I'm Offensive and I Take Offense

by Gapeagle

The PC Police (Part 2)

"You arrested Rarity?" Spike asked Starlight as she passed by. "And looking like that? Horseapples, I missed something good."

"You are not upset that I incarcerated your friend?" Starlight raised a brow.

"Well, I can't be mad to somepony who brings Rares over here," he purred. "I think I'll uh, go visit her."

"Knock yourself out..."

---

"Starlight! Starlight!"

Starlight stopped in her tracks. Trixie began to gallop up to her in some frantic manner. Without giving any consent, the light blue unicorn began to violently shake the fake policemare. Starlight, who was wearing aviator sunglasses to "enhance" her look, soon lost them with the slight accidental abuse.

"Trixie! What are you doing?" Starlight hissed once she shoved Trixie's hooves off. "I'm trying to save Equestria here!"

"Well that's it," Trixie explained. "Pinkie told me about something dreadful! Truly dreadful!"

"Alright?" Starlight blinked. "Spit it out."

"Pinkie told me that she heard that somepony clipped a pegasus mare's wings!" Trixie said loudly.

"That's heinous! Who did it!??!?" Starlight took hold of Trixie by her cape's collar.

"Um.....uh..." Trixie looked away guiltily. "You'll have to ask Pinkie...."

"Oh! You're so useless you damn hornhead!" Starlight growled.

"That's no way to speak to a friend," Trixie glowered.

Starlight took a step back in fright. "Um, yeah? Alright then. I'll go speak with Pinkie. You are I can scheme about overthrowing Twilight later tonight? Maybe some Hooflix and chill? Or chillax as Rainbow says?" she asked casually.

Trixie shrugged and smiled. "Seems fine to me."

---

"Oh hey Starlight!" Pinkie waved at the unicorn and paused upon seeing her outfit. "Wow! Ya having one of those parties? Hehe! I have a cake just for you and Sunbursty."

Starlight dismissed her with a wave. "No, Pinkie. It's not like that. I'm on a mission."

Pinkie leaned on the counter of the pastry shop, looking understanding. "Oh, it's one of those missions...my lips are sealed."

"That's the thing, Trixie told me you heard of a crime."

"Oh yeah! I heard Fluttershy talk to Treehugger that some pony clipped a pegasus. She heard it from another pony who heard it from another pony who heard it from another who heard it from another who heard-" her hooves began to multiply, filling the whole shop.

"Alright! I get it!" Starlight rolled her eyes. "Where did the story start?"

Pinkie beamed. "From anonymous."

"What?!"

"That was what I heard. The pegasus who was the victim didn't even give a name or a face. We just heard that it happened. I think...Gossip is more of Rarity's thing."

"Well, she's occupied at the moment..." Starlight said with gritted teeth.

"Then ya should go see Fluttershy."

"You know what? I'll pass. Last thing I want when trying to save Equestria is be on a wild rat chase for some unknown pegasus. Oops, sorry if that sounded a bit racist. I can't hold my tongue sometimes."

"It happens," Pinkie happily shrugged.

Starlight sighed and walked out of Sugarcube Corner disappointed. She had all the tools and all the intelligence, but being an officer of "peace" was much harder than she thought. It seemed that one didn't just beat the stuffing out of any non-unicorn they came across. It seemed that policemares actually had to do something.

Hours after leaving Pinkie to make pastries and useless wandering of Ponyville looking for hate crimes, Starlight the Slutty Cop plopped her flank on a mushroom seat of a nearby outdoor restaurant. Stallions still stared at her, but their drooling seemed to have lessened as everypony in Ponyville had already adjusted to her wardrobe selection.

She rested her pink cheek on a hoof as she looked around in boredom. The world was in chaos! The world was under Celestia, the great evil Celestia who is literally Sombra. There had to be hate crimes happening everywhere, right? Well, if that was the case, how was it that all she could find was one unicorn supremacist whore?

"Oh, I'll never get justice for minorities..." she sighed. "How are unicorns restraining their racism and overt oppression?"

Then she saw Trixie across the street. That was when she thought of an idea. A horrid, evil idea. Yes, a very bad idea. A cruel idea. A menacing idea. An idea that was the opposite of good.

Starlight's eyes brightened. "If I can't find a hate crime....I'LL MAKE A HATE CRIME!" her hooves rubbed together, eyes twitched madly, and a wicked grin stretched across her entire, yes entire, face.

Oh, she had some ideas.

=/=

Author's Note:

"What? I didn't see anything....nothing at all."

Comments

[badninja]

Please, please let Starlight get turned into a statue for this stunt. These type of people are some of the worst of the worst.

[Hazey Logic]

Thus begins PC Starlight's Lesson Zero. Also I totally heard that last dialogue line being read in Grinch voice in my head.

[Applejack224]

SJWs in a nutshell

[Gapeagle]

7761950 i.ytimg.com/vi/4A87hTGS1gA/maxresdefault.jpg

[Alondro]

Manufactured hate crimes employ people!

Only buy hate crimes labelled 'Made in the USA', cuz the ones from China support the sinister International Chinese Communist Conspiracy!

Ah, the good old days when you could offend everyone.