//------------------------------//
// Chapter 37: The Phoenix 
// Story: The Cassandra Chronicles 
// by CassandraMyOCisBestpony 
//------------------------------//

Princess Celestia came to Ponyville for a visit. She had made up some BS about wanting to see the mayor, but in actuality, she just wanted a pretense to hang out with Cassandra. They had a feast at Sugarcube Corner, and all of the ponies were invited.

"Ah don't know which ta eat first!" said a worried Applejack.

"The real question is, why are you even sitting here?" asked Cassandra. "This table is for princesses only." She picked up Applejack by her haunches and threw her out the door.

"Ah never figured out which ta eat fiiiiiiirst!" cried Applejack as she flew off into the distance.

"So Cassandra my long lost sister," said Celestia, "as long as we just so happened to run into each other at this party, let's chat." Her pet bird Philomena interjected with a loud hacking cough.

"Holy you, Celestia! You're a terrible pet owner, you know that?"

"Philomena is quite the exotic bird, isn't she?" asked Celestia with a proud grin.

"The sun may be bright, but you sure aren't. That thing looks like it'll keel over any minute!"

"Oh she'll be fine. We'll just send her to that farm where Mother sent my goldfish when he got sick."

"Tia, you're such an idiot..." began Cassandra , but she cut herself off. Perhaps it was best if her sister didn't know.

"You were saying?"

"Nothing. That was just a general statement."

"Your majesty" interjected a guard, "the mayor requests an immediate audience."

"Cancel it. Hanging out with Cassandra is much more fun."

"No Tia, go to your meeting. I've had as much of you as I can stand for one day."

"Thank you for being accommodating," said Celestia. The other ponies were also deeply moved.

"We should cure that bird," said Fluttershy

"I dunno, I think it might be for the best if we let nature take its course. Look it's practically mouthing 'kill me.' I would be too if I had to spend 24 hours a day around Celestia."

"That's certainly a compelling argument, but I think I'll.... ignore your advice." She took Philomena and ran off.

Four hours later, Fluttershy came running to Cassandra for help. "I don't know what to do. I've tried everything, even oreagano, but nothing works."

"Wait, oreagano?"

"Because I heard somepony say that time heals all wounds, but I didn't have-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it. Well you did the right thing coming to me. We should return the bird to Celestia." So they did, but just as they were about to hand her over, Philomena burst into flames.

"Oh my!" exclaimed Celestia.

"Ah, so she's a phoenix" said Cassandra, "that would explain it. Did you not think that might've been pertinent earlier, Dullestia?"

"I didn't know she was a phoenix. I thought she was a convicted arsonist, and that's why she was in a cage."

"Well, I suppose that makes sense. You know even less about animals than..."

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

"Pound and Pumpkin Cake."

"Well, it's been nice seeing you," said Celestia, "I'll be sure to come back soon for another visit."

"Will you please go away already?" Celestia was lucky to have Cassandra as a friend.

Applejack never figured out which thing to eat first, and she starved to death.