Today I did not wake up in a place I recognize. Not that I can remember how I got here. Where even is here? A castle of crystals in a magical world of pastel-colored talking horses. It's like a dream, only I'm also a wearied, mutant bug monster.

What in the world is a changeling? Oh, and what is that about a war we're apparently responsible for? This looks like it's shaping up to be a hell of a new day, at least, if I don't get squashed like a bug before it can even start.

Featured: 2/5/19

Edited and pre-read by: Emtu and Indigo_Celeste

Thanks to all the pre-readers that helped reorganize the first few chapters:
TheOneWithoutAName, TheClassyLeviathan and Mind Jack

Cover art by: KlaraPL

Gilda hates her life.

Gilda needs gloves.

Ponies don't wear gloves.

Looks like somebirdy needs to learn how to knit.

Also, Trixie and Diamond Dogs.

Lashona is one fine sassy woman living the dream. No debt, no kids, no husband, she's got it all. Due to forces beyond her control, she finds herself in Equestria.

And she isn't having any of it.

Nuh uh. No way, no how.

Hey look, YouTube readings! Start here!

What people are saying about it:
"Hey, RainbowBob made a new... Wait a minute..."
~Skeeter The Lurker
"Flint, this is absolutely f***ing brilliant."
~SpaceCommie
"Why would you even..?"
~Comrade Sparkle
"Flint, you can't release this...you'll destroy us all!"
~HAZESHIFT
"Totally just commented to see if I could get onto the list of things people are saying about it."
~Garbo802
"A group just for you!"
~wulf95
"Why the hell are there so many people in the description? THIS IS NEPOTISM!!"
~Vengeful Spirit
"this is gay"
~Regidar

Skyrim guard travels the magical land of Equestria, making friends and foes, having adventures and lecturing about proper citizen behavior.

But how will our hero fare against the native ponies with such a short repertoire of phrases? Will he help the land or cause its downfall? Should we follow?

Of course we should!

***

Also, all comments saying anything about anything get a prize!

Have you ever woken up somewhere you don't recognize? I have, once before. This time was not all that different. Headache? Check. Dry mouth? Check. Upset stomach? Check. Hooves? Uhm, that one is new.

Hi, I'm Bruce and I'm 32. Currently, I'm in a light blue Earth Pony foal's body no one has ever seen before. The rest of Equestria thinks I'm 9 and something really traumatic happened to me. It doesn't help I swear like a sailor and I could really go for a smoke right about now. I just hope that the Everfree Forest, rampaging monstrosities, evil dark abominations against God and the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't kill me before I have just one last drag.

Oh, and ponies are hella creepy when you really think about it. Geez.

A little comedy side project. EDIT: HAHA Main project. More characters to be added if I get that far. Categories might be refined as I write. Entire thing is unplanned except vaguely. Don't Expect excessive cursing to be written out, just hinted at. Oh, and as the character is a 30-ish year old in the body of a 9 year old, sexual jokes might exists but sex itself will not occur.

Special thanks to user Momomojito for the awesome-tastic picture! First fanart, I'm so HAPPY. I've gotten more since then! I should collect it all here. Collected!

A new disease. Some sort of radiation poisoning, and at the same time, not. The doctors can't help me, not just yet. Into the tube I go. I'll see you in five years, my wonderful Sarah. I love you.

One last ship. A single set of coordinates. I have no idea where they will take me, but there isn't anything else left for me here. Although, the 'Magic of Friendship' is a strange name for a space ship. I'm changing that to the 'Millennium Falcon' the first chance I get!
(As before, rated teen and gore, due to the fact I swear. A lot. You know, in case you didn't notice! And gore, because I'm not even sure where I'm going with this one!)

New tag! Yeah, not sure if it counts, but chapter 14 gets a bit more descriptive than I usually do.

Also, there is an alternate chapter to a later one/ one shot as a separate story.

Now with a sequel!

*HIATUS UPDATE 10/15/2018: There is currently no set schedule for the remake of this story, but I assure you that it still has not been canceled. I get regular comments, favorites, and emails that all point towards this being a beloved story worth finishing, so one day I will do just that. Thank you all for your time and patience!*
Ever since they were little colts, the Flim Flam brothers had a dream; a dream to make a wondrous machine to set their lives on the fast track to success. The machine, known as the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, was missing just one component to make it all complete. Just one elusive item that no sane pony or pony with values would ever consider using:

Fresh dragon's breath.

Guess what I am.

I was taken from my home, my family, and my wings were slashed. I am no longer a person, I am simply a cog; a cog in the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

This is the beginning of my wonderful tale.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honorary pre-reader as of chapter 10: aiovas. Official Editor: Thardoc. Thanks go to dmkamikazee of deviantart for cover art A! Thanks go to More Dakka for cover art B! A fan created art gallery for this story can be found here on my homepage!

Peter wakes up one day on his 20th birth day to find his life going wrong. Very wrong. He doesn't know how or why, but his friends are slowly turning into ponies after finding that they have cutie marks. However, his body decides to go in a different direction. Can he and his friends reverse the change? Or are they caught up with forces too powerful for them to understand?

Based on the story Five Score Divided By Four by Twisted Spectrum.

Art by ROXDragonz on DeviantArt

The Princesses find an alien creature barely clinging to life at the scene of a terrifying crash. Can the Combined Power of the Elements of Harmony save it, or more importantly, should they save it? Will the arrival of this strange creature tear Equestria apart?

TV Tropes
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/Article2

This story is a sequel to Horns, Hooves, and Fur

It's been four years since Jace and I defeated Insanity. In those four years, multiple things have come to pass. While the world is purged of Insanity, that doesn't mean that the world is cleansed of all evil...

A new threat is looming on the horizon like the everlasting Sun. However, this one... is one to destroy at all cost, and it is crucial that Jace and I must rid the world of this evil, and stay away from its temptations by any means necessary.

Otherwise... when you stray too far into the shadows... the darkness can swallow you whole....

*Sequel to Horns, Hooves, and Fur - Told in first person by both Jace AND Praxis; POVs will alter every chapter.*

*Others: Since I can only select 5 characters at max, I will have the "others" character box checked because there are more characters in the story. So expect other characters, ladies and gentlemen.

Welp, here's the sequel. Me and Craimer can't thank any of you enough for the support. We really hope that you will enjoy this, even though we think it might not be too good. We've actually been waiting to take a crack at this, to be honest. So... here goes nothing.

~S.W.
~CraimerX