• Member Since 7th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


God and devil begone. Coffee runs this soul.


Skyrim guard travels the magical land of Equestria, making friends and foes, having adventures and lecturing about proper citizen behavior.

But how will our hero fare against the native ponies with such a short repertoire of phrases? Will he help the land or cause its downfall? Should we follow?

Of course we should!


Also, all comments saying anything about anything get a prize!

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 372 )

One word (Or is it three?): lol.

"I've heard about you and your honeyed words!"

Here, have this coins

1. These.

Aaaand... I have mixed feelings. Yes, the guards can be annoying and funny at the same time but so can be your followers. In all honesty, I have no idea how to react to this story. Other than laugh at the joke about the AI of the game itself.

Ha! Can't wait till he tells spike he's the Dragonborn!

First of all, I commented before Regidar so yay me.

Second of all, this is awesome. Faved and liked.

Please, please, please don't have him meet Daring Do.
Just, don't, do, it.

Oh wow. A guard in Equestria following game mechanics (limited dialogue, etc.)? That's awesome! I hardly ever see a crossover with a game where the thing from the game crossover sticks with game mechanics. This can only by hilarious. :rainbowlaugh:

Alright, I had a giant grin on my face anytime the guard spoke. This might be crazy enough to work.

*searching* Where's Riften Guard? I thought he would zip here! :rainbowhuh:

this has sheogorath all over it:rainbowlaugh:

Have it so that he just starts randomly patrolling the nearest town with no explanation.

Say he asks "Don't suppose you'd enchant my sword? Dull old blade can barely cut butter."

When someone tries to take his sword for enchanting, he interprets it as theft and tries to make an arrest.

1679929>>1680528 You guys care!

Anything that is fed the right amount of crazy is good to go on the road to success! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png

Nah, needs to have about 20% more cheese! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png

You know the lightbulb thingy that appears on someones head when they get an idea? It just happened. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

Quite strange, I was expecting you to be here first dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Also CAKE and PLOT for EVERYPONY!!! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png

1685415 Sorry, I slipped today. I'm a bad person. :ajsleepy:


That little caketavia made my heart explode with three different types of d'awww.

I could just imagine where this can go.
*Big Mac trots by, a mare beside him. He's clearly... Excited.*
"A guard might get nervous... A man approaches with his weapon drawn."

that guard here in equestria. WHAT HATH THEE DONE TO MAKE US LAUGH SO HARD:rainbowlaugh:

Note: Trixie's dialogue shouldn't be in italics if they're spoken aloud. If they're direct thought, then they shouldn't be in quotes.

Also, Discord's, not Discords.

Interesting premise, I'll give you that. And I suppose I might as well say what everyone's thinking - curious to see how you fit in the most beautiful of all Skyrim guard phrases, pertaining to pointy projectiles and regions between the calves and thighs.

I am the king of corny puns.:ajsmug:

And racist jokes.:trollestia:

And poker.:moustache:

Ever need any help with any of these three, let me know! :pinkiehappy:
But don't you dare challenge me to a poker game unless you have a lot of money to lose. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

yup, this'll be fun. kudo's to you good sir, here's a like, go get y'self somthin nice.


Hehe, sorry about that! :twilightsheepish: I'll fix it ASAP!


Ooooh! Shiny! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png Thanks for the like! I'll make sure to get me some milkshakes. There simply aren't enough boys mowing my lawn at the time... :ajsleepy:

Cake and plot... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png

Okay...so when's the next one coming?


Shhh! Don't break the silence of the comment section!

Also, you will haz to forgives me a bit on this. I have other stories and I'm on finals and I also got the headache of all things headaches, lasted for four whole days and I barely got out of it. Srry friend, I will try to have it out before tomorrow.

1679913 i have lost track of how many times lydia have said "a healing spell? are you a priest?"
everytime, man
everytime i pull out that heal other spell out of my ass she says that line.
its funny really, your more likely to spend more time with your followers or random traders than the guards of any town and yet the guards got more lines than pretty much anything in the game.

So much yes! Liked and faved, can't wait to see more!

this was in the game vanilla but scrapped at the last minute the rarity of its occerence varies with your copy

The really weird fact of the matter is that this is the most likely occurrence if a Guard landed in Equestria.

You see, The Elder Scrolls series is a computer game from an in-universe perspective, the world really does run on game mechanics, and main characters have the power of console commands.

Basically, what the Guards are limited to saying in the game is what they are actually limited to saying from the perspective of people in-universe.

(Most crossovers ignore this, but it's technically canon.)

goes into console commands,
clicks on skyrim guard,
gives all non aggressive dragon shouts

As our epic hero traverse the greatness of equestria, somewhere the Dragonborn returns to find the town falling apart, lollygagging has overrun the streets, and as he realizes his favourite guard is gone, he decides he will partake in his job.


The ending actually made me have a feeling in my chest.

We need some Skyrim music to go with this. Some of the more peaceful songs. Like this one:
Also: Have him meet Shining Armor next. Guard vs Guard.

Well. Go On.

You have my interest.

What will you do next to entertain us?

Have him meet a cyrodill guard on the way

I look forward to seeing just how far you can stretch this joke.

It doesn't look easy.

This is very silly.

Holy hell this was hilarious thx for the new chapter

This is a stroke of genius. :rainbowlaugh:

What other epic adventures will our humble guard be on next?


Oh you! :rainbowkiss: Got the bestest idea though, thanks!


:pinkiehappy: Indeed!


Oh! Um... Well I! I... Um... Fight scene? :twilightsheepish:


Oh man, it'd be interesting for sure but I ain't certain how that would work... I may pull something off like that though, no promises!


Hehe, sure ain't. But the only difficulty is the restrained dialogue, and the guards have a lot of that. I plan on using most if not all of it.


:rainbowkiss: Sure is!


:yay: Yay! :yay:


My pleasure :moustache:


:rainbowkiss: thanks! Glad you liked it :raritystarry:


"Wait... I know you!"



A fight scene?
Oh no no no... He took an arrow to the knee, it makes no sense.

Oh no my good author. I'm sure you could do better.

Unless... Hm. I suppose if he got into a fight with Photo Finish...


Nay worry not friend! That special line will have its place, but not in the near future. I have something special in mind for it. :pinkiecrazy:


Truly, it's been what? Nine weeks? More? :rainbowwild:

2040507 Many moons ago, when our ancestors still stalked the Great Plains.

Skyrim Guard/Luna OTP. :heart:

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