Discord cleared his throat before inching much too close to the microphone. With vastly oversized headphones on his rather skinny head, he looked sternly down at the script in his mixed claws.
"Ahem, I have recent news," he began, "of a small pegasus filly raging havoc throughout Equestria. Now, my dear audience, is this not what I have been warning you all of? For years I have been on this radio show informing you all of the troubles that happen behind the scenes."
"If you remembered," he continued, "I was informing you all of Twilight's schemes to overthrow Celestia and Luna. Such a conniving plan of friendship and pony magic. Without my incredible journalism, the two Princesses would have been tossed salad.
"It was I who warned you of the Friendship School. This government-funded yet not regulated academy was flooded by foreigners on the first day. It was our Princess of Friendship who opened up a school that allowed changelings, you know, the ones that invaded Canterlot, to attend. Dragons were next. Then it came to those stupid yaks. Hmph. What it really was was an attempt to indoctrinate the creatures of the world to oppose Celestia and Luna. I was the one who put an end to that.
"However, I must return to the pegasus filly named Cozy Glow. According to my research, she met regularly with Starlgiht Glimmer. Yes, folks, that Starlight Glimmer. We have government-funded schools that allow felons to be staff. What an awful time to live in, indeed. So, this former cult leader corrupts the child. She taught this cute little pegasus to worship demons and dimwitted celebrities.
"Yes, my dear audience, the ponies at Twilight's school are being turned into demon-worshipers. It is a shame that my dear friend, Fluttershy, has to work at such a Hellish place. What I tell you is true. I vow its truth on my journalistic integrity, if that means anything to you.
"Now, of course, Princess Twilight rejects these claims. That is exactly what a demon worshiper would say. Should we believe a unicorn who got turned into an alicorn because she solved an ancient spell? Hm, certainly not. Celestia gave her wings and she in kind tried to overthrow the one who made her. That, my dear listeners, is what you call evil.
"Now, my listeners may ask 'what shall we do with this pegasus filly? It's simple enough. Destroy her. I was turned into stone twice for far less. I say destroy all the students. Who knows how many of them have been magically turned into demons from the Princess's dark magic.
"This is all part of Twilight's plan. Tirek, Chrysalis, that Blue Goat Ice Cream mascot, they all are distractions. This Cozy Glow was undoubtedly a leak in Twilight's scheme. After trying to take the throne through subtlety, Twilight is now raising a demon army of youths from every race. She has to do this to fit Starlight's pursuit of diversity. With such an army, she can take over Equestria and beyond in a frightful plan of globalism.
"This defiled army of students ask their Grand Teacher 'what shall we do?' and she replies 'CORRUPT THEM ALL.' These are the times we live in, folks. Demons, not from centaurs or goats, but from your fillies and colts attending her school.
"So folks, be wary. Be very cautious. The time of judgment is near, oh yes. Our final days will come with a falling sun and a year long battle with the hordes of the corrupted. Do not let your child attend the school of the demons! Fight back! That year long battle starts today!"
As Discord went on, a rather shocked Fluttershy watched from the other side of the studio glass. Beside her was a very frustrated Twilight.
"Giving him a mic was your idea," she told the pegasus mare.
"....Yeah it was...." Fluttershy sighed. "But I told you he would like it. He likes it when others are listening."
Twilight took a deep breath. "Oh by Celestia...I hope they aren't."