Applejack bucked a tree with a grunt. The red apples soon fell into the baskets that were around the trunk of the apple tree. For some reason unknown, none of the apples missed the small round baskets. Freakin' magic I guess. Applejack then leaned on the tree with satisfaction and wiped some sweat off her brow.
"Just a few left! Woo, today's been a good day!" she said with pride.
She picked up one of the baskets in her mouth. With a humming tune, she walked over to a wagon where the rest of today's harvest was located. She dumped the apples in the wagon and placed the basket down. She was just about to repeat with the next apple basket, but the light sounds of hoofsteps made her pause.
Apple Bloom came galloping towards her. Despite her hurry, the little one did not appear in an emergency. The filly soon slid to a stop right before her big sister. Not a long pause passed before Apple Bloom spoke up.
"Applejack, what's a whore?" she asked innocently.
"A...A what?" Applejack blinked in shock.
"A whore!" she repeated.
"Now where did ya hear that?" the big sister asked in a whisper.
"Twilight was all mad because someone called Rarity that," Apple Bloom explained.
A stupid smile crept on Applejack's face. "Hehe, that's funny." She then remembered her little sister. "Uhh...You go ask Big Mac about it. He uhhh, knows whores better than I d-oh horseapples! I mean, jus' go ask your brother."
"Um, OK?" Apple Bloom raised a brow in Apple fashion.
"Get along," Applejack ordered.
As the little run ran towards their home, Applejack sighed in relief. She felt like she had dodged a bullet. Apple Bloom often had questions like that and Applejack was used to brushing them off to Big Mac. Hope he knows what to tell her.
She returned to her work after the odd interruption. In little time, she had brought all the apples to the wagon and was prepared to head towards the barn. As she dumped the last apples in and was about to hitch herself to the wagon, another sound of hoofsteps made her pause.
Starlight Glimmer was walking up the hill towards her, bearing a deep frown. Applejack rolled her eyes and waited for the pink unicorn to walk over. Starlight reached her without saying any words.
"Uhh, goo' afternoon?" Applejack asked with a cocked brow.
"Oh, don't greet me with that false hospitality!" Starlight snapped.
Applejack rolled her eyes at the expected answer. "What ya want, Starlight?"
"You know what I want!" she said boldly.
"Yeah?" Applejack leaned in expectantly.
"You are holding unpaid employees on this farm!" she said.
Applejack blinked. "Unpaid employees? We ain't got employees on this farm, unless ya countin' the Apple family."
"How dare you!" Starlight barked. "You don't even count them as employees! You truly are a speciest."
"You just made up that word," Applejack was bemused.
"Did not!"
Applejack sighed. "Alright, who are ya referring to?"
"The cows of course!"
Applejack hung her mouth open. "The cows?"
"Yes, the cows!"
Applejack sat on her haunches and looked at the unicorn with utter confusion. "What about the cows?"
"You are holding them as prisoners! You work them like slaves! You treat them like inferior farm animals you anti-cow bigot!" Starlight fumed.
"I don't hold them as prisoners. They can go about wherever they like. They went to the Southern Pastures over there last week." She pointed at a field in the distance.
"They work for you and you never pay them!"
"They don't work for me. I don't need to pay them. Big Mac tills the fields himself and I turn the wheat grinder. I don't need any hulkin' cattle to do that!"
"See? The word 'cattle' is offensive as you put them all into a group of property!"
"Starlight, the cows are fine. Ya can go ask them yaself. If they do complain about how I treat them, well then maybe I'll do something. Ya just complaining here and gettin' nowhere."
"Cows don't belong on the farm! They belong out there!" Starlight pointed at Ponyville and Equestria. "Ponies like you just shut them away and keep them uneducated!"
"Not my fault, they never asked to be taught," Applejack shrugged.
"That's speciest!"
"Starlight, I ain't budgin'. The cows are fine on my farm. So are the pigs and the chickens."
"Pigs and chickens are animals, you idiot! I'm not talking about them! I'm talking about the cows!"
"Well, whatever. Those cows go about out there and they's jus' fine."
"Of course you'd be this way, you racist farmer!" Starlight spat. "Fine! I'm the better pony here, so I won't get all over you just let. So I'll leave you for now. Hope you have fun drinking moonshine, brushing your one tooth, and banging your cousin!" She finished by imitating Applejack's accent.
With that, Starlight huffed and walked away. Then she paused and walked back up to Applejack. The both of them stared at each other without blinking. Starlight's hoof slowly reached for an apple in the wagon.
"Don't ya touch my apples," Applejack growled without looking away.
Starlight kept her eyes on Applejack as she took an apple and slowly brought it to her mouth. She dramatically opened her mouth and took a mocking bite. She thought she was being clever, but she was about to find out why one never touches Applejack's apples. Applejack's left hoof swung out and nailed Starlight right on the kisser.
And Starlight knew no more.
Now you see-- Ow! --the violence-- Ow! --inherant in the-- Ow! --system! Apples-- Ow! --deserve to be-- Ow! --free!
6852281 Twilight: "Starlight, eat this apple."
Starlight: "Why?"
Twilight: "Because it'll make you look even more like an asshole."
Yes Starlight, those are unionist tweeting birds circling your head.
My profile image has never been more relevant.
Ironic
6852368 It's time for the birds to unite! They will no longer sing for Fluttershy unless they get bonuses!!
6852381 It's the best face that has come from the show.
6852438 I'm trying to make it a parody, but these things are just too accurate. I can't make it any more absurd! I have failed.
I assume that the cows provide milk for the farm and town and Applejack and her family provide the cows with a roof to stay, pasture where they can graze, and protection from other dangerous species (or from themselves).
Then again that's just my idea of how things work.
That was a mistake on Starlight's part. Should have taken the apple and ran.
6852646 Well that implies that cows NEED pony protection, which is speciest.
I also think they use the milk, but are the cows paid for the milk? Are they kept in pins for milk? It's so horrid!
Just wait for the animal abuse chapter.
6852752 Applejack can probably outrun her.
So how much longer until Starlight Glimmer has taken enough blows to the head that she goes sane?
6852872 Who knows. She's actually only taken one hit as Twilight has only levitated her.
Wonder who's gonna smack her next (and where).
6852879
I would vote Big Mac for teaching Applebloom that word. Then Rainbow Dash for insulting one of her friends and also teaching Scootaloo the same word as Applebloom.
6852887 Don't worry, I got plans for Rainbow (hehe).
6852905
Oh, how I so love this.
6855053 I hope you'll love it more later!
Alondro slowly lifts up a cow and takes a bite out of it, chewing slowly while nodding in your direction.
IT... IS... ON!!!
7034627 Let's get ready to rumble!!! Now i want a clean, fair fight.
7034627 (proceeds to take a second cow and take a bite out of it) sadly the cow's name was angus
7852695 NOM NOM NOM Wait we are doing because there is a pro-cow nearby i just wanted steak
I am deeply offended by the fact that this story has not managed to offend me yet. Your insufficient levels of offensiveness have triggered me. I demand that you resign your authorship of this story.
Nah, never mind. It's so damn good that I'm willing to let it slide.