"Bruce?"
"Yeah Rarity?"
"How ... what ..." She waved a hoof toward the smouldering ruin that was Willy Wonka's Palace of Earthy Delights. A group of pegasi doused the husk with another raincloud, making a cloud of steam and ash billow slowly into the air. The crowd of ponies were kept a decent distance back by their own fear but their murmuring almost drowned out the shouts as a guard tried to keep the mob away from the blackened store front. I shrugged, my face blank.
"I have no idea."
An hour earlier...
Row and rows of toys.
Toys everywhere.
Did I mention the toys?
Willy, Rarity and I - yes, Willy was his real name, I double checked - walked among the oddly shaped and spaced and yet eerily tidy aisles of toys for what felt like months. Each aisle was clearly marked in that unreadable unicorn nonsense but it didn't take a genius to tell what was on the shelves. Every so often, Willy would pull something from the shelves and explain exactly what it was and what it did. From unicorn hoverballs to lifelike plush Princess dolls - with wavy manes even. Felt like static when I passed my hoof through.
Poor guy was getting desperate. He even brought me down the 'foals toys' section.
"I don't understand," Willy's mane was getting frazzled, "I have never had a foal turn their nose up at so many toys."
"I'm just not big into toys." Another aisle of dolls. No, wait. It was the same one we had gone down ten minutes previously. "I mean, even your video games are all these massive arcade cabinets."
"Bruce," Rarity's voice had taken on a pleading tone as the minutes slipped away. I guessed she hadn't figured on me taking so long, "is there anything at all that you're interested in?"
"Why is this a big thing? I'm not into it, let's get out of here." I lifted one leg to turn back toward the entrance when Willy rounded on me with the most manic of smiles. My turn was changed into a startled scramble back from the wild-looking stallion. Even Rarity took a hesitant step back, her ears flat against her skull.
"I have NEVER had a foal leave my store without something to show for it!" Imagine Willy Wonka with a Joker smile - yeah. "And I refuse to have it happen now."
With that, Rarity and I were grabbed at the withers and yanked bodily into ... a back warehouse-esque area. And Willy was between us and the exit. not the best place to be as he had a mental break down. Despite our terror-filled faces, Willy started to run around the storeroom and thrusting things at me. Toys! Foal toys, stop it!
"Hoop? No, what about the hoverball- no horn. Okay, glider? Kitchen set? Canterlot Guard - no, colt. Think colt toys Willy. Dress-up dolls? The My Little Foal Exclusive? Princess dolls? A bear? Toy drum set? A fiddle? What about-" Each thing was thrust under my nose only to have it yank away and thrown into a growing pile of bits and bobs. I even saw one or two things that might have interested me as decor but by this point Willy had lost his mind. Everything was assumed to have failed in some way. The pile grew. Willy's octave grew as well.
"- alchemy set, My First Experiment limited edition boxed set, Princess Celestia's Official Enchanter's Kit, The World of Magic curiosity kit, the-"
And then the pile began smoking. Rarity's eyes shrunk to pinpricks as the flames became rather pronounced rather quickly, fed by not only stuffed toys but also the unidentifiable mixtures from the science sets now tossed haphazardly in the flames.
"Willy ..."
"-limited edition Crystal Empire Crystal Ewe doll-"
"Willy?" Both Rarity and I backed a bit away from the rambling and manic stallion though only Rarity found the voice to say anything. By this point, whatever was in the pile had become a lost cause and I think I heard a stallion scream in the background. I was rather warm in my vest. I'm trying to say the fire had pretty much gone passed the 'cheery' part of fire and right into the 'terrifying' part.
"-Discord plush, a half-sized house playset-"
"Willy!" Rarity shouted, her voice filled with unmitigated terror. I, on the other hoof, was a beacon of manly stabil-I peed myself.
"Miss Rarity, please do not interrupt a stallion while he is working." Willy gave Rarity the stink-eye for a half second before his nose twitched and he sniffed a few times. "Does anypony smell something burning?"
Rarity was detained for a few minutes as some official looking Guard asked her a ton of questions. And I was watched by a hawk-eyed Guard myself. After asking about Willy, the Guard shook her head just slightly.
Not every story in Ponyville ends in a good way I guess ...
Booh!
*grumble* Figures... *grumble* But you're a still a Luna-damned tease.
This exact same thing happened to me in a toy store once.
Hey this works I accept this a cannon.
You should have taken the alchemy set Bruce. Learn some potions, work your way up to age potions...
.... it should be canon
That was actually a vary satisfying ending for that store.
Yes, I can easily see this as canon.
So are you actually continuing this?
...After about 6 months of waiting for a new chapter, you come here, and give us a half-arsed April's Fool chapter.
If you can crap out this chapter for April's Fool, you sure as hell can crap out a real chapter, or at least tell us when we can expect a new chapter.
I am just disappointed, frankly.
Don't just put up a joke chapter!! Continue the story!! Ugh, I freakin' hate this holiday.
5810671
Couldn't agree more. I don't mind the half-asses jokes, but doing that after six months of sitting on your ass and producing nothing is insulting to everyone who kept following you and waiting for an update.
Yes! New chapter!
*Looks at the length and remembers it's April Fools*
This is now canon - whether you like it or not.
5810671
Actually, this was attempt ... 3 at this chapter. I was in a rut and really pissed off I couldn't write anything for (at the time) four months so I wrote this out in a fit of ... well, pique. Looking back at it, I decided I didn't like how it was working out - not only from the standpoint of Willy and his untimely demise but it wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be as well as lacking a definitive 'flow' into the next scene. The Guards being involved also was a bit 'off' with an upcoming plan I have involving them and a few other characters whose names would spoil the plan.
Looking at the April Fools bullshit going around (like 5810677 I don't really like this holiday) I thought putting out SOMETHING by this point (even a tease and/or joke) was better than nothing.
Jokes on me I guess.
EDIT: FUCK, I might MAKE this the next actual chapter seeing as how liked it is in canon ...
Ah, cutie mark failure-induced insanity. A largely forgotten aspect of Season 1, but still something I love to see, even if it's in a joke update. And as has been noted, I wouldn't be surprised if this were actually canon.
DOCTOR!!
Yes?!
The patient that we sent to the morgue....his....he has a pulse... Somehow he came back to life.
B-but that's impossible how could such a thing happen.
He-he said he finally got a new chapter, we still aren't exactly sure what he meant by that, he also told us that his time is limited, again we still have no idea wht he meant.
I suggest keeping a close eye on him. Whoever this "mr.oh to be old again" is he might just make a healthy recover if even a slow one.
5810724
Well at least you gave an explanation despite my harsh tone. I too just about hate this holiday, and unluckily you happened to be the final straw in a day dedicated to trolling and letting people down.
Still, if nothing else this proves you haven't suffered a fatal heart-attack or something. Still wishing for a new chapter though.
...what?
This should be canon.
For a "non-canon" chapter, it works really well as a canon. Though, I'm wondering if you are actually planning to continue this story. I was under the impression you had given up on it.
5810609 BOOM
Headshot.
5810671 Your GOD DAMN RIGHT HE CAN
5810724
I might be alone in this, but I think it's too ridiculous to be anything but a joke chapter.
5810724
Keep up the good story telling, it is your story after all. It wouldn't have been liked by so many if you weren't doing something right with the way you envisioned it, so don't feel pressured about making this chapter cannon one way or another.
Though I would imagine that Bruce is cognizant enough to, at one point or another, accept the gesture of being offered a toy and just pick one (even if he doesnt ever play with it.)
Well, so long as Bruce doesn't ask Mr. Willy for any adult oriented toys. Yeah, probably best to just not even go there...
Even if it's a April fools chapter, is a good chapter... Now, to wait until the next year for the next update
Erm, if it does become canon, can Willie not die? That's not something that any of the characters will be able to brush off and move on from easily, and I don't want this story to get into an even worse rut.
5810724 Loose the death at the end and there would be nothing about it that strays from the normal tone of this story.
5810671
Wow, dude, chill with the hostility.
This would So be me if I was a foal in Equestria.
Replace "store" with "Applebee's", and replace "toys" with "food" and this is pretty much how my last relationship ended.
I figured this was probably AF, and since I really don't care much about schedules in most cases it didn't bother me, but if you do convert this back to canon (since it seems it was originally written to be canon before it didn't work out...) I'd suggest not making it quite so ... permanent. Not just Willy kicking the bucket, but the fire spreading that quickly and thoroughly.
And, of course, thematically, having some awful disaster not caused almost entirely by Bruce's emotional instability and unfamiliarity with Equestria would be extremely strange in this story!
Anyway, happy April Fools, and I'll look forward to reading the real next chapter!
Hey story writers. Do you ever notice how much easier it is to write an April fools chapter then a normal one? It's because you aren't fretting over some vaguely perceived sense of perfectionist quality and just get on with it.
... Eh. WTF Mate?
IT'S ALI- err... half alive?
anyway no sweat. if you're having trouble with the willy toy shop disaster part why not just skip it for now and maybe go in from a flashback later?
>New update on April 1st
Pleeaassee don't be a joke...
I found it to be a pretty funny chapter.
Some of the toys sounded interesting, actually. Especially those last few ones that were called (alchemy and magic curiosity kits). Were there no board games?
5810621
With his luck he'd get puberty with all the drawbacks and stay small.
I want a Discord plush now. Thanks.
5810671 writing ain't easy fam, he does this for free (the right price) so you can't complain. If its that bad just read Fo:E or something.
The first few seconds/ repeat
MUTHAF*****G APRIL F*****G FOOLS F*****G CHAPTER F**KEREt Tu, Minalkra.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Ok, good, that's a start... now why won't you get back and treat us to a real chapter?
5811494
Something like that. I've heard a variety of reasons why. My personal favorite was the one where our dear Captain went through a test that left him bleeding from the eyes, noes, and ears, and when they went to check the data captured, they found nothing. When they ran through all of the sensors, they found that they had been installed backward.
5810750
It's all good, man. I figure if you're that upset about this not being a real chapter, it means you really like the story. I mean, let's face it - you ain't here to see me.
A NOTE TO ALL:
NO, this ain't what happens. Despite me wanting to burn down the place, I'll make it work!
... somehow ...
As Rainbow Dash would say:
So...AWESOME!!!
5811678 im going to fucking stab you. god thats going to become a 3d anamation now
Burn baby burn.
5811678
I kind of like this, though.
Why not keep it semi-canon, but only as a musing of Bruce's, as he contemplates Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome and how it'd pan out in this particular instance?
I still need to put out a chapter for my stories that are still active...
5811678 Just about lost my shit when I saw that this updated. Forgot what day it was.
I can't believe I've already gotten to the end of the story so far....
I literally started reading this at like 5:00.
Also, this would have made a hilarious ending except for Willy, you know... Kicking it. Bit April fools haha.
This is canon. For a different universe though. A story where Bruce meet strangers and die horribly sounds wonderfully morbid.