• Published 5th Dec 2015
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I'm Offensive and I Take Offense - Gapeagle



Twilight and her friends arrive at a strange community where everypony seems...off. Whoops, the word "off" is too offensive.

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Existential Chaos

Fluttershy carefully sipped her tea with the grace and elegance that was simply natural to her. Her wide eyes stared blankely at the wooden table. As she stared at it, she began to notice all the little details in it. All the scratch marks from animals, all the circles made my hot tea cups not put on saucers, and the chipped paint. The old table could use a touch up. Another project to be done around here.

Across the now terribly ugly and horrible table was none other than Discord. His large paw took hold of the tiny tea cup and he sipped from it, making as many slurping sounds as possible.He did so in an attempt to gain Fluttershy's attention, but alas, she still stared at the table.

"Now, my dear Fluttershy, what is bothering you?" he asked.

"Well, to be honest, I've been thinking a lot about what has been happening. You know, ever since we brought Starlight here from her village."

"It's been a fun ride, yes?" he giggled.

"Well, maybe. It just seems all too weird....even for me."

Her words were sincere, so Discord's grin faded. He never enjoyed it when Fluttershy slumped into her depressing moods, always questioning the world and always questioning who she was. He didn't say anything and allowed her to continue.

"I mean, I live with you, or no, you live with me, but still, it's so weird and bizarre."

"Oh, how is it so bizarre, really, my dear?" he placed his elbows on the table and leaned closer. "You live in a world that has no sense of technology or science. I'm a spirit made of a dozen different parts and my voice is that of an anti-hero from a classic space series."

"Well, it has certainly made me question the pony race, I'll say that. Everything now seems like one giant joke and the grand comedian just doesn't know when to end it."

"Hehe. Sounds like a blast."

"Well, maybe, but not everyone is having fun. I mean, Discord, we are in a world now that ponies are beating each other up in some culture war. Nopony knows what to believe, and so they hide in echo chambers. Usually jokes are for non-serious things, but the biggest joke in my lifetime is politics. Discord, that's not a good sign. We even have the human world to make fun of....but it just doesn't cut it."

"I think you're taking this all a bit too seriously..."

"Am I?" Fluttershy looked at him with intimidating eyes. "Think about it, Discord! The pony race is just one giant, endless joke! The other races are laughing at us as half our population fights the other on the internet. One calls them bigots and the other calls them crybabies! They attack each other with memes! MEMES! Rainbow Dash went out to start a cult that worships a cartoon frog and guess what?!?!? In this world, she can do that! Soon there will be a whole ethnicity that praises some god that spawns from pure tomfoolery!"

Some strains of pink hair slipped out from where they should be, giving Fluttershy an even more insane look. Her heavy, but still high-pitched breathing was cute and all, but Discord, now reeled back from the pony in a defensive position, was not thinking about that. His scared expression was frozen there for some moments, before he cleared his throat and tried to regain dignity.

"Fluttershy, my dear, this is just a unique time in history..."

"I don't want my grandkids coming to me and knowing me for going through a time of insanity!" she stamped her hooves on the table. "I don't want to pick up some history book in the future and see sections talking about memes and frogs and fake oppression and Neo-Sombrazis who get punched or dance around on television!"

"It could be worse, my dear. I skipped out on a thousand years, but I do recall how ponies were before my first imprisonment. They were violent, always needing something to guide their life. At least now their violence is on the internet, which, cannot be violent."

"It's just so wild, Discord. We are in a time of such extreme points that a pony is either evil or good based on a criteria that involves race, ethnicity, and....and.....gender! And gender is a social construct!"

Discord rolled his eyes. "Flutters, perhaps you should take some medicine."

"Well, my mother did give me this kind of pill when I was a kid. It would help make me care-free."

"Which sounds like a good idea."

She became even more animated. "But Discord! Can you even imagine it! Everypony is insane! This world is mad! Maybe this is all some sick timeline Twilight made accidentally with her magic! Maybe this is all a sick prank by Rainbow and Pinkie! This couldn't be real, Discord! Are you behind this?!?!? Are you slowly turning us into a realm of chaos so that you can be king of it once more?! Maybe it's Celestia tricking us all so that when we're distracted, she can eat more giant cakes that we used taxpayer bits to pay for!"

At that instant, Discord shoved a pill down her throat. Then, she paused, swallowed, and continued staring blankly in the distance. She blinked twice, and then slumped in her chair. Discord was confused for a moment and leaned in closer to see if the pegasus was alright.

"You know, Discord...maybe all this doesn't matter. What's the point?" she shrugged pathetically.

"By the sun, wrong pill," he hoof/claw-palmed.

"Maybe all this insanity is good for an insane world, you know?" she sighed. "I mean, what else would we expect? A government that knows what it's doing? Yeah right..."

"Let me go find you a better pill..." Discord said grudgingly.

=///=

Author's Note:

Based off a conversation with my older brother.


The times man......

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