The Death Korps of Krieg, seeking atonement from their government's betrayal decades ago, they give their lives willingly in the everlasting fight against the enemies of the Imperium of Man. Averted by even their fellow Guard regiments, they show a high degree of fatalism and an unusual morbidity of habit. Yet they are highly disciplined, morally reliable and self-sufficient soldiers.
The 42nd Siege Regiment had been deployed on Kheltan III to reclaim a supply route that had been attacked by the Eldar. A simple enough task for the stoic men of Krieg. But an ion storm attack and an innocent experiment by an alicorn from another world can make even the easiest of tasks much more difficult.
A Warhammer 40K/MLP:FIM crossover
Chapters (7)
Interesting. I'll wait until a new chapter before favoriting, but looks good so far. Also, you may want to get a prereader. I've found a number of small errors and ways that would have improved your prose.
Not a bad start, I'll say. You did manage to capture some of the tone of the Death Korps. There were a few moments where you did a bit of "telling" us about them, however, rather than "showing." I think the Death Korps are actually one of the fascinating IG variants, and their callous disregard for human life is something that's very easy to "show." The Quartermaster is a good one, but there are other instances of exposition that could be better given as the characters' musings or details sprinkled in the action. And not necessarily all in the prologue, either. The creepyness of the Death Korps is the kind best cultivated over at least the first big chunk of the story.
I get the feeling you've read "Dead Men Walking." If not, it's right up your alley. Definitely look to that for a great taste of characters in and around the Korps.
Besides that, as boredhuman said, a few minor errors and patches of clunky prose. Reread it carefully, and out loud, and I think you'll be able to catch them.
Hm... marking to read later. Concept alone has me intrigued, but currently I lack the time to actually read it. Will do so when able.
2215807 English not being my main language, prereader might be a good idea. Only gotta find one now...
2216478 I didn't even realize that whole "telling" and "showing" thing, thanks for the tip. I'm planning on fattening the three main human characters more and more each chapter, trying some sort of character building. Though three characters might be a bit too much, especially for a novice like myself. I submitted the story around 2 am last night and had to wake up at 6 am, so I was kinda in a hurry.
And yes, I've read Dead Men Walking, though it's been a while, maybe I should read it again. I've also read Imperial Armour Vol. 5, The Siege of Vraks part one.
Thanks for the feeback, really appreciated!
the death korps of krieg in equestria this is going to be awesome all though i feel sorry for all the ponies the korpsmen are probaly going to kill
Holy crap this fanfic has massive promise to be truly amazing!
This story sounds like it's going to be really good. Can't wait to read more.
Have you ever read the Imperial Guard novel "Fifteen Hours" by Mitchel Scanlon? It's my personal I.G. favorite and I would recommend giving it a read if you need inspiration.
to me this sounds like the battle for equstria fic did that story inspired you or did you came up with this yourself? just curious