Defensive Offense
Starlight was levitating a wooden bat as she stomped through the Ponyville streets. Also floating around her head was a mangled piece of the "Ponyville Confidential" newspaper. She was fuming in every sense of the word. Her rage-filled eyes glared at every single pony she passed, making them squeak or hide. Her heavy breathing actually echoed off the buildings.
"WHO WROTE THE WORD 'RETARDED' IN THIS DAMN NEWSPAPER!?" she shouted with an anger that even Tirek would be afraid of.
One brave (or foolish) mare pointed down the street. She shivered and hid her face as she spoke up. "That's the newspaper the school writes."
"THOSE DAMN SCHOOL PONIES!!"
Starlight quickened her pace towards the school. It was recess time and the young fillies and colts were out playing. It seemed like the dramatic organ was playing as the children soon realized who was storming towards them.
"YOU JERKS! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT 'RETARDED' IS INSENSITIVE TO THE DIFFERENTLY-ABLED!? I'M SURE YOU DO, YOU INSENSITIVE JERKS!"
The school ponies froze as the furious unicorn reached them. They felt the hotness that emitted from Starlight's intense wrath. They shook in fear as she loomed over them with her hateful glare.
"WHO IS THE EDITOR?! WHO IS FEATHERWEIGHT!?" she roared.
All the ponies saved themselves and pointed at a single tiny pegasus colt. Starlight did not even smile at finding who she was looking for. Featherweight was soon lifted into the air by Starlight's magic.
"SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS SUCH A LITTLE PIECE OF FILTH!" she stormed. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LET SUCH AN AWFUL AND OFFENSIVE WORD GET BY!"
"I'm sorry, Miss Glimmer! I'm sorry!" Featherweight cried.
"NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU AWFUL PONY! YOU PURPOSELY LEFT IT IN THERE TO HURT OTHER PONIES!"
"I'm sorry! It's just about a turtle Fluttershy saved! I didn't mean anything!" he continued to wail.
"'JUST?' 'JUST?' JUST, MY HORN! YOU ARE SO IGNORANT! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL BEING DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED IS?! OF COURSE YOU DON'T! YOU PRIDE YOURSELF IN BEING SO STUPIDLY SPECIAL! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF PONIES CALLED YOU 'PIPSQUEAK,' TINY!!"
One little earth colt with a brown spot jumped up. "Hey!"
Featherweight waved his hooves about. "I'll never do it again, Miss Glimmer! I promise!"
"SAY THAT TO THE MOON, ASSHOLE!"
She placed the bat in her hooves and magically threw him up like a baseball. The unicorn took a stance and readied the bat. Her eyes watched him with matchless fury.
"BATTER UP, KIDDO!!"
Yes, the next moment is just what you're thinking. As he came down, Starlight smacked him with the bat, sending him flying away. He probably reached Cloudsdale, but no reports specified his location. Without another glance at the unfortunate colt, Starlight looked about for the next "offender."
"I KNOW SOME JERK ALSO WROTE THE ARTICLE! WHO IS SILVER SPOON?!"
"Starlight! What are you doing?!" Twilight came running at her along with two Royal Guards.
"WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, PRINCESS!"
"Did you just hit that poor colt to the next century?" Twilight was reasonably appalled.
Starlight shrugged as her anger slightly subsided. "What's wrong with it?"
"We should arrest you for assault!"
"Assault?" Starlight raised a brow. "This is self-defense."
"What!?" the guards and Twilight exclaimed.
"I have every right to be offended. That colt offended me, so this is me protecting myself from his attacks. He started it and I only reacted. It's simple really."
"What kind of thinking is that?" Twilight deadpanned.
"The right kind."
Twilight looked at the guards. "Arrest her."
Starlight was soon tackled by the Royal Guards and cuffed. The school ponies cheered the officers on while Twilight covered her face in her hoof. The pink unicorn started to resist like usual.
"You can't arrest me! Ow! This is police brutality! I'm innocent! OW! I did nothing wrong! I'm the victim here, not that punk colt! Ow! Help! Help! This is governmental oppression!"
The Royal Guards dragged her away while she continued to scream. The school ponies cheered them on. Well, all except one.
(Now for the punchline.)
Scootaloo blinked. "Well, at least she didn't read the article on Lyra and Bon Bon..."
(You may now commence your booing)
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This is offensive to anyone that has even had the common decently to cease living in the middle ages. I enjoy their tears greatly! More good sir!
6863181 Haha! Will do.
Wow she actually oppressed a "Pegasus" after all of her hot air she let loose one racist thing! So can she get charged with a hate crime for hurting poor Feathweight? It makes me wonder what was said about Lyra and Bon Bon. So what will happen next to poor Starlight, horn removal or having her magic blocked?
6863273 Aha! So ya do see the new chapter.
When ya so triggered, you don't care who is the culprit.
I think Starlight's punishment is being in more chapters. That's always fitting, right?
6863322
Then I cannot wait for the moment she realizes what she did and the look of horror on her face will be epic! Yes she has taken all she can in this town but harming a foal is a huge no no in any culture.
Thanks to this story I had to write something otherwise the thought would keep me from my other story!
Here it is.
This was because of you!
6873873 Nice! Starlight is best PC principal. There should be a PC Starlight group.
What a retard...
*Alondro goes to gather a pile of faggots to burn, as he stands around the blazing bonfire, everypony stares at him in horror* What?
*ponies point accusingly!* You didn't get a permit to burn those bundles of sticks!
7039963 ( reads your post) ...
(reads post a second time) ...
( reads post a third time just to be sure) ... Eeyup, you should've got a permit first, could've sold you one