• Member Since 18th Jan, 2017

All Art Is Quite Useless

When I'm not writing stories, I'm writing essays. My keyboard sees fairly frequent use. University student, high functioning Rainbow Dash enthusiast, and satirical activist.

Read It Later 50 stories
Found 47 stories in 72ms

Total Words: 2,855,421
Estimated Reading: 1 week


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It was a surprise that Dash offered a kiss as a prize at the charity auction. It was a surprise that the colts were as "enthusiastic" as they were. It was a surprise that Dash didn't leap on the colts and beat them for their comments.

But, the biggest surprise of all was which one of her friends bid on her kiss... and why.

Chapters (2)

It's Sisterhooves Social time again. This year, Dash catches wind of two new competitors and gets Spike to bet on the race. When her team is revealed to be a rather famous set of siblings, it looks like poor Spike will be her slave for a week! However, due to a team of masseurs, a minor invasion, unfortunate addictions, and dubious barrel components, victory might not be as near as she thinks...

Chapters (2)

I'm a pegasus and I can't fly.

It wasn't always like this. When I was younger, it only mattered as much as I let it. Now it's like the whole world is out to get me.

I'll just have to try harder. I just have to try... and try again.

An experimental entry in the Fall 2017 CuddleFic Contest.
Pre-read by B_25.
Edited by The Abyss and Dreams of Ponies.
Cover art by viwrastupr on Deviantart.
Featured: 11/19/17 - 11/20/17.

Chapters (1)

In a dark place named Tartarus, a subterranean hellscape between worlds, humans and ponies are paired together at random to survive a gauntlet of horrible monstrocities while the future of their realms hang in the balance.

Now, are you buying that? Good. Cuz I'm friggin' tired of having to explain it all on top of dragging this annoying-ass unicorn around the effing corridors of purgatory along with me. You'd think the damn, burning yahoos who run this place would give us rest stops to drown ourselves in beer or something. Friggin' A.

Oh, and some ponies and humans spill blood together and stuff. I dunno. Stop playing BattleDuty: Future Football and read this, or whatever. Like I give a crap...

Chapters (10)

Flash Sentry was asked at the last second to house sit for the Apple family. While doing so, he happens to stumble upon a piece of Applejack's property he knows he shouldn't be looking at.

Proofreaders, Pre-readers, and editors: B_25, Bellyrubz, Not Enough Coffee, and MissytheAngle

Non-mature feature: 11/4/17
Popular Box: 11/4/17, 11/5/17

Chapters (1)

When Fluttershy went to bed, she was a normal mare. When she woke up, she could see numbers floating over everypony's heads. They were timers, each one counting down to some unknown event. Most ponies had timers that wouldn't end for years, some for many decades. But everypony had different numbers.

So why does Rainbow Dash's timer end in three hours?

Editing provided by TheMaskedFerret and SolidFire.
Cover art by HopefulSparks!
Spanish translation by SPANIARD KIWI!

Chapters (1)

Twilight lives her life as The Princess Of Friendship, and whole heartily submits to her duties. Though she is grateful for all that she has, she still feels that something is missing. While Cadence plays match-maker for Twilight, Princess Celestia gives the young alicorn a special friendship task of her own. Twilight must find her passions and pursuit her dreams once more, and with the help of two strangers, what could possibly go wrong?

::Sex Tag For Suggested Content::

Edited Chapter(s) 1--5 by JadeCrossroads
Proofread Chapter(s) 6 Gapeagle

Chapters (10)

(Trigger Warning) This fiction contains parody (if only) of modern social problems (woops, "problems" is not PC enough...so....uh..."dilemmas?").

(Trigger Warning) This fiction does not contain a lesbian, pansexual, asexual, bi-sexual, trans, or sexualsexual Main Six (We apologize in advance for having reasonable headcanons).

(Trigger Warning) For Go...(can't say the word "God" so uhhh) For Celesti....She's off too!? Bloody Hell (I don't give a shi-)! Get on with it!!! Read the freakin' story!

Twilight and her friends have been summoned by the Cutie Map to a strange community where everypony seems to be offended by even the wind going through their manes. Can our heroes understand the reasoning behind this madness? Can anypony for that matter? Does the author have enough privilege points to write this type of fiction? Tune in next time on Dragon Bal- Oh...lost my place for a second.

Go ahead and prepare to be offended by this parody!

Chapters (46)

Octavia Philharmonica is a desperate mare. Her involvement in the ill-fated "pony pokey" at the prestigious Grand Galloping Gala has left her blacklisted among the elite of Canterlot who form her clientele. Faced with the possibility of being evicted from her apartment for inability to pay rent she decides to take a temporary job at a local nightclub. Of course, she's never set hoof in a club before and has no idea what she's getting involved in . . .

Chapters (20)