Luna
Skyrim Guard
The cold night air swept through the streets of Fillydelphia, chilling the passersby that remained outside after the sun had set. The moon shone in the sky above, illuminating the streets with its silvery glow as the ponies moved about hurriedly back to their homes. Fearful of the shadow that descended from the skies.
Ponies rushed to cover as the dark chariot touched the ground, the dark and mysterious guards pulling it glowered menacingly to any who would dare look upon their mistress as she exited the carriage. Dark and powerful it was, strong and mighty. The princess of the night touched the cobblestone road and looked around.
"Splendid, nothing has changed..." Luna sighed and lowered her ears as she was met with the frightened glances of a dozen ponies. She wanted nothing else than their love and respect, why could she not have it?
The dark mistress of the night turned to her faithful knights and nodded once, for nothing else was needed. Both stallions were as alienated from the world as she was, both were as lonely as she had been for millenia. Thoughts and feelings were easily exchanged but with a glance between outcasts.
The night guards nodded their reply and took to the skies, leaving their mistress to her duties while they returned to a lonely castle, cold and uninviting, full of those whom did nothing but judge and avoid them. Yet another night for the night guard.
The princess turned her gaze to the wheat fields beyond the city borders, noticing the burnt crops and the cloudless skies. The magical blast from earlier had cleared the skies better than any pegasus team could, and scorched the land with more ferocity than the mightiest dragon. It had been miraculous that nopony was hurt and now Luna was to investigate it's source.
The princess moved through the buildings till she reached the edge of town, expecting to find the source of the disturbance in the near surroundings. As far as their knowledge of the event went, some form of magical phenomenon obliterated the fields and grasslands. With nothing better to do, and wanting to regain the love of her subjects, the princess of the night decided to take upon the dangerous task herself.
Now there she was, wandering the open fields after leaving the buildings behind. Searching she was, for whatever creature was foolish enough to threaten her ponies. Because no matter, oh, no matter how horrid! How bestial, how hideous or deformed! It did not matter the amount of fangs, or claws, or-
"Staying safe I hope."
"Ah!"
Luna gasped and turned around as fast as her startled hooves would allow her. Her breath coming out ragged from the fright and adrenaline that coursed through her veins.
"WHO GOES THERE?!"
Luna stopped at the sight of something... something odd. She shook her head and stared. She simply, stared. The creature before her was as strange as could be, with armor from somewhere else far from Equestria, a body that resembled the ones of species not native to her home.
Most unsettling however, was the way he stared back. Empty and seemingly lacking in intelligence, the creature looked like a very contrasting piece of the scenery.
"Bit late to be wandering around, isn't it?"
The dark princess' horn was aglow and ready to strike should she be given the slightest excuse, she was ready and experienced in magical combat. But she wasn't trained to face a beast such as that.
"Everything alright?"
Her brow furrowed and her stance normalized, but her horn stayed prepared. The situation was, confusing, at best.
"WHO ART THOU? WHAT IS IT THOU SEEKED WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THIS OUR FAIR NATION!"
Luna intensified the glow of her horn and took a step forward.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch the magic!"
"GIVE US GOOD REASON!"
The strange being stared at Luna, in defiance, she could only guess. His gaze met hers and both looked at each other as if they were mortal foes. A battle would spark, of this she was certain. The beast against the goddess, a tale worth of remembrance and song!
"I need to ask you to stop. That... shouting... is making people nervous."
"Huh?"
"Heard about you and your honeyed words..."
---/\--- ( \0/ _\0/ ) ---/\---
Somewhere in the eastern city of Manehattan, amongst the tall buildings and small apartments. A lonely mare spat out her cereal as the cheesiest, most emotional, and one sided conversation unravelled.
---\/--- ( € _ € ) ---\/---
"A-and t-then s-she just banished me! J-just like that! I mean, what sister does that?!"
Our hero found himself laying down on the grass, in pretty much the same manner he would have been should he be standing. Rigid and oddly still. However, that was not the strangest sight by far, not at all.
With her head resting on his chest, tears falling down her face and sniffling uncontrollably, was the princess and sovereign, ruler and mistress of the night. Princess Luna.
"By the gods, I don't know what to say..."
"I know! I-I know! Who would ever do such a thing?!"
She broke down into another fit of weeping and wailing, letting the sadness and sentiment of a thousand years free after decades of holding them in. The emotions flowed freely and unabated, it continued until the early hours of the morning as she unleashed her frustrations into our hero's ears.
By the time she was supposed to end her night so her sister could commence her day, she stood and smiled at her confidant.
"We- I would would like to thank you, friend. For listening to me in my hour of need. Say, what is your name?"
"What is it?"
"Yes, your name. What is it?"
Luna chuckled lightly and nodded for her friend to continue. Such a silly creature.
Our hero thought long and hard about the question, just as he did with every single thing he ever did. One does not simply attack a man that can shout his enemies off a cliff because he stole a sweet roll without thinking about it, right?
"What are you doing that for?"
Luna frowned.
"Is it not customary for friends to exchange names in your homeland?"
"Everything alright?"
"Yes, yes of course. It's just, well, strange for me not to know a friend's name... I should probably get going however, I'll be needed back in Canterlot."
"No lollygaggin."
"Yes, of course. Farewell friend, I hope we meet again."
Luna unfolded her wings and departed, leaving a silvery trail behind her that lifted the dark skies and gave way to the orange dawn. Moments later, a yellow sun began to float upwards without a care in the world.
"Watch the skies, traveller."
Our hero turned around and walked away.
Only to stop in front of a generic tree, flex his muscles, and stand guard. This went on for the rest of the morning before he walked back to the spot he had originally been at before, and stood guard there for the rest of the day.
At night, he resumed his walk in search for the nearest town.
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As our epic hero traverse the greatness of equestria, somewhere the Dragonborn returns to find the town falling apart, lollygagging has overrun the streets, and as he realizes his favourite guard is gone, he decides he will partake in his job.
"NO LOLLYGAGGING FUS RO DAH!"
The ending actually made me have a feeling in my chest.
We need some Skyrim music to go with this. Some of the more peaceful songs. Like this one:
Also: Have him meet Shining Armor next. Guard vs Guard.
Well. Go On.
You have my interest.
What will you do next to entertain us?
Have him meet a cyrodill guard on the way
I look forward to seeing just how far you can stretch this joke.
It doesn't look easy.
This is very silly.
Yes...YES
Holy hell this was hilarious thx for the new chapter
This is a stroke of genius.
What other epic adventures will our humble guard be on next?
2039566
Oh you!
Got the bestest idea though, thanks!
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Oh! Um... Well I! I... Um... Fight scene?
2039627
Oh man, it'd be interesting for sure but I ain't certain how that would work... I may pull something off like that though, no promises!
2039664
Hehe, sure ain't. But the only difficulty is the restrained dialogue, and the guards have a lot of that. I plan on using most if not all of it.
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My pleasure
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"Wait... I know you!"
2040320
A fight scene?
Oh no no no... He took an arrow to the knee, it makes no sense.
Oh no my good author. I'm sure you could do better.
Unless... Hm. I suppose if he got into a fight with Photo Finish...
2040358
Nay worry not friend! That special line will have its place, but not in the near future. I have something special in mind for it.
'Bout time =P
2040484
Truly, it's been what? Nine weeks? More?
2040507 Many moons ago, when our ancestors still stalked the Great Plains.
Skyrim Guard/Luna OTP.
2040628
This story makes me giggle like a little schoolgirl. :) Was beginning to think that it'd never update, as well.
What a pleasant surprise to find this in the morning. I applaud you, sir.
Why is this the funniest piece of fiction ever? XD
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9pjokQNj01qzkmqd.gif
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Why not?
Also! That gif will haunt me for life 
Simply incredible.
Keep it up, Irongalley.
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Will do
You know, I forgot why I didn't click favourite for this yet
Now we just wait for somepony to start throwing muffins at the guard... or maybe even conjure a bed for him which he will almost most likely never use since he's like an amoeba zombie. Kill one and another takes it's place.
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i.imgur.com/kxlin.png
That is all.
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This is just gold. Nameless guard just do what he does best.
Being an NPC.
I wish that I found this story earlier hmmm.
>investigate it's source
._.
I have not laughed so hard in years. Everyone in the house is givin' me strange looks cuz' I'm slicin' through the silence with my obnoxious laughter. Anyways, good story! Enjoyed every bit of it!
GUARD Y U SO STUPID
I... CAn't... Breath!
This is hilarious, so glad I stumbled upon this fic
Haha!!! This is funnier than spamming E on guards that you can't speak to!(And to me, that's hilarious)
Edit: Anything about anything, I'll take my prize in metal :3
This is exactly what I thought it would be. Hilarious! !!
Then, a thousand years later, she has the elements used to kick Nightmare Moon out of you. She could have done that in the first place, but obviously she wanted to rule alone. She spent the thousand years you were gone turning opinions of you until everyone thinks of you as a monster lurking under their beds waiting to eat them.
3586974 For me, it's spamming X, and one day i'll be taking a city's population down a bit
2039566 Throw Voice would be better, Unrelenting Force plows people and animals. sitting at one end of Whiterun, you can mix "No lollygaggin'" with Throw Voice and it'll reach Dragonsreach easier, maybe even make it to Falkreah, Windhelm, or Dawnstar.
This was made for me
5095489 i can just imagine it!
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin."
"No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin.""No lollygaggin." "No lollygaggin.""No lollygaggin.""No lollygaggin."
MY bone! IT hurt! It fun! AHHH!
I freaking DIED.
This is freaking beautiful I love it!
Hahahah!
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I'd been expecting that line the second I saw that Luna was next. It only really could apply to her.
If only Luna knew she were dealing with an NPC.
I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took an arrow to the knee.
I'm so glad I held off on this series until now, it's such an amazing read.
And an experience.
🐉❤