31 - Delayed Reaction
"Spring, can we talk for a moment?" The mares in front of me blinked in unison. I sounded tired - I was tired - and that may have been affecting me a bit. Just a tad. From the semi-elation of 'not going to jail' to depression, distraction and dismay, I had felt just about every high and low barring romantic attachment. And the way I was feeling after that little hug-fest in the administrator's office, I wasn't entirely sure my body was following what my mind was telling it.
The mares shared a look.
"Alright ... Miss Rarity, would you please take a seat and we'll be back in a moment?" Spring asked gently, receiving a nod from the resident fashionista of Ponyville in reply. After Rarity had trotted over to Spring's couch - and grimaced at the state of it - Spring and I went over into an opposite corner for what passed as privacy in Ponyville.
"Spring, this isn't going to work." I jerked my head towards Rarity. Who was still trying to sit on Spring's couch without touching it, which would have been hilarious any other day. Spring opened her mouth but I held up a hoof. "Please, Spring. I'm tired. Tired of a lot of things. Pardon me if I'm blunt but Miss Prim Pants over there and I will not work out. I know this and even if I gave her a chance, just by me thinking that will put her at a disadvantage."
Spring had left her mouth partly open as I spoke and her jaw hinged further down as I continued.
"I'm sure she's a wonderful mare - she's an Element after all - but there's no way I can do this anymore." I looked at her and I must have looked awful because the counselor started to gnaw at her lower lip as she looked between me and Rarity. Who had given up on the couch and was now grimacing at the magazine I had left opened on the table from before the meeting. From the way her face had contorted I was guessing it was a few seasons out of style.
After gnawing away, Spring gave me one final brave look before deflating.
"Bruce, I'm running out of options." Spring's tone shifted drastically and I could hear the desperation. That caused me to do a double-take and my eyes stayed on her grim face. If I felt tired, she looked it. "I want - I need you nearby. Canterlot is packed to bursting, Trottingham's Ministry is a mess and I can't send you farther away without special dispensation. The fact you were found in Ponyville's boundaries works in our favor but if I run out of families willing to take you, I'll have to either find a free bed in Canterlot - which is going to be a miracle if it ever happens - or you'll end up in Trottingham."
She looked at me with a hard stare. "You do not want to end up in Trottingham."
"Holy balls, Spring." I was shocked, amazed, flabbergasted - every word in the thesaurus that could mean 'seriously fazed.' "You're almost talking to me like an adult."
"Bruce, I'm serious," Spring shook her head. She twitched at my word-choice but didn't say anything. Which meant this was a 'super serious' conversation. "I don't want you to disappear into the 'system' because of how delicate your situation is. I've got two options and one of them ... let's just say I'm going to be going over that mare's file soon."
I kept my eyes on her face as her words filtered into my mind. The Cakes were the best option I had and I blew it. Spring was desperately trying to help me find a place and ... I blew it. I looked down as an image of Mr. Cake walking through the hospital doors jumped to my mind. I blew it for a lot of ponies. A hoof brought my chin up and the tired and slightly blurry face of Spring - still smiling that gentle smile - filled my vision.
"Let's give Miss Rarity a chance, okay Bruce?" I looked down at the floor again, though this time in concentration. I had never been 'lost in the system' during my real youth ... despite how unhappy I had been back then, I knew that other kids had it much worse than I. But I'd heard stories and they still sent shivers up my spine. This mare was going out of her way for me and I had done nothing to help. I had done nothing but cause misery and strife. I heaved my own little sigh and nodded.
Rarity and I ended up sitting across from each other at the small coffee table in Spring's office as the pegasus herself completed the 'trifecta of coming catastrophe' a little off to the side. I had taken the nice cushy couch while Rarity was making gagging noises at some mare in what looked like spandex - that magazine was way out of date. She looked up in slight surprise when I cleared my throat and gave me the strangest look when I tried to smile hopefully at her. I don't think she got my message.
"Bruce, are you feeling well?" Rarity looked at Spring's quirked eyebrow and then back to my grinacing face. "Do you need to use the little colt's room?" I dropped the act.
"No, Miss Rarity. I was trying to do that whole 'smile' thing I've heard about but I don't think my face works that way." My statement caught both mares off guard and I swear to everything, Rarity managed to snort. Which caused her face to burst into a blush I could never duplicate even with paint.
"Ahem, Spring darling? Could I bother you for a bit of tea perhaps?" Rarity asked as she tried to cover her social faux pas with a bit of mane-fluffing. I bit my tongue, figuratively this time. No need to antagonize the mare that might be my last chance at contacting the Princess. Because let's face it, Rarity is one step closer to Twilight than I was before. After that little bit of primping - and Rarity had some tea floating in her aura field courtesy of Spring - there was a long and awkward silence.
Followed by a long and only slightly less awkward conversation.
"Bruce," Spring began, "you are not a bad colt." This sounded like a rehearsed script already. Spring continued despite the look of disbelief I gave her. "The Cakes just ... couldn't work with you. I'd like to work with you, I think Miss Rarity would like to work with you - but you need to work with us."
I put on my serious face and nodded. Spring nodded as well and I swore I could see Rarity trying to hide a smile behind her tea cup. Spring didn't notice my glance - taken as she was with shuffling a set of papers in front of her. She cleared her throat and sighed, looking back up at me with a 'stern gaze.' Or at least as stern as a candy colored pony can manage. I was a little less than intimidated. Though these ponies could be downright terrifying, Spring wasn't pulling it off very well.
"But there are some behaviors that we need changed," she glanced at Rarity before continuing. "We're here to help, Bruce. We want you to be happy. We want you to be healthy and cared for but we need you to listen to adults. We need to know where you are in case there's an accident. We need you to communicate with us and to do what we say - so long as it's within reason."
I gave her a blank look. Spring's wings shifted and I could see creases beginning to form on her forehead as I watched.
"'kay." Both mares blinked. "What?"
"That's it?" Rarity was the first to pipe up.
"What?" I looked between the two of them, baffled. Rarity's tea was momentarily forgotten for some reason and it met the tea-plate with a clink. "I may not remember all the time - I've been on my own for nearly twenty years guys."
They blinked again and I rolled my eyes at their antics. "Look, I'm not used to this whole 'suddenly being a kid again' schtick so there will be mistakes and all but so long as no one panics," I gave Spring a hard look and she grimaced at the implication, "or throws a drama queen fit," Rarity gasped and put a hoof to her chest in indignation, "so far I'm on board."
From the hard stare from Spring and Rarity's flattened ears, I knew something was wrong. But I had no idea what it might have been. "What?"
Spring cleared her throat again and pointedly looked at Rarity for some baffling reason. I could tell I had irritated her and Miss Prissy Pants - all the signs were there - but I was lost as to why.
"Bruce, what was your reaction to 'adoption?'" Spring asked. I blinked at her before flipping my ears down in embarrassment. I opened my muzzle ... but had nothing to say. Saying 'I'm a kid' doesn't cut it when you're no longer a kid. The pair of them looked at me for a moment before I let my anger deflate.
"You have a point," I grumbled. Spring nodded at that.
"Yes, well ... we'll work with you on correcting mistakes, Bruce. But please try." She nodded to Rarity and unceremoniously stacked the papers she had so lovingly spread out. I guessed they were some kind of 'foal-friendly' worksheets to make me 'see reason' or something.
"Bruce," Rarity began as Spring finished squirreling away her unused papers, "I'm more than happy to have you stay with me at my home but there are some rules you'll need to follow while you're there."
I suppressed a groan. Barely.
"- and finally, if you do invite a friend over, please be aware that all these rules will apply to them as well." Rarity ignored our looks of shock as she finally - finally! - ended her list. Fifty seven. Fifty seven 'Things Bruce is Not Allowed to Do or Must Do.' I know this because Rarity had produced a scroll with every single item listed in beautiful calligraphy. And they were numbered. Also in calligraphy. At least it was 'earth pony script' so I could read the stupid thing. Spring had a copy and Rarity had a third - and they were all hoof-made from what I could tell. How freakin' long did it take her to make these stupid things? And when?
"Uhm, Rarity?" Spring gave the smiling fashionista a fragile smile. "Don't you think that list is a bit ... long?"
"Whatever do you mean, Spring?"
"Item forty the first," I recited, "all plates are to be emptied of uneaten foodstuffs into the appropriate bins, rinsed, pre-soaked and placed in the appropriate wash basin for cleaning."
"Well, yes." She seemed confused. I was not - just horrified that Rarity was a crazy germaphobe. "We don't want the Boutique to smell of half-rotted vegetables."
"Pre-soaked? And you have different bins for ... why again?" I asked, calmly. Rarity huffed and started to tap a hoof as she listed them. I think this was the pony equivalent of counting on fingers.
I miss fingers.
"One is for daily-use items, one is for my special Crystal China and one is for my tea set." The way she said this made me seriously consider asking to go to Trottingham. Bad orphanages aside, at least I can deal with bullies and freaks. A unicorn that honestly thinks three 'bins' for dish washing duties is necessary might be a bit too much for me. I took a calming breath before I started on a rant about crazy ponies and Spring leapt on the opportunity to smooth things over.
"Perhaps we can narrow some of these down for Bruce, hmm?" Spring looked at Rarity with half-pleading eyes and the unicorn grimaced a bit. "A few of them seem to be duplicates."
"Well," the unicorn hemmed and hawed as she thought this over, "I can see some of them might seem like duplicates but there is a very good reason for that. I wanted to make sure-"
About this time, I pretty much zoned out. Not because the conversation was boring - it actually got a bit tense as both mares started to 'heatedly discuss' the relative merits of certain portions of Rarity's List and perhaps I should have added to the general chaos with my precocious ways. No, I zoned out because a memory resurfaced. A recent memory. One that didn't seem all that strange when it happened but, as I looked back at it, really struck a powerful chord in me. A cultural thing, if you will.
It was in the middle of one of Spring's 'points' that I slammed both hooves to the couch and shot into an upright sitting position causing both mares to jump in surprise at my sudden movement. But ears flattened at what happened next. I think my shout was heard throughout the hospital and though the words may have been lost, the anguish in it would forever haunt ponies as I screamed.
"Oh my god, my nose touched his junk!"
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Thats like every Saturday of mine ever.
That Ending LOLOL was priceless. On a side note, I highly doubt rarity is going to work out, them together just screams chaos with how high end of the opposite spectrum they are.
And now the chapter title makes sense!
I LOVE YOU.
BUT I CANNOT READ>
FOR I HAVE A PRESENTATION TO MAKE IN THE MORNING
AND I JUST STAYED UP WAY LATE MAKING SAID PRESENTATION BECAUSE FUCKING LAZYBONES TEAMMATES>
AND I ALSO JUST WROTE A PAPER WHILE WORKING ON PRESENTATION>
LITERALLLY TOO TIRET TO PICK MY FINGER UP OFF OF THE SHIFT KEY
I PROMISE TO READ DURING MATH CLASS TOMORROW?TODAY!
It's back. It's gonna be good. Man I can't see this going well. Hopefully they find some kind of balance though.
Loved it. Short and simple.
-Reader Out-
Poor Bruce... No one wants a stallions dick in your face.
Ooooh dear.
. . . Oh dear.
You peps are gonna like what's comin up~
TEAMTIMETRAVEL, HOOOOO!!
Great
I don't know why I like this so much, but I do. Thank you, Thank you for writing a story that has kept my interest.
4112528 I think the way the mare explained it, if Rarity does not work out then they boot him to somewhere else. So, basically this is it for him and he knows it. I think... I have no idea. This author has a way of changing things and stretching the story to eternity.
4112584 She had one other option she was going to look over before they had to boot him though. But still don't see him and rarity working out from there personalities, oooh wonder how he will deal with sweetie when she comes into the picture xD
4112589 He will scream at Sweetie when she tries to treat him like a sensitive 'colt', I remember from the beginning of the story he discovers the CMC say you should be nice to colts.
4112593 No no i mean how she they will react when she finds out that they will be living together , and yaaa that won't be good for his sanity at the least x3. Going to be hilarious though either way
4112601 It could be that SB only shows up at her sisters place every once in a while. Remember each chapter very rarely skips ahead in time so if SB is not at her sisters place for that day (chapter) then she might not show up at all. Yes, she is a main character but that does not mean she lives there. Or was that established that she does in this story?
wait...whose junk? I don't wanna read back and I forgot!
4112607 Actually now that I think about it, I'm not sure. We will know soon enough though. Fun chatting with you though!
Oh Luna.. that ending!
I'm crying with laughter!!
4112613
Mr. Cake. When he was trying to 'comfort' Bruce after the breakdown in the bathroom.
Ah yes, the return of Funny Bruce the fifth. A lineage thought to have been lost in the lengthy swamp of dark exposition, existential crisis's, brooding, angst, broken glass, awkward incest, half assed psychological profiling, the true events behind the show, poorly written poetry, acoustic guitars, black hair dye, and Lincoln Park and My Chemical Romance albums. Truly, Bruce shouting about nose to junk touching, is the sign that the story will once again, be humerus, as we can expect to see a stiff, no nonsense Rarity, trying to deal with the poor mouthed, ruffian, Bruce, in situations that can summed up has 'hilarity ensues'. Truly, we can expect great things to come to pass.
4112613 Mr. Cakes'...
They hoped to calm Bruce by putting him In between his legs like a foal nursing 
Wooo, and what a glorious return it was.
We've had highs and we've had lows. An interesting journey for sure but the horizon speaks of great unrest and horror. I felt a great disturbance in the Fashion, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.
The best way to convince people your an adult is to prove you can take care of yourself like an adult.
You don't want to go to Trottingham, that's where Pipsqueak came from!
Ah, post-dramatic-stress-disorder. What would our stories be without you?
(Isn't that supposed to be "traumatic"?)
I know what I said.
I didn't quite understand this passage at first, especially the part highlighted. It took me a minute, but I think it's referencing what Bruce said a few paragraphs up, that he had panicked and had a drama queen fit himself. Is that correct?
I think you mean to say something along the lines of:
Am I right?
Those small confusions aside, I enjoyed the chapter.
4112622
4112607
The author said in a comment I read recently that in this story Sweetie Belle lives with her parents in Ponyville but spends so much time at Rarity's that she has her own room. Of course, the author could still change his mind about it, since it hasn't been written in yet. I don't remember it being written in anyway.
4112800 Ohhh okay then! thanks for the info
I give it I had some moments in this chapter when I barely contained my laughter, but this!
This made me die several times of laughter!!!!
I think if that continues I'm going to rererereread this story into oblivion. Yes I can do that.
Now I'm a ghost of I don't know how many died ghosts from a human body.
Damn man! I'm seriously breaking down right now.
If you hear laughter mixed with cries of pain that's me laughing too hard in Cologne.
I justlove your story. I always want more and more and more, but you are only so fast and I'm anticipating the new chapter even now that I'm just a minute through this one.
What have you done!?
Dragon
Damn Bruce you are a slob. Don't you know that food waste with a lot of protein and fat and sugar has to be treated differently from vegetable waste, and that different from spoiled preserved food? If you get them mixed up you'll have a horrible time composting it as the salt and preservatives kill off the less smelly decomposition organisms and the fat and sugar attracts rodents. And that's to say nothing of extremely fibrous stuff like corn cobs and cinnamon sticks. There are like 6 places I have to put food waste, one for vegetable scraps, one for meats and non-biodegradable stuff, one for recyclables, one for prepared food full of salt and preserves, and one for dishcloths, napkins, and washable things. I realize ponies have a less varied diet than humans, and have not entered the age of plastics, but that should leave you with less work to clean up, not more.
Such a slobbb
You were what?
4112777 I dimly remember that some earlier chapter had adoption as topic. Namely Bruce being adopted by the Cakes. Bruce didn't react well to this thought.
4112746 Yep, and we all know he jumped on the first chance to get the fuck out!
4112863
... GTFO.
4112902 Now that you mention it, I sort of remember that too, but not for sure.
I really need to read over. I googled to find an audio reading but none turned up. I have a decent text-to-speech program I might try, but it would suck all the emotion out of it.
Too bad I don't have a good mic and live with people that would look at me weird, or I would do a reading myself. 
4112551
Except some mares, gay stallions, and bisexual ponies.
Don't be so strictly absolute, it's almost never useful.
I look forward to the next chapter with great anticipation. I hope they get a bit beefier in the future, these chapters are a bit on the light-reading side, though they are quite good. If it doesn't conflict with the flow, please enhance your chapter length, is what I'm saying.
This story is kind of going nowhere
that last line oh my god
4112551
Pfff. Says you.
4112551 I DOOOOOO!
There are only two ways to react to this.
On another note, I liked this chapter because things seemed a bit calmer than the story has been so far, Bruce actually seemed to connect with Spring and is willing to co-operate a bit with her and Rarity.
I have but one question...
Why the hell does this story not have a TVTropes page yet?! If anything, it more than deserves one.
4112959
And so very quickly at that...
My prayers have been answered!
Don't listen to what anyone has to say, your story is one of the best and a few can match your characters those who complain and judge are just fools who only pull off safe bets (if even that) instead of doing anything that has I don't know a character that isn't a generic fool?
(I make no names)
Gentle breeze guide your path, a warm smile welcome your return.
There are things you don't just shout to the top of your lungs in a hospital. Bruce did you forget to think? Again?
Short as this chapter was, I'm glad that the story updated again and that the chapter had such a hilarious ending.
baring romantic attachment => barring romantic attachment
the resident fashionista = the lavender unicorn, not that that is necessarily bad, just be aware of it
"for what passed as privacy in Ponyville"
I like short chapter updates, so thanks! If an update is under 4000 words I'll probably read it right away; if it's over 10,000, I'll put it off and never get around to it unless I'm really into the story already.
By this point in the story, I'd like more understanding of which direction the story might be going, whether it's "Bruce finds his place in Ponyville", "How will Bruce get home?", or something else. Mentioning Twilight again hints at the second. You've got a protagonist who has two unrelated goals at the same time, and that's tricky. All suspense about whether Bruce can get back home has faded away now due to inattention, which makes re-introducing that goal a little harder.
So what does being "lost in the system" mean? They make a big deal about it, and it certainly sounds unpleasant. But I really have no idea what that actually entails.
4113340 from what i can tell it means to be lost in a the database that holds names and become impossible to find again, like that one story you like but forget the name of.
4113257 you can't just stop when you've already started.