The Flopscars
"Oh no! They're here!"
"Celestia save us!"
"Don't swear by her! If they hear, they'll make us resign!"
"Something save us?"
"I guess that's better."
The unicorn named Fashion Plate bit on his hooves nervously. Beside him was an earth pony mare named Heart Style. They both looked out the window to the Canterlotian streets below. There in a large mass was a bunch of protesting ponies, all dull and having the same mane styles. Fashion Plate couldn't stand their simple designs. No style! No taste! No fabulousness! AHHHH!!!
However, that was not important. The important part was that the protesting ponies were trying to storm his home. His beautiful, beautiful home! Heart was panicking, not because of Fashion's home, but because she feared for her own life. Her hooves clung onto her rich violet mane as if it as a rope saving her life.
"Gah!"
The equal ponies broke the door and flooded the mansion. In no time they had run up the stairs and reached Fashion Plate and Heart Style. Leading the protesters was Double Diamond and Night Glider. Both sides stared at the other, one with frightened glances and the other with hateful glares.
"Fashion Plate!" Double Diamond shouted. "We are boycotting your annual Best Fashionista Awards in your Cosmare magazine! You and your so called judges rigged the results! All those elected for the award are unicorns! You bigot! You have no diversity!"
"I am so sorry!" Fashion Plate wailed. "I didn't mean anything! Rarity, Sassy Saddles, the others...they are all great fashionistas! It is not my fault, they just happen to be the best!"
"That's only because they have magic, dipshit!" Night Glider barked. "But I guess you wouldn't know that since you're a unicorn yourself!"
"I am an advocate for diversity! I swear!" Fashion Plate cried. "I try, try so much! Look! My assistant is an earth pony!"
Heart Style jumped away from him. "Don't you drag me into this! You're on your own."
"You racist bigot!" an equal mare shouted. "You are biased!"
"I'm sorry!" he started to tear up. "I...I...I made such mistakes!"
"Yeah, you did! Now elect a pegasus fashionista! There are great ones out there!" Sugar Belle yelled from deep in the protesting crowd.
Fashion Plate nodded, but then shrugged helplessly. "What pegasus fashionista is better than Rarity? Maybe Suri? But she's a known fashion thief!"
"Suri's an earth pony, we need pegasi!" they shouted.
"Who?!" he cried again.
Night Glider stood proudly. "Well, you know! That..." she paused. "Uhh...Guys? Do we know a fashion pegasus?"
They all started muttering among themselves. Some would say a name as if they solved the perplexing puzzle, only to be told that said pegasus wasn't in the fashion business. After mostly Wonderbolt or celebrity names were given, the equal ponies gave up.
"Then elect Coco Pommel and Suri for the award," Party Flavor commanded. "Earth ponies are still more diverse than unicorns."
Fashion Plate sighed a dramatic sigh. "But fellas, one is a known cheater and the other hasn't had a single dress line out."
"Then Prime Hemline!" Sugar Belle suggested.
"But she's a judge that helped me pick these candidates!"
"Oh..."
Double Diamond stepped forward and shoved a hoof into Fashion's chest. "You will elect Coco and she will win. Do it. Do it for progress and diversity."
"But...but..."
"Shut it!" he growled. "This is for the pony race! Equality must be shown, no matter what."
Fashion Plate buried his face in tears. "I'll do it! I'll do it!"
"Another win for equality! #equalitywins!" Sugar Belle jumped up in joy.
"Yeah!" the protesters rejoiced.
"THOU SHALL NOT USE HASHTAGS IN OUR GLORIOUS PRESENCE!!"
The equal ponies were then blasted away by the Royal Canterlot Voice. Luna had come crashing in through one of the windows, much to Fashion's despair. The equal ponies saw the fierce princess and saw that the battle was lost. They dropped their signs and scrambled out of the mansion. Luna smiled at this and turned triumphantly to Fashion Plate.
Fashion Plate was split between awe and horror. "My princess..."
Luna interrupted him. "THOU SHALL ELECT WHOEVER THOU WISHES, FASHIONABLE KNAVE!"
She had forgotten she had her voice set on caps lock, so the poor unicorn and his mare flew across the room and crashed into some nearby furniture. Luna was surprised at her own strength, but did not care much for the unicorn editor's injuries.
She sighed. "Well, at least Twilight isn't here to lecture me."
~
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#theseterialrights
#theseteriallivesmatter
#lunaisthebestprincess
6877114
#celestiadisagrees
6877136
#whocalledouttheimposteratthewedding
#whobeatsombra
Don't call your education of me a victory it belongs to me and the girls!
Right!
Right!
Right!
Right!
right.
Right!
Right! Don't forget my contribution Twi!
Sorry Spike!
I'm going to leave this here as a resource for anyone confused about what this fic is satirising. I started reading it last night and so far it's a spot on representative of what social justice and feminism has devolved into. It's a book by someone who has been involved in GamerGate and Sad Puppies/Rabid Puppies. I'm not a fan of him or read much of his stuff.
SJW's Always Lie: Taking Down The Thought Police by Vox Day
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/9527065682?vs=1
The forward is also from this glorious faggot.
How about a chapter where the equal ponies try to force Bic Mac to be Orchard Blossom after the events of the Sisterhooves social.
6880468 I actually had the idea in my head, but I never developed it. Guess I will now.
6880476
Cool.
Hah, I clicked what it was satirizing as soon as I saw the title.
#PegasusLivesMatter
#BoycottCelestia
#KillAllUnicorns
At the risk of starting a shitstorm in the comments:
I get the feeling Will Smith is only taking his wife's side because he knows if he tells her "what, no I'm not pissed I didn't get nominated", turns up (and in doing so embarrasses her basically in front of the world) he's sleeping on the couch for a year.
6877136 Here's an idea for you, Starlight creates a daily newpaper that is literally the print version of tumblr
6881205 I have plenty of ideas. I mean plenty. I have one Starlight/Lyra and Bon Bon chapter half-way done.
Other ideas are Fluttershy's animal abuse, Pinkie's demand for higher wages, Rainbow's complete homophobia, Big Mac Trans, and Kevin the Changeling.
#poorfashionplate #nightglidershouldstartafashionline
6884376 Night Glider was soon appointed, but then said "nah." So once again, there is an extreme lack of pegasi in the fashion industry. More riots ensue to the lack of diversity.
6884393 It's not anyone's fault if most, if not all, pegasi chose to shun fashion and work more in the athletic department.
"That's nice, honey, and while I'm very sorry you feel you need to do this, I in turn have to ask... if you're boycotting me, why are you still here?"
#CocoForBestPony
6881229 Ah hates cherngelerngs! Cuz... you know... they have a certain physical trait obvious to the eye which a horrible racist like me would find irresistible!
They're full of holes! Gross, disgusting HOLES! You can see right into their tissues and stuff! It's icky!
Wait, what were YOU thinking I was thinking of? You racists!
That's twice I've seen you use that spelling do you mean naive (which would be wrong) or knave?
#allhashtagsgodieinafire