'bout it now."
"You forgot about my strength, but I didn't think you'd forget about my speed, toots." chided Cassandra. She took off in a blaze
*****
I flew to Canterlot Castle as fast as my wings could carry me. I had just seconds to stop this dirty deal from going down. So many ponies had gotten roped into this mess, even the royalty. This case was in its twilight stages. Now all I had to do was wait at the drop site and blow the lid off the whole thing.
Cassandra arrived at the statue garden and crouched down behind the Discord statue, his face still pointed at the wall. His ethereal form emerged wearing a pleased-looking grin on his face,
"Well well well, I knew you'd be sorry, but I didn't expect you to actually grovel."
"Can it Discord, I can't have you jabbering on in my head right now"
"Turn me the right way around and I'll consider it."
"Fine, it's a deal."
DIscord was taken aback, he'd actually beaten the great Cassandra in a negotiation. But true to his deal he kept his celebration silent. Cassandra turned her attention to the skies, and presently saw a pegasus carrying a shiny looking box. The pegasus called out,
"Where are ya Princess? I've brought the Elements, see! Don't try anythin' funny, I'm so skittish I might just run off if I get suspicious."
"I'm down here Fluttershy" called Celestia, emerging from behind a bush, "and I am alone. Now end this farce and return what you stole!"
Fluttershy lowered herself to the ground, and as she passed by the Discord Statue, Cassandra grabbed hold of the base and spun it 180-degrees, whacking Fluttershy with the statue's outstretched arm. The box fell out of her grasp, and landed near Celestia, who put a hoof on it securely.
"Cassandra, I can't believe you were right!" exclaimed Celestia, "I'm sorry for not trusting you."
"It's all right, you're far from the first. What did they make you do?"
"At first they just wanted money, so I complied and they returned what I thought were the Elements. After I dismissed you, I received another note claiming they still had the real ones. They were threatening to take me down if I didn't meet their new demands, and who was I to argue? It would be an irrevocable scandal if word got out that four of my appointed Element Bearers were lowdown gem thieves."
"Wait a minute" said Cassandra, "did you say four?"
"Yes, they demanded 25,000 bits each, total of 100,000. The note was very clear. But that isn't important now that the Elements are safe" The Princess unlatched the lid on the Elements box for a cursory glance inside.
"TIA DON'T OPEN THAT!" cried Cassandra. With reflexes like a whip, the heroic PI kicked the box out of Celestia's grasp and sent it hurtling into the air. At the apex of its upward arc, the box exploded with a thunderous BANG and a huge red fireball.
Celestia stood stock still with eyes agape.
"You gonna be ok?" inquired Cassandra. Celestia remained petrified in surprise and didn't respond. "Alright then. I leave Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash in the hooves of your justice system. I have a loose end to tie up."
*****
I'd accounted for thee of the crooks, but it was clear that the forth one didn't want to be found. She was as clever as a fox, and twice as deadly. But if I knew her right, her cleverness would be her undoing. I was at the Ponyville Docks, and it was nearly midnight. An ambient fog rolled in, setting the mood for the final chapter of my story. And all I could do now was wait, and pray that my hunch would pay off.
Cassandra sat on a bench overlooking the sea. She checked her pocketwatch, 11:59 PM. any second... now. Right on cue came the clip-clopping of hooves on the wooden pier. Out of the mist stepped a shadowy pony, carrying the Elements box and looking around nervously.
"Well hello sailor!" called out Cassandra, "nice night for a boat ride, isn't it... pussycat."
Dramatic Music Sting
"You should not have come here." replied Rarity.
"Guess you were irresistible after all." Cassandra approached Rarity and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Get away from me!" snarled Rarity, shoving Cassandra backwards, "I am through with you playing coy!"
"I just got one question. Where're you planning on goin' without a boat ticket?"
"What ever do you mean? I have a ticket to Istanbull..." Rarity rifled around in her purse, but could not find what she was looking for.
"Someday you'll learn not to let your guard down" mocked Cassandra, waving the ticket in front of her.
"Give it back." Rarity ordered.
"Tell me why you did it and I might be open to bartering."
"I am a collector of precious things, darling. I had to settle for stealing the second-most precious gems in the world, because you wouldn't give me the first; your heart."
"You had no intention of returning the Elements, did you? All those ransom demands your friends thought they'd be getting?"
"Were red herrings, that's right. Those three were pawns in my game, and what can I say? Sometimes pawns have to be sacrificed."
"And what happened to Applejack, that was no accident, was it?"
"The night after she tangoed with you, she called me up for a little heart-to-heart, worried that you were getting too close to the truth. She went on and on with her tedious drivel about the Element of Honesty, and that she didn't know how long she could keep up her charàde. I threw a bit into the grain thresher, and she went in after it."
"She was desperate for money."
"Now I think that's quite enough of me expoooosing myself, darling. Why don't I ask you a question now; how did you know I was the master puppeteer?"
"The money, pussycat. You asked for 25,000 bits each, which was just enough to post bail for Rainbow Dash. Somepony had to cough up their share, and who better to do so than the Element of Generosity?"
"Who indeed? Well darling, this has been a pleasurable rendez-vous, but I'm afraid my time has become short... as has yours." Rarity drew her ebony-handled Colt and pointed it at Cassandra,
"Not again" groaned Cassandra. She cartwheeled out of the way and ducked behind a crate. She rounded the corner and found a dozen empty barrels, diving into one.
"I know you're in there Cassandra~" called Rarity, tearing the lid off one barrel, only to find it empty. "You cannot hide forever."
"Put the piece away, pussycat. We both know you're not gonna use it."
"Unlike you, I follow through on my commitments!"
"You gotta trust me. Turn yourself in before you rack up any more charges."
Rarity scoffed. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that one of the barrels was shaking. Ravenously, she pried the lid off,
"I've got you now!!!" she cried, but to her surprise, the barrel was empty. Suddenly, the dock exploded into a mess of ocean water and splinters as Cassandra burst out from right underneath Rarity. The shock knocked her backwards, causing her to lose hold of her gun and drop it into the ocean. Cassandra held her down and pinned her front hooves behind her back
"Kill me now! I can't bear to live without you!" sobbed Rarity.
"Chin up, pussycat. Heartbreak makes everypony do crazy things. I'll make ya a trade. Your ticket for the Elements and a signed confession note. I followed my hunch to come here, but I was too late to stop you. But you were overridden with guilt and decided to make the amends you could." She handed a quill and piece of parchment to Rarity. The cat burglar wiped her eyes and smiled at Cassandra,
"You really are a prize. I can see now that you are a bird too beautiful for me to cage. All right, I will give you what you asked for." She began to write.
"Open the box, if you would."
"There is no bomb in this one, but suppose I deserve the distrust." said Rarity. She undid the latch and opened the lid. Inside were the genuine Elements of Harmony laid neatly in their places. "My confession is finished." She handed the box and the note to Cassandra, who in turn gave her the ticket. A boat's whistle sounded.
"You'll be in my heart forever" promised Rarity as she boarded the ocean liner.
"I know, pussycat, I know."
Some might say I let the cat burglar slip through my fingers, to which I'd respond that I don't have any. Lovesickness, everypony's been there. Ponyville wouldn't be the same without its dressmaker-jeweler, but we'd all get along somehow. I'd considered running away with her, but in the end I knew I had to say. I might not be the hero Ponyville wants, but I am the one they need.