//------------------------------// // Chapter 56: The Ghosts // Story: The Cassandra Chronicles // by CassandraMyOCisBestpony //------------------------------// A long time ago in the land of Equestria, there lived a pony named Victorian Era Starlight who hated Hearth’s Warming Eve. She hated it because it was one less day she could spend turning lead into gold, and because her assistant was lazy, incompetent, and gave her backsass. After much consideration over what she could do to improve her situation, she decided that eliminating Hearth's Warming was the most expedient solution. She started brewing a potion that would destroy the holiday forever. “Well howdy there. Ah’m th’ ghost of Usin’ a Swivel Chair as a Stepstool,” said an apple-adorned ghost pony “Excuse me?” asked Starlight bewilderedly. “Ah used to be a livin’ breathin’ workin’ mare just like you. Then one day, ah needed ta get something’ offa a high shelf, and mah swivel chair was right here, and mah safe sturdy apple crate was over there. Ah thought, ah dun really feel like goin’ all the way over yonder, ah’ll be upn’down fastren’a pogostick on a-” “Ok, I’m sorry to interrupt what you clearly think is a fascinating non-waste of time, but I’ve really got to get back to ending Hearth’s Warming Eve.” “What’s that ya say? Hearth’s Warmin…?” she started flipping through the pieces of paper on her clipboard, “Oh, turribly sorry. Ah hafta work two jobs ‘cause even in th’ afterlife ah’m turrible with money. Ah am also the Ghost of Hearth’s Warmin’ Past. Ya see, ponies’re like apples...” “No.” “...because when yer small, ya plant seeds, and when ya get big, they turn inta trees which grow apples.” “Not all trees grow apples.” “Did ah mention that mah great great great granddaughter has an apple farm called Sweet Apple Acres, with th’ best apples in all o’ Equestria?” “Are...are you trying to sell me apples in a dream?” “Why not, yer rich, an’ it worked in that there movie Incestion.” “I think you mean Inception, why did you… wait actually, I don’t want to know why you made that Freudian slip.” “If ya wanna be difficult this is gonna take longer,” tutted Applejack “Fine, fine, let’s just go back to the past and convince my past self not to be such a bitch” “Language!” scolded Applejack, “also, no, ah can’t do that, ah kin only make ya feel bad about yer past mistakes.” So they went back to when Starlight was a foal and she was nice until she wasn’t. “Seems like you could’ve done something about my teacher before he started influencing students to be unfun.” commented Starlight “Ah was new to th’ job.” “Ok, well at any rate I’ve successfully learned that my teacher is the reason for me being evil, so I’m absolved of any bad decisions I make.” “M’eh close enough, ah still get paid.” And she disappeared into the mist. Starlight sighed, “glad that’s over with. But annoying things usually happen in threes, so…” A pink hyperactive pony broke into song. Take a look at all the sets, around you, all the colors and the shapes, surround you. Open up your purse, it will astound you, what you can buy this Hearth’s Warming eve. Presents aren’t necessary, is a lesson you might hear, We of course must teach that lesson, then again it’s a special time of year The present’s always filled with presents, like that movie Inception We denounce materialism, but, our own toys are an exception. What a party there’s so much to see here, like the presents underneath, the tree here, you’d have gotten one I guarantee here, that’s the magic of Hearth’s Warming Eve. Cider’s flowing, AJ’s not living, one more lesson should be enough It’s not about receiving, but giving, either way somepony bought our stuff. Ignore this giant stack of presents, we mean it figuratively. But if you’re going gift shopping, then buy a present for me. The present’s always filled with presents, take a look around, The reason for this holiday is quite easily found. Yes the reason for this holiday is quite easily found. And the reason is to sell lots of toys. “Well? Did my song make you feel cheerful?” “It made me feel unclean, but somehow it seemed necessary for my continued existence.” “Then my work here is done.” “Wait, aren’t you supposed to spook me by growing old and dying?” “Already dead, what kind of sense would that make?” “Huh, not much I guess.” As Pinkie faded into the mist, out came another ghost. “Hall and Oats, it’s Nightmare Moon!” “That is correct child. Now gaze upon the future that will be created if you go through with this!" She pointed at the snowbound barren wasteland. “Oh, why does this keep happening to me in the future!!!” sobbed Starlight, “spirit, please forgive me!!!” “Nay, there ist no going back!!! Ye shall be trapt here forever, in mine Inception-esque dream maze with no Ariadneigh to guide you out!!!!”” “I don’t think so!” burst out a new voice. From the blistering snow, out came the beautiful and magnificent Cassandra, looking powerful in beige jumpsuit, with her strong arms clutching a the hose of a big vacuum slung over her back. She pressed the on-switch and the machine activated, sucking Nightmare Moon inside before she could utter a cry. “Some ghosts mustn’t remain in this world,” she explained. “Cassandra, even in fiction, you come to my rescue!” gushed Starlight “Yeah, this part was based on an experience the author of the book had, where I saved his life. They tried to replace me with a colt, but the audience totally lost their s**t. Now, you've seriously miscalculated how much damage you're going to cause. In terms of resilience, Ponies rank somewhere above glass panes and somewhere below Whoville. For their sake, do you promise to never take away their beloved holiday again?” “I promise!” she sobbed “Oh Cassandra, please forgive me!” “I think I can, with a little practice kissing. Gifts don’t have to come with a price tag.” Starlight truly had learned a Hearth’s Warming Eve lesson.