• Member Since 16th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 17th, 2022


The High Pope of Antagonistic Advocacy


Have you ever woken up somewhere you don't recognize? I have, once before. This time was not all that different. Headache? Check. Dry mouth? Check. Upset stomach? Check. Hooves? Uhm, that one is new.

Hi, I'm Bruce and I'm 32. Currently, I'm in a light blue Earth Pony foal's body no one has ever seen before. The rest of Equestria thinks I'm 9 and something really traumatic happened to me. It doesn't help I swear like a sailor and I could really go for a smoke right about now. I just hope that the Everfree Forest, rampaging monstrosities, evil dark abominations against God and the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't kill me before I have just one last drag.

Oh, and ponies are hella creepy when you really think about it. Geez.

A little comedy side project. EDIT: HAHA Main project. More characters to be added if I get that far. Categories might be refined as I write. Entire thing is unplanned except vaguely. Don't Expect excessive cursing to be written out, just hinted at. Oh, and as the character is a 30-ish year old in the body of a 9 year old, sexual jokes might exists but sex itself will not occur.

Special thanks to user Momomojito for the awesome-tastic picture! First fanart, I'm so HAPPY. I've gotten more since then! I should collect it all here. Collected!

Chapters (43)
Comments ( 6242 )

Dah, is okay. Problem is: HIE. Expect people with less remorse to downvote the fuck outta yer story.

845048 Unlike me? It's my specialty. I'll look at it.

EDIT: Well, there are no Walls of text, no glaring grammar issues, might be going a little fast for my taste (Reason below) but so far, it's a decent story. Might not catch too much attention, but I enjoy what character I'm following so far.

Of course, I never really cared for the whole "Turned into a pony" thing, I'll let this one slide. I hope, though, that later in the story, the reasoning behind his existence and transformation is BELIEVABLE.

Seriously, better not be "Oh, I just died and went there," or "I was dragged into a random portal! By Twilight Sparkle! On Accident!" Remember: In order to make this WORK, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, must be believable. Whether it would Be Discord wanting a quick laugh, or some other witty remark.

I'll follow this along, and see where it goes.

845079 And done. My small thoughts are up top.

I'll give it a chance, it;s not mind-breaking, but so far, it's charming in a sense.

Great start:pinkiehappy:, Like how he keeps using his real name. And when you think about it the Ponies would look real scary if seen in real life with those proportions.

Can't wait to see where this goes.

Unless he's been eating worms, his breath is bated, not baited.

I apologize for the lateness of my reply, I was at work and could not respond.

An attempt at human scientific teleportation rips the 'weave' of our universe, spilling into the Void. As nothing can exist therein - not even time - it in effect creates a tunnel to Equestria, bridging the way ... no, not really. I haven't the foggiest as yet. It's definitely not 'oh hey heaven' nor will it be Twilight's mismanagement of her own abilities. I'd like to think Celestia's teaching is more comprehensive than that. And as for the speed, well, this is 'random douche in Equestria.' I'm not going for any extreme moodiness nor in-depth look at the whys and wherefores of the land. It's meant to be lighthearted. A test, if you will, of my own ability. I'm failing but then again, I failed many classes in high school as well, so eh.

"It's Bruce! Bruce! Not 'Lightfoot von Horseapple' you thick - OW, That's my ear! Stop yanking, you jerk!"

Well, while drunk I personally have been known to be ... experimental in my own cuisine so maybe he has? Not really, thank you for pointing that out.

Jeez, Min, it's been forever since I saw a new bit from you. Awesome to see a new story. Been forever since i saw a good HiE. Looking forward to it. Get back to ya tomorrow.

Did you look at this pic and say, "hey I could make a story about this and cause nightmares for small children at the same time!"


Did you ask your parent's permission before getting on the internet? Also, I've never seen that picture in my life. That is horrifying.

Eh, I've been writing things. Just nothing presentable.

Yes I called them across country, just to get there permission to use the internet....

Edit: (dammit now I'm sounding all butthurt) :fluttercry: I have an unatrally high voice for someone my age it just gets to me sometimes lol) anyway its a great start, going for the uncanny valley approach I haven't seen that done, I hope to see more soon :ajsmug:

Oh, sorry. I was implying it gave you nightmares or something. It was funny in my head, less so in text format. Quite like this story! Ah well. Didn't mean to offend. I just don't know what went wrong. Actually, I do know what went wrong. I opened my mouth.

847238 ah. I know that feel. Though it's less presentability, more "EVERYTING MUST BE IN ZE PERFECT PLACE!" so I've been editing everything, not to mention reviewing stuff. More specifically, as of last night, your stuff. So here's the review I wrote.
I. Fucking. Lol-ed. SO DAMN FUNNY! When he started swearing, it was absolutely PRICELESS! Watching this fic like a psycho stalker. :pinkiecrazy: 
Damn. That was REALLY GOOD. Simple premise, simple motivations. I liked it. Naturally I'm used to expansive, 20-part, interconnected fics with around 50 k plus words in them... But this one will do too...
Anyway, since my comment is unnaturally short, considering I usually drop off an essay, I've decided to give you a taste of my rhymes. Mostly because I'm bored, but also because I want to put off writing the story that has plagued me for 3 weeks. So here it is:
I've read every fic you have, though they are not many
So here are my thoughts, you needn't pay a penny
I've seen only one more fic about a potty mouth child
I read "of insults" by RavensDagger, isn't that wild?
It looks like the story is going well, see what you do
I'll be anxiously looking forward to "old again" part two.
I hope I have not bored you with my little rhyme
It looks, sadly, as though I'm all out of time.
*gracious bow*

847238 Agreed. If I were to wake up in a bed in some other world and saw that looking at me, they would need new sheets. On the other hand, I now have something to terrorize my neighbor with. img.ponibooru.org/_images/ad66e996a38fe841faeab3011be4215e/158663%20-%20Adventure_Time%20animated%20animation%20Artist%3ACuppaTease%20celestia%20creepy%20Molestia%20Princess_molestia.gif

... you're exuberant. Thanks for reading! I have no idea what that 'Of Insults' thing is, is it any good?

All you pic posters need to stop making me want to change the fic pic. I'd post the one with the Apple family eating meat but, uh, it's too far removed from the tone I'm going for. Less 'Mountains of Madness' and more 'Molehills of Slight Discomfort.'

And to all those who fav'd and watched, uhm, thanks. I had no idea this, of all things, would be my most watched fic. Gives me impetus to continue, I s'pose.

852104 it's about Pipsqueak getting his cutie mark, which represents making people cry. it's a really good foray into emotion. give it a rea if you have any time...
and as for exuberant, yes i am. i like to think of myself as the best of Pinkie and Fluttershy. very meek with peoplei don't know, but with people i do know, i'm the prime party animal... oh, and on the internet, because there's no awkward face to face intorduction. lol.

Oh, wait, I did read that. A bit, uhm, 'too removed from the show's tone in a canon character' for me to truly enjoy. Had it been an outsider with a more grim outlook on life, it would have been 'better' but not as funny so there's the trade off innit. Eh, it was silly for the sake of silly, so I didn't thumb down. Course, I rarely thumb up. I'm thumbless, already halfway to pony state. Oh god, make it stop! Get that needle away from me!

Huh? Why? What? Oh, uhm ... yeah, that wasn't meant seriously. Uhm, sorry. Didn't mean to insult, I was trying to be funny. Again, I failed. Sorry.

852155 yeah, it's pretty good. for me, canon goes out the window, except for personalities, and i always saw pipsqueak as the humble kid that the bullies always push around. in this case, he got backed up into a corner, snapped, and bit their heads off. I've seen this. although in THAT case, he broke a few bones... of theirs... YEESH.
anyway, it was pretty silly, but i like silly. actually, i like anything, assuming it's done right...

852155 Ah. Understood.On a side-note I DO fully intend to try to blow that picture up and make my neighbor (who happens to be a slightly younger cousin of mine) scared of Celestia. Or at least scared of his bathroom.

I really just finished the first chapter. Immediately there is an update.

Well. leaving this here until I finish, and can give feedback.

Very interesting overall. I think you were trying a bit too hard to be funny in your descriptions. The whole "creepy" thing is really interesting too. I am looking forward to seeing more.

Also, (generally a complement) it ended to soon!

Curious... do you actually go to poly (IE in long beach?)

There is more than one polytechnic, my friend. I was thinking of Southern Polytechnic University, actually, in Georgia. That's wife's alma mater.

Laughed a lot due to this chapter.
A little colt asking for a smoke :rainbowlaugh:

AWSOME chapter!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:
Literally can't get enough here my friend. Can't wait for the next update.
And it's nice to see a new take on HiE, hope that Bruce can cope.
Aaaand here's how the ponies pick stuff up despite all logic and laws of physics Secret to pony grip, at least thats how i currently think of it.:twilightsmile:

I'm looking forward to seeing how he deals with his cravings, as well as what they do when he outs himself as a non-pony.
It's not gonna be pretty, but it will be HILARIOUS!:pinkiehappy::yay:

Kinda reminds me of the manga Ichinensei ni Nattara. A high school student is hit by a bus, saving a little girl, and dying in the process. He is brought back by a mad scientist. In the body of a 1st grade girl.

You hear that sound, Bruce? That's the sound of you digging your own metaphorical grave.




One of the best Brony-in-Equestria tales I've seen. There's no way someone would really be ready to handle a change like this gracefully and this is as graceless as it comes. :)

Just noticed one tiny glitch, "near dangerous locals" should be "near dangerous locales".

"I'm trying to flip you off but it's not very effective without fingers."
I you just made me love this fic even more, i thought that would be impossible but looks like you've done the impossible. :rainbowkiss:

This... this story right here is a fun story... and I LOVE fun story's!:pinkiehappy:

Keep it up man I'm loving this!:twilightsmile:

"I'm trying to flip you off but it's not very effective without fingers."
If I ever become a double-amputee that is a line I bet I will have to use all the time.

Trying to flip off people without fingers. The ultimate cunnundrum.

Hahahahah I'd have to admit it. Never thought I could laugh at an event in a story.
I was wrongXD

Keep it up; I can't stop laughing. :rainbowlaugh:

Will be back later to write a review;)

"I'm trying to flip you off but it's not very effective without fingers." HAH! :rainbowlaugh:

I was right! The reaction to his demands for smokes is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:
Can't wait for more.

O, and "I'm trying to flip you off but it's not very effective without fingers.", officially the best line of the past 2 months.

This story is GOLDEN!
I was laughing all the way through it! :rainbowlaugh:

I agree, best.line.ever!

Words can't describe how much i love this. I will set up an alter in your honor in my home.

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