//------------------------------//
// Bonus: PC Jeopardy 
// Story: I'm Offensive and I Take Offense 
// by Gapeagle 
//------------------------------//

"How did we get here?"

"Don't ask, my dear Twilight, just roll with it."

Twilight, Celestia, Luna, Rarity, Cadance all stood bewildered on individual stands lined up in a semi-circle on a great stage. On their stands were the number "0" with the bits sign next to it. Lights and showy things were all about as they realized they were on some sort of game show. The audience was in the dark parts of the building, clapping and waving their hooves about. It was not long before the host came on stage. Of course, the host was none other than Starlight Glimmer.

"WELCOME TO PC JEOPARDY!" she sang through her microphone. "I am your great host, Starlight Glimmer! Today we have some dishonorable guests with us."

"Couldn't get three sentences in before insulting us," Twilight mumbled.

"You're on mic, princess," Starlight said, "so I would be more careful about what you say."

Twilight looked to see the crowd giving deep frowns at her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at them, but it was no use. The damage was done.

Starlight continued happily. "So today with our five contestants..." she paused. "Five?" She turned around and counted them with her hoof. She then blinked before realizing what was wrong.

"Oh! I see the problem. Rarity, get the hell out of here," Starlight pointed at the white unicorn.

"But...But why?" Rarity asked.

"You know why!"

"Because I'm a unicorn? I add diversity to this line of contestants!" Rarity protested.

"Naw, we don't allow whores in here," Starlight shook her hoof. "And shut up, no one wants to here you speak...like ever."

The crowed then cheered as Rarity walked off stage, leaving the four alicorns at their stations. Starlight gave a smug look before continuing. 

"Our four guests: Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and Cadance. The four alicorn tetrarchy of Equestria!"

"Saying 'four' and 'tetra' is redundant," Twilight told the host.

Starlight frowned at the book princess. "I see that Twilight has lost her first points. She is at negative one thousand bits to start the game off."

Twilight looked down to see her score was not -1000 bits. "That's not fair! I was correcting you! It's called helping!"

"Oh," Starlight grinned, "make that -2000."

Twilight looked down again to see that her score was even lower than before. She promptly shut her mouth and let the host rule the show like a dictator.

"Now, on this version of Jeopardy, we ask questions about the equalist culture that was swept over Equestria. We have these four alicorns to display their knowledge on the subject they plan to fight. Oh foolish them."

"I'm not fighting it," Cadance raised a hoof.

"You're an alicorn, yes you are," Starlight barked.

Starlight cleared her throat. "So, our categories are feminism, oppression, other, racism, social justice, and microaggressions. Each one of these categories are important and serve to show the intentions of the equalist movement. Do these phony rulers have what it takes to see the current society they live in? Or are they going to flaunt their ignorance like never before? Let's find out."

She turned to the alicorns. "Celestia will have the first turn. Please pick a category."

Celestia rubbed her chin as she looked at the big screen in front of her. Twilight watched her, seeing how calm she was in the midst of the hostile environment. With a smile, she pointed at one square on the screen.

"Feminism for 100," she said politely.

"Alright," Starlight pressed a button to show the question. "What is the cause of stallion sexual predators in our society?"

Celestia slammed her hoof on the red button before any of the others could react. "What is patriarchy?"

"Correct," Starlight said with a furrowed brow.

"What? That makes no sense!" Twilight blinked. "A patriarchal society and sexual predators are different concepts. Males being the rulers does not inherently mean that the males will aggressively seek out females to mate or rape-"

"-3000 bits for the purple asshole!" Starlight yelled and her word became law. "Now, Celestia, you may pick again."

"Feminism for 200."

Starlight cleared her throat. "What is the-"

Celestia slammed her hoof down again. "What is patriarchy?"

"Are you cheating?" Starlight growled.

"I just took a guess," Celestia shrugged.

"Fine...Celestia has 300 bits. She may go again."

"Feminism for 300."

"Ahem, the name of-"

"What is patriarchy!"

"By Tartarus! Not again!" Starlight rubbed her temples.

"Wait, are all the answers 'patriarchy?'" Twilight asked. 

"Of course not!" Starlight shouted. "Feminism is about equal rights for all genders, not hating stallions. You act like it's about females only."

"Ahem, feminism for 500," Celestia spoke.

Starlight pressed the button and then-

"Patriarchy!" Twilight slammed her hoof down.

"Your answer must be in the form of a question!" Starlight frowned.

"What is patriarchy?" Twilight grinned.

"Incorrect," Starlight said simply and Twilight's points went down to -3500.

"How?!" Twilight covered her face.

"Well, if you listened to the question, maybe you could've answered correctly," Starlight rolled her eyes. "Moron."

"May we hear the question then?" Cadance asked.

"Ahem, if you are not feminist, then you are?"

Luna pressed the button. "Non-feminist!"

"Wrong..."

Luna blinked. "What? But that has to be the answer!"

Starlight rolled her eyes. "Technically, yes. There's a better word for it."

"Wait! I know this!" Twilight swung her legs about.

"You already answered!" Starlight snapped. "Just sit there and shut up!"

Twilight lowered her head in shame. Celestia stroked her chin with a grin on her face. She pressed the button.

"What is Starlight Glimmer?"

"That's...hey!" Starlight yelled. "I'm not the answer!"

"Yes, we all knew that already," Celestia chuckled.

"-1000 points for your royal ass!"

A -500 appeared on Celestia's screen. The Princess of the Sun took the score with pride. Cadance remained politely on her end and looked at everypony before pressing her button.

"What is a sexist?" she hesitantly asked.

"Correct!" Starlight brightened. "Cadance is now in the lead."

"Should I be proud of that?" the Princess of Love whispered to herself.

The crowd clapped their hooves at the pink princess's success. Twilight leaned over to see the scores for each contestant. She had -3500 while Luna had 0 and Cadance had 500. She gasped as she realized something was wrong.

"Hey! I lost points for my incorrect answer, but Celestia and Luna didn't. I'm being treated unfairly!"

"What do you know of unfair? You're an alicorn! Not everything revolves around you," Starlight rolled her eyes. 

"That's rac-"

"If you dare say that, a negative million points are heading your way, princess."

Twilight shut her mouth.

"Alright!" Starlight smiled. "Cadance, your pick."

"Um, how about social justice for 200?"

"Let's do it then," Starlight pressed her buttons. "Alright, so what are uninformed judgments created by unicorns to instigate hate or intolerance towards other races?"

Cadance pressed the button. "What are stereotypes?"

"Correct."

"Bullshit!" Twilight yelled.

"Language you shitface!" Starlight yelled back. "This is a family show!"

Twilight did the Canterlot sigh and stayed quiet. Cadance glanced worriedly over to the young princess before continuing. "Racism for 300."

"Where is the capital of racism?"

"Where is Canterlot?"

"Correct!"

"Where is the bleach?" Twilight grumbled. "Cause I need some for my brain."

The crowd promptly booed the purple book horse.

"Twilight, please calm down," Cadance told her calmly. "I'll take racism for 400."

Starlight cleared her throat. "What is the original source of racism?"

"What is Starlight Glimmer?" Celestia pressed the button.

"-2000 for you..." the host growled.

"What is a unicorn?" Cadance answered.

"Correct!" Starlight then paused. "Oh don't look at me like that!"

All the princesses stared at her with their front legs crossed. Starlight looked at them and then looked out to the crowd who also crossed their legs at her in disapproval. She smiled awkwardly and loosened the collar around her neck.

"Yes, I am a unicorn and I am inherently racist because of it."

"You took this host job away from a pegasus, didn't you?" Celestia asked knowingly.

"I thought I would be the best host available because I know you guys..." Starlight gulped.

"Because a pegasus wouldn't do as well as you and your fat horn, eh?" Twilight snarled.

"Look who's talking!" Starlight rolled her eyes.

"Starlight Glimmer, according to your beliefs, alicorns are not the root of all racism. You are more racist than us," Luna said confidently.

"Next question please..." she said to Cadance who remained silent.

"How could you, Starlight?" Celestia sounded hurt. "It sickens me that you take a pegasus's job away like that."

"The pegasus was a stallion!" Starlight raised her voice. "I am promoting mare equality."

"So it's OK to be racist if you are a mare?" Celestia leaned forward and awaited the answer.

"Next question!" Starlight screamed at the Princess of Love.

The crowd started to boo Starlight.

"Ya'll a bunch of mindless sheep!" she yelled at them. "I'm not racist!"

"You're a straight unicorn!" Twilight laughed. "Who are you to say you aren't racist?"

"Your unicorn privilege is showing and it looks terrible," Celestia said in disgust.

The booing became louder. Starlight grew red in the face and then she threw her host buttons down on the floor. She looked like she was about to burst.

"Fine! You all lose! There you go, negative infinity points for all your worthless flanks!" she screamed before storming off the stage. 

The crowd cheered at her leaving. The four alicorns clapped their hooves in victory.

"Yes!" Twilight gleamed. "I'm not in last place anymore."

"Whatever," Cadance said. "I still won this game."


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