I'm Offensive and I Take Offense

by Gapeagle

The Wondershits

"Twilight! TWIILLLLIIIGHHHTTT!"

Twilight was peacefully enjoying the rays of the sun on a blissful afternoon. It was the first time in a long time that the sun was so radiant in the sky. It gave happiness to some ponies, and misery to others, mainly those who easily burned in the sun. Twilight was one of those ponies, but she knew how to apply generous amounts of sunscreen. So as she rested on her lawn chair in front of her glistening castle, she smiled calmly at the sky.

"TWIILLLIIGHTTT!!!"

"What now?" she muttered disappointingly.

Rainbow flashed to a stop with a rainbow streak behind her. Her face was full of tears and terror, both of which meant nothing to her princess friend. With the quickness she was known for, Rainbow Dash scooted right up to the resting alicorn and pressed her face in with two cyan hooves.

"The Wonderbolts are terrible! They...they mentally abused me!" she cried.

"Really?" Twilight frowned. "How?"

"They called me 'Rainbow Crash!' That was a nickname I got in flight camp. It...it haunted me and now they use it again!" she panicked.

"That doesn't seem too bad."

"What? That's horrible!" a shrill voice uttered.

Starlight marched down from the castle's steps. Her usual deep frown was there and she pointed at Rainbow with an outstretched hoof.

"Rainbow clearly has PTSD!" she said.

"Not the PTSD again!" Twilight buried her face in her wings. "Rainbow, you don't have PTSD from some school pegasi teasing you."

"How do you know?!" Rainbow grunted. "It really hurt me!"

"Are you Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.

"No..."

"Exactly. So what if they insulted you? You probably deserved it."

"Well...yeah...I went straight into a trash can..."

"You insensitive shithole!" Starlight pressed a hoof into Twilight's relaxing shoulder. "You've never experienced taunting or anything like that. You have so much unicorn AND alicorn privilege that you've never experienced hardship! Rainbow suffered. It's clear. You should be more sensitive."

"You're defending Rainbow?" Twilight raised a brow. "I thought you hated her."

"Yes, but I hate you more."

"Thanks..." Rainbow glared at the pink unicorn.

"STICK 'EM UP, PRINCESS! THIS IS A KIDNAPPING!"

All three turned to see a group of burly stallions with multi-flavored pies in their hooves. Rainbow raised her hooves to fight, Starlight jumped behind the lawn chair in fright. Twilight calmly took a sip from her cold smoothie and addressed the armed criminals.

"Sorry, but this is a pie-free zone," she said and pointed at a small sign that said "NO PIES ALLOWED."

"Aw, this blows!" a stallion muttered. "We were so ready too."

"C'mon, let's go..." another whimpered.

"Damn signs, ruining our fun..."

The stallions soon left the area in peace. Rainbow blinked in confusion and Starlight cautiously poked her head above the chair. Twilight continued to take some sips and finished with a refreshing "ah."

"Twilight," Rainbow began. "How am I gonna be with a bunch of losers who aren't sensitive?"

"Easy. I've never been on a sports team or anything, but Applejack has. You can go ask her. She told me that name-calling and insults, and general meanness is simply being part of a team. She was called 'Applebutt' or something like that. I mean, ponies thought she never thought about anything but apples. From what I've studied, being a bunch of gentle butterflies to each other won't make relationships stronger. The strongest relationships come from when two ponies try to achieve a goal and have to work hard to get there. Applejack took scouting with Coloratura. They also were tough on her. All that meanness and stuff did her wonders, not she's the toughest pony I know. Heck, she's tougher than my brother."

"Twilight!" Starlight huffed. "You're basically telling Rainbow to 'get over it' like so many insensitive jerks do. Rainbow suffered. You must understand that. This psychological abuse is not healthy for anypony. It could lead to depression or triggered memories. Ponies should never be mean to each other. Not ever. Having professional institutions that do such horrid things to their recruits is only the promotion of bullying and intolerance."

"Well, I'm not going to stop the Wonderbolts from what they do," Twilight shrugged. "Rainbow, make friends with them. That's always the best option, no? Also, tell them that 'Friendship is Magic' and endorse me as sole princess of Equestria, will you? I'll need it."

"Um...ok?" Rainbow uttered before soaring into the sky.

"Hmph! She's going to be so depressed if this continues..." Starlight rolled her eyes. "And all the blame will be on you. Some friend you are, princess. I hope you enjoy it when Rainbow cries herself to sleep."

"I sure will..." Twilight rolled her eyes when Starlight walked off towards town.

"Sole princess, eh?"

Twilight's ears picked up at the sound. She looked over her shoulder to see a massive white alicorn. "Celestia? You're back?"

"Yes, Twilight. I see that you've been busy in my absence," was the stern reply in the still motherly tone.

Twilight perked up. "Why yes! I've success-"

"Twilight, Equestria is being ruled by a mob of equal ponies. There's nothing 'successful' here."

"My sign worked!" Twilight squeaked and pointed at the sign next to her.

"Twilight, I know you've been giving up pony liberties to remain relevant in the Favorite Princess rankings. I've watched some of your interviews. You're becoming the slime you're trying to stop."

"But...but..."

"Twilight, it's time to teach you a lesson in politics."

"Wait! Please! No!"

=

Comments

[EpicShadowz]

7208260 i'm going to politely disagree with you here and just end the discussion. This is too big a discussion to talk about over pony fanfiction.

[badninja]

Now Celestia is going to make Twilight put on her big filly pants! Plus I am surprised the no pie zone thing actually worked. It would have been funny if Starlight had made the complaint and they pied her. So the real question is how hard this lesson will be on poor Twilight?

Twilight, I know you've been giving up pony liberties to remain relevant in the Favorite Princess rankings. I've watched some of your interviews. You're becoming the slime you're trying to stop."

I think the bolded letter of is missing.

[zalla661]

Way to go Celestia for the win!

[Gapeagle]

7209271 There was once a time where "feeling" and "thinking" were not considered the same thing. There was once a time where "thoughts" and "science" were not considered the same thing.

If you are not born a woman, then you are a man. This is fact. This is science and biology. If you are not woman, then you are man. If you are not man, you are woman. These are undeniable facts. To say otherwise is simply denying reality.

Now, let's keep this train of thought. Let's say this: You are born a man, penis and all. You are born with everything that comes with being a male human. There is no evidence of you being a woman.

However, you have every inclination that you are born in the wrong body. Your identity is woman. There is no scientific evidence of this as you have everything that a male has and not what females have.

You are not a woman, but you become a woman through your state of mind. You are now a full transgender. The science and facts still say you are a man as you have a penis still, but you believe you are a woman. This is feeling. Knowing that you are a woman is not fact in science. It is the belief that you are a woman. You cannot prove that you are indeed a woman unless you make the argument that you know you're a woman. Becoming feminine doesn't make you a woman, it just makes you feminine. It's the same for women. If you are a masculine woman, that does not make you a man. A tomboy is not a transgender until they BELIEVE themselves to be in the wrong body.

You cannot logically say "I AM a woman" without taking liberties. You are what you think. So yes, you if you THINK you're a woman, then by the phrase, you ARE a woman. However, thinking is not fact, it's the viewpoints you come up with in your head through experiences. People THINK there is a God and strongly believe in it, but does that make it absolutely true? Of course not. As a Christian, even I say that. It's the same here. There is no proof of you being the opposite sex, but you say that you are. Your voice does not make fact.

So yes, it IS feeling. The only way you can say otherwise is that it is a forced expression due to some mental complexity or even a mental disease. EVEN then, if all the hormones and stuff are high on the feminine side, it does not make you a woman, it makes you feminine. The line between being a transgender and being a very feminine guy is a choice. No one is forcing you to change sexes or gender, you are.

Now, I've said nothing about it being "good" or "bad." I've only said this to show why I believe it is on feeling. It's not a misconception. There is no higher knowledge in any of this. The bathroom wars are STILL pointless. The sexual misdemeanors are nothing since bathrooms of either sex are not protected by "bathroom officers." They will happen no matter what the transgender bathroom laws are. The only thing at risk here for the transgenders is how much awkwardness they must go through. It's not worthy of getting people to attack North Carolina and even the US government going against the Bill of Rights and Constitution to bully them.

[TyrakatheDragonFan]

Makes good points: I mean, how are you suppose to become stronger and tougher if you're being babied by society? That's how military ranks work (calling the Wonderbolts military is a laughing joke, but the comparison works for this situation).

[Tennis Match Fan]

She was called 'Applebutt' or something like that.

I audibly snickered.

[Gapeagle]

7268128 Yes, this is very true, people lack spines these days. Universities, companies, businesses, they all try to please everyone which means they can't "offend" people when they are being irrational.