Rainbow Dash and Applejack were bucking the apple trees on Sweet Apple Acres. The hot day was perfect for the harvesting of the apples. It was certainly working up a sweat on both mares. As they bucked the last apples, they wiped the sweat from their brows and leaned on an apple cart beside each other.
"Woah, that's some work, ya know?" Applejack chuckled.
"Ya know it!" Rainbow said as she inspected their work.
"I think we uhh...need a break," Applejack said with slight nervousness.
"I could certianly use something cold. How 'bout a milshake at Sugar Cube Corner?" Rainbow suggested.
"Well, maybe...I was thinkin' of some place a little more uhhh..."
Rainbow raised her brow at Applejack's odd behavior. "A little place more what?"
"Private."
Rainbow shrugged. "I'm sure Twilight has some cold ones at her place."
"Ummm...nah."
Rainbow was flustered. "Then where?"
Applejack rubbed the back of her neck. She had a blush on her cheeks and her eyes refused to look at Rainbow. "Well, ya see Rainbow. I've been wonderin' and all....and..."
"And what? AJ, what's with ya?" Rainbow took a step away.
"Well, ya see. As ya was workin' I...I kinda realized. Ya pretty hot, girl."
Rainbow blinked. "Yeah...I knew that already."
Applejack snorted in frustration. "Rainbow....Ya a good looking gal. I like how..."
"Applejack, please. I know I'm good looking. Ya don't have to tell me things I already know."
"Rainbow, I wanna go to the barn."
"Sure, ya need help pitchin' hay?"
"If ya wanna call it that..."
"Don't worry, I'll help. I'll get the pitchfork and..."
"Rainbow! I didn't actually mean that! I...I meant we go to the barn. It's private. It's a bit cozy. I..."
Rainbow cocked her brow at her friend. What was she talking about? Barns are private, sure. Cozy? Clouds were cozier. Her mind started to try and interpret the words in a different way. Was it some southern saying she didn't understand? A thought popped in her head and she hesitantly started to ask it.
"Are...Are you askin' me to be with ya in the barn...and...uhh...do it?"
"Well, maybe not that fast," Applejack chuckled. "But...uhh...yeah."
"You're hitting on me?"
"Yes."
Rainbow was starting to become scared. "I'm a mare...you're a mare..."
"We can at least try it, sugarcube."
Rainbow's pupils shrunk to the size of periods. "GAHHHH!!!"
The pegasus grabbed an apple and chucked with all her might at the farmer. The force splattered the apple on Applejack's face and made her fall backwards in the hard ground. While the hitting mare on the ground with tiny Apple Blooms circling around her head, Rainbow spread her wings and dashed away with the speed of lightning.
She quickly zoomed to Sugar Cube Corner. With an expert stop, she stood still right in front of Pinkie, who was standing at the counter of the shop. Rainbow nervously looked about before sighing and leaning on the counter.
"What's up, Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie asked excitedly.
"Ya won't believe it," Rainbow said as she shook her head. "Applejack and I were working right? And then when we were done, she was all like 'I'd like to see you in my barn.' She was hitting on me! I saved myself and got out of there. It was so unlike her."
"Unlike her?" Pinkie giggled. "Please, she and I did it last night."
"What?!"
"She's not as good as you would think, maybe you're better!."
Rainbow's eyes twitched. "Ya can't be serious..."
"But I totally am! She was like guuhhhh and I was like ahhh and the-"
"Bye!"
Rainbow quickly left the shop and soared to Rarity's boutique. Rarity was the most civilized pony in the village, right? She couldn't be lesbian, right? Rainbow prayed to Celestia that would be the case.
She broke through the door and crashed into Rarity's kitchen. It was midday and Rarity was preparing her lunch. She jumped back at the sudden entry of her friend, but since she was so used to it, she calmed down quickly.
"Rainbow, how are you? Was that another failed stunt?" she asked.
"Oh no," Rainbow panted. "My day is just goin' terrible! Pinkie and Applejack are lesbians! It's so horrid, I know! Applejack asked me to do it and Pinkie and her have already done it!"
"How brutish of them."
"I know right?"
"I would have given you a rose first and perhaps asked you out to dinner."
"Yeah...and it's...what!?" Rainbow squealed.
Rarity cocked her head. "Wouldn't that be what you want? I am a unicorn and we unicorns ask each other out with dignity, unlike those uncivilized earth ponies."
"Uhh...."
"Now, I know how to win the heart of somepony. Oh don't look at me like that! You know that we would make a lovely couple. My feminine features and your masculine personality will make balance in our relationship..."
"Rares....stop..."
"Why? Oh come now, darling. I know how you stare at me. I simply captivate you, don't I?"
"No...I stare at you cause I wonder how ya mane stays that way..."
"Rainbow, my dear, you do not need to hide your feelings from me." She closed in. "I adore you, you adore me. Perhaps we can discuss our feelings over dinner and then carry on in a hotel?"
"You're infected too! I'm outta here!"
Rarity was soon looking at nothing as in a blink Rainbow was gone. A frustrated shrill left the fashionista's throat and she stomped a hoof on the floor.
"Oh! I was so close!" she huffed.
Rainbow sped by the random Ponyvillians and raced to Twilight's castle. She had to know what was up! Rainbow knew none of her friends were lesbian before, so why would they be now? Did they stand next to each other? Did they sit on the same bench? Did they share a look? Were they in the same location? Rainbow could not understand.
She crashed through a window and planted her face in the Cutie Map. Twilight was sitting in her throne and fell out with a scream. Her loud heartbeats could be heard by Rainbow. The princess grunted in anger as she stared at the intruder.
"Couldn't you use the front door?" she asked coldly.
"Twilight! Ya gotta help me!" Rainbow flew down to her and grabbed her face.
"What's up?"
"Our friends have all turned lesbian for me! I need to hide!"
Twilight chuckled. "I wouldn't blame them."
"What?" Rainbow asked worriedly.
"What will hiding do you?"
"I don't wanna be with such freaks!"
Twilight seductively blinked her eyes. "Well, you're in luck, Rainbow."
Rainbow brightened. "I am?"
Twilight moved her face closer and whispered in Rainbow's ears. "Cause I'm lesbian too, hottie."
"Ya kiddin' right?" Rainbow moved away.
"Of course not! Wanna read the things I wrote about us being together? They. Are. Thrilling."
Rainbow looked about. There was a large book on the floor. Twilight must have been reading it before being startled. The pegasus picked it up and violently slammed it on Twilight's head. The princess paused before her eyes rolled up in her skull and she fell unconscious on the crystal floor.
"Ouch..." were the last words she uttered.
"Whew..." Rainbow tossed the book aside. "She'll feel that in the morning.
A slow, sarcastic clap echoed through the throne room. Rainbow slowly turned her head to the sound. There, in the doorway, was Starlight Glimmer. The filthiest smirk was on her face. A face that anypony who saw it would punch it immediately. This, along with the mocking clap, was the most epic display of douchebaggery ever.
"You having fun, Rainbow?" she asked with venomous slime to her mocking voice.
"You did this!" Rainbow angrily fired back.
"Great observation, hero. I'm so, so sorry your homophobia is ruining your day. All these beautiful mares, simply speaking about love. And then you come in and reject it. You deny the simplest of truths."
"Love? Please, my friends just wanted to bang me. I don't think that's love..."
Starlight faltered a little. "What? They just asked you to bang?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Except Rares, but she was gettin' too close for me."
"Well that blows...That spell was supposed to make everyone love the same sex, not turn them into whatever they are now...No wonder it was under 'Party Spells,'" she added under her breath.
"Change them back!" Rainbow stomped.
"Ha! Never!" Starlight composed herself. "You must learn to stop being so damn homophobic! I plan to cleanse you of your ignorant ways by making you see true love!"
"What if I was afraid of bats? Would putting me in a dark cell with just bats stop my fear?" Rainbow asked.
"Who says it couldn't?"
"Starlight, I don't think ya plan is right..."
"Oh please! How do you know? You're afraid of gays and lesbians! Simple ponies who express their love in different ways! You are ignorant, disgusting, and rude. You know nothing, Rainbow. I am no villain for trying to make you see the truth!"
"But ya kinda are. Ya just made everypony into something they're not. What if ya changed all the gays into straights?"
"That's different..."
Rainbow shook her head. "Not really. Well, not if ya are for equality."
Starlight stormed over to Rainbow. "Listen here, bub. You are part of a dying breed of morons who believe the world should caress them. Guess what? The world is better off without you horrid bigots. I'm a visionary! I am progressive thinker! I'm the one that makes the world go forward. You're the kind that tries to keep it back."
"Didn't ya like me at your village because ya thought I was gay?" Rainbow asked.
"That was before I knew your true colors."
"I haven't changed. I'm the enemy now just because ya found out my views?"
"I know where you're going with this. And yes, you are still the douchebag! You insulted Lyra and Bon Bon just because of their sexual orientation. You are no hero here."
"Fine, I'll take that. It wasn't right of me to insult them. But I'm still gonna do this to ya."
Rainbow picked up the book and raised it over her head. Starlight scoffed and crossed her legs in defiance.
"Ha! A book? When have books ever done anything of worth? They are old and are filled with outdated dogmas. It's the fact that these horrid things are still being taught at schools that we have such an ignorant society. Some of these books contain such foul language and viewpoints that one would vomit at. Books have not saved anyone. The equal have no need of books. Well, at least not the ones that preach such despicable things."
Rainbow paused. "Uhh...Do you even read?"
"No. And stop there! Just because I do not read doesn't make me dumb!"
"I used to think that too. Not reading doesn't make ya dumb, but it doesn't make ya smarter either."
Rainbow brought the book down on Starlight's head. The unicorn was knocked out cold instantly. At that moment, Twilight woke up and looked about. Rainbow dropped the book and helped her friend up.
"What...What happened?" Twilight gasped.
"Nothing much. Wanna bang?" Rainbow asked.
"Gah! What in Equestria, Rainbow!" Twilight jumped away.
Rainbow laughed. "Just testin' something."
Twilight was confused and raised a brow. Rainbow was still chuckling when she looked down at the book. It was open on the floor. The pages had some crazy crayon drawings surrounded by very neat hoofwriting. The crayon drawings clearly showed Rainbow and Twilight having intercourse. The cursive words described the actions in startling detail.
"Twil...Twi....wha..." Rainbow was speechless.
Twilight followed her friend's eyes. Her own eyes widened in shock and her horn lit up. The book disappeared in a purple flash. A wild blush appeared on her cheeks and she started to laugh innocently.
"He...ha...strange stuff, am I right?" she said awkwardly.
Rainbow fainted.
"Oh dear..."
=
Seeing
a social justice warriorStarlight getting knocked down a peg is always the highlight of my dayI'm not homophobic: I'm not scared of my house.
Or poofs.
6894442 I know of one Christian B&B in the UK whose owners were taken to court because they wouldn't let a gay couple share a bedroom. Bearing in mind they never let unmarried couples share bedrooms, and same-sex marriage wasn't legal at the time, it seems rather harsh that they've lost so much business. They took a poll, and about two thirds of people said they shouldn't be prosecuted, but apparently democracy's out of the window when the EU's equality drive's been fired up. There was an outcry, though, which is something.
I'm pretty sure Twilight will have plenty to say about this; might want to look into a magic-inhibitor ring.
Shhhhhhhh! Don't let Starlight hear you!
I wonder if the stupid can be beaten out of Starlight? I think she could be in a lot of trouble with her latest stunt. Forcing somepony to switch something like this is bound to piss off a majority of the towns population.
6894125 Truth is easy to find and hard to say. Luckily, I'm good at saying things and bad at finding truth. Wait...
6894145 Monty Python would never be accepted these days. They must live on!
6894500 Mob = Power. That's always been the rule.
6894637 That's inhumane. Magic-inhibitors were banned of use. Wait...they only affect unicorns and alicorns. Never mind! They're back in production!
6894768 Starlight needs another "Rarity is a Whore" sign...
6894774 Well, it went down in history as the "Ponyville's Day Where The Most Ponies Banged." For some reason, Lyra and Bon Bon became straight and could not join in on the excitement. However, the Big Bowl Gameday still holds in the record for the most bangs in one night for the nation of Equestria..
6894887
Think of the poor Cakes! They have those adorable foals. The real question is what about the asexual ponies and how this was for them!
6894919 They probably became pansexual or bisexual.
or the asexual just cannot be broken....
I wonder which character in this fic is asexual.....
6895349 I know right? Starlight's the most offensive character in this story and well...she takes the most offense too.
She's freakin' crazy. Yup...
At some point Pony Trump needs to come to Ponyville to make her head explode.
6899092 "I tried that once, but trying to act like Trump made MY head explode."
6900490 Well, that makes sense. It's like bring bringing a knife to a gun fight. The only true threats of power are going to be the most advanced beings. Unicorns and Alicorns are more advanced than the other pony tribes. Unicorns can manipulate weather like a pegasus and many of them at once can move the celestial bodies. Might makes right, as they say. But it is for the best as the Princesses are a defence force. Protect the weak!
But like Cadence, any race can become an alicorn. So it isn't as unfair as one would think.
6900525
Lightning Dust and Rainbow Dash together created a tornado that would've demolished the rest of the Elements of Harmony. To be fair, that was back when Twilight didn't have wings.
Still, why shouldn't it be possible a non-unicorn pony reaches a point of power like Starlight did? If it's true that Earth Ponies are connected to plantlife, why not have a villain who can cause Equestria's fields to wither? Or a Pegasus so powerful, the winds around them blast away any Unicorn's magic beams? Or an invasion by a number of enemies too large to be held back with magic (the Crystal Empire War timeline had shades of that)? All it takes is a bit of imagination.
Or heck, a villain who works to destroy Twilight's and her friends' reputations but is so good at not leaving tracks, they can't directly touch them until the climax.
The writers are limiting themselves to horned magic users, and the more they do so the more it makes the claim of all three tribes being somewhat in balance a joke.
6901198 You do know that Cadence was a pegasus that became an alicorn, right?
6901176 I realized this. This is as far as it's going, but the RL politics do derive from the PC culture and the bastardization it has become.
Dislikes? So what? This isn't my story to get featured every week or to show my skills as a writer. This is a parody of a very left-wing type of people that are not just limited to tumblr like many believe. If it gets too close to real life, that's not my fault as it's very hard to get away to Exaggeration Land when the truth is just so bizarre.
The dislikes are coming from people who disagree with me. That simple. They have no other reason to dislike it. Only one guy has ever said anything to me, but he simply insulted me in a way that would make this Starlight think twice before saying. Actually no, I quoted him in this story. No one else has said anything nor try to disprove me, so they just hit the dislike and believe they have done their duty.
Of course, if they were NOT the kind of people this fic parodies, they would have ignored my story completely. By the title and description, it basically screams "ignore this if you are a PC advocate." But they don't. I would bet 30 of the dislikes did not even open up the first chapter. So they probably never read the RL politics neither.
And they have every right to dislike it. I'm not saying they are bad people, as this fic can seem immature and harsh in some minds. Now, I'm against all the mane6 shipping on this site, but do I go around disliking every TwiDash story or Rarijack story? Haven't once. So if I can (in all my seemingly insecurity and immaturity) ignore fics I don't approve of, then they can too. But like I said, I don't mind them sharing their opinions when this fiction promotes the freedom of speech and tolerance, but of course, you share them with kindness instead of plain insulting.
6901517
Yes, I do. Still, don't you think having the answer to the issue of hornless ponies coming off as inferior being 'well, they can grow a horn' is a bit depressing? I'd much rather they explore what the other tribes/species have to offer.
6901573
I absolutely agree with you there. Downvotes without actual, useful criticism are basically useless because they don't help one become better. I personally don't downvote either just because a story contains story element I don't like, and when I do click on that red button (something that happened seven times in total by now, if memory serves) I try to explain why. That's only fair.
Plus, well, some of the stories I enjoy barely break even in votes because they have such a large hatedom that doesn't really care about quality, only content.
6901672 Yeah, parts of the MLP universe can become depressing if ya think about it. But it does make for some good stuff like what I try to use in this story.
Pro-cow. All day. Every day.
This chapter actually brings out a little bit of a pet peeve of mine: specifically, calling
peopleponies gay/lesbian when they're actually bisexual.Like Brokeback Mountain. The two dudes in there aren't gay, they're bisexual, but of course all the media talk said they're gay. It's certainly a discretion worthy enough to nitpick about.
That's pretty much all people think love is these days... which is why we have a 90% divorce rate...
"Now I'm going to turn you into one of the NEW breeds of morons who believe the world should caress them!"
Best. Line. Ever. This is now headcannon for Twilight's courtship rituals.
Starlight i need my spell back so i can romance Luna Starlight are you there? oh uh well i think someone killed her oh well time to get a Hypnotize plasmid
6901573 Sorry this is such a late reply as i just found this fic out of the blue and immensely enjoy it but it is people like you that gives me hope that not everyone agrees with what is being done to our education system/businesses and government.