19 - Frilly Socks Part 1
"What are you wearing?" My mouth, freed by shock, blurted the first thing that came to mind as the twins trotted down the steps - I was envious of that ability - smiling at the thought of a day out and away from the bakery. I guess. Or the thought of my sweet, succulent pony-flesh but let's be more optimistic. Cause things have been turning out so well so far, right? In a strange inverse of a normal situation, Pumpkin - the yellow-ish unicorn filly - was buck naked and that was the most normal thing about the two.
Pound, on the other hoof, was wearing what I could only describe as the most lacy, frilly and god-awful get-up imaginable. Lacy blue socks with floral patterns, some kind of blue and yellow saddle (Seriously, why? Who is going to RIDE you?) with too many little frilly designs and a ... thing on his head. That thing. That thing was vaguely reminiscent of a Southern Belle's racing hat but taken to an extreme unheard of in mortal lives. Flowers, feathers, frills and even more lace than all the other stuff on him combined. Mr. Cake grimaced slightly and I couldn't blame him in the slightest. If had ever come down the steps in that get-up, I'd have been laughed out of the room by my oh-so-caring family. And probably helped into a noose.
"Oh Pound, you know you're not supposed to wear your new saddle until the first day of school." Ah, yes, the whole gender-inverse thing. Forgot for a second. Least it should be easy to deal with, right? I facehooved as Pound frowned and turned his gigantic eyes on his father. Puppy dog eyes, quivering lips and the slightest hint of a tear. Oh man. "No, Pound. You go put those back. You can wear the purple one if you want but you can't play in the sandbox if you're dressed."
Wow. Wow, that is just ... how do you handle something like that? From 'Bruce, put your pants back on this instant!' to 'You can't do anything if you have a scarf near you.' It's been years since I was yelled at for pulling my pants off at a park. Well, except that one time but I was really drunk. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
Once Pound had returned, a less frilly saddle in place of his 'school clothes' and a slightly unhappy frown where his smile once was, we were herded out into the common area and into a commotion of noise and motion. Ponies. Ponies sitting at the few tables eating and drinking, ponies in a line at the counter, ponies chatting excitedly with their friends. Ponies. Ponies living their joyous lives. And here I was, stuck in a foals body light years or dimensions from home. I groaned at the lovely tricks life likes to play on me.
Pinkie, her mane still a bit straighter than normal, was ma-mareing the counter while I could hear the whistling of somepony in the kitchen. Mrs. Cake, presumably. Mr. Cake waved at the depressed pink party mare as we left, her face struggling to form a smile in return. I caught her eyes once just before I was pushed out the door and sheepishly offered a smile but she quickly turned her head. That hurt a bit but I didn't blame her.
After we wandered far enough from the bakery that the crowd thinned out, Mr. Cake and the twins settled into a nice, gentle pace with me trudging along behind. He would occasionally look back and try to get me into a conversation - when he wasn't trying to corral the kids - but I only grunted at him. I had a lot on my mind. It helped that the twins were so excited that they were trying to weave in and out of his hooves as he walked, peppering him with requests and questions. I tuned their antics out and focused on my thoughts and the ground at my hooves.
Why was I doing this? Why was I trotting down a dirt road in a fantasy pony land after my foster father and siblings instead of struggling to get home? The obvious answer was, of course, the fact that I was smaller than anypony. If I ran, they'd find me and probably put me in a much more confined home with even less of a chance of getting away. With soap. But there was something more. I was having a hard time focusing, a hard time keeping my wits about me. I've always been a bit of a panicky guy. I can't handle change very well. This was different. This was -
A face full of tail. After spitting out Mr. Cakes tail hairs and trying to glare his friendly grin away, I noticed that what few crowds were around had all but vanished. It almost seemed like we were outside of Ponyville itself. Rolling hills of vibrant green grass with small groups of ponies scattered about. Bird song filled the air, enough to be noticeable but not enough to drown out conversation. Clean air that smelled of flowers and the few stately oaks that dotted the idyllic landscape. It was pretty.
"Now foals, I want you to stay within -," the twins took off, yelling and laughing as they ran, "sight distance." Mr. Cake frowned after lamely finishing his sentence. Heh, kids. Filthy, backstabbing kids! Leave me with this man-woman will you? "Well, Bruce, just you and me huh?"
"Uh, um." Trying not to vocalize my thoughts on his spawn was hard. I whipped my head around the park, trying to find the easiest escape route before he started crying or something. Yeah, never had great success with human women, pony men-women-stallions were going to be worse. At my terrified searching he rolled his eyes and huffed.
"Bruce, I have to go make sure those two don't get into anything. Can you stay nearby?" With a pat on my head, he turned and headed off towards one of the hills. It looked to have a good overview of the entire park. He looked over his shoulder and called out one last thing as he trotted away. "Just remember to keep me in sight ok?"
"Really? Really? You're just going to leave me to my own ...?" I asked in the most confused tone I could manage. He didn't seem to hear me and within seconds, I was left alone, standing in the middle of rolling hills with birds whizzing by and groups of very happy ponies sitting around talking about ... stuff. I could go out there and try to join in the foal games, be a good little colt and try to integrate. Work slowly on gaining their trust and eventually get them to at least try to look into my story ...
"Yeah, fuck that."
Five minutes into Ponyville and I was lost, again. I swore loudly, kicking a loose stone against one of the many houses surrounding me. Ponyville is big, I think I said this. It's also THE GOD DAMNED SAME EVERYWHERE! Every single house was similar enough that I couldn't tell you if it was the first time seeing one or the forty-second. There were street signs but I gave up on trying those after I took one look at the wing-dings on it. Seriously, a unicorn head as a letter? Or maybe it was an entire sentence, I don't know.
I looked around at the mostly deserted streets. I had been fooling myself into thinking I recognized anything in this thatch-roofed bumpkin town. Not only did I not know where Sugarcube Corner was but now I didn't even know how to get back to the park and the undoubtedly frantic Mr. Cake. There wasn't a single pony on this street that I could get directions from and almost every other street had barely anypony either. I was completely and total - is that a giant tree?
"The library!" With a burst of speed, I galloped towards the massive tree-building with a soaring heart. At least I wasn't completely screwed. Right?
Genjen edited this. That makes him a swell guy.
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Damnit too short.
>want more
Lovely chapter, again.
Yay I found one thing to edit! That's job security right there... wait a second, that doesn't sound right.
I loved his reaction to the whole staying in the park and being a good little colt and integrating with society. That's right Bruce, never bear the Mares saddle! Oh goodness, I wonder what the deranged guy will do at Twilight's. If Spike wasn't at the party, what'll he think when he sees a roughed up looking Colt barge in babbling about missing hands and letters to Princesses? And poor mister man-woman-stallion Cake, he got stuck with the impossible task of minding after Bruce. I guess that's what he gets for all those years of being a facilitator for Pinkie's sugar addiction.
WOO!
That is all.
FIRST! this chapter was.... very flat. so so short. My friend are you trolling us?
Loving the story keep it up please.
Yay! Can't wait for part 2, in which Bruce is detained by the socially awkward librarian.
Predicting,
~Plyxe
The universe sees through your pathetic attempt at disguising the questioning of how it can possibly be worse.
Shortly, the universe will be laughing at your presumptiousness. None can escape the might of Finagle's Law.
Doom and gloom aside for the moment - fairly decent chappie here.
Although I'm starting to get the impression he doesn't think things through all that often.
soooo confused right now
This story is fantastic. I usually get upset with stories that progress too fast and lose their spark later on, but this story has the perfect speed and progression. PLEASE continue!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png
Yes, the library! What could go right? Nothing that's what!
cant wait for the next
Chapter, Y U so short~?
I cant wait to see what happens!
1221180
MUCH more.
PEWDIEPONYdat no work? screw it. give the font size time to kick in. i major dafuqed dis story.
quick question....Why does Bruce enjoy tempting fate, then enjoy bitching when said fate bitch-slaps him?..........i tempt fate myself on occasion but when shit back fires i'm not surprised
Y'know, I might have more (or rather, some) sympathy for Bruce here if we had any indication he had a plan beyond being contrary.
"Here," of course, meaning 'Lost in Ponyville.'
When does he go back to school? I want to see how he acts (up) around Cheerilee.
Inverse Gender....Hmmmm...
Soooo, Apple Jack is more "girly" than Rarity.
1221171 agreed. still good though.
I absolutely LOVE this story! I must have MOAR! please
1221203
Yeah, my muse is threatening a walk-out for some reason. But I'm hoping more interesting things will happen when he gets to the library. Not that I have a plan for any of this ... oh god, what have I gotten myself into?! *looks at stats* OH GOD!
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"Multiplication tables? Shit, girl, I can do taxes."
Well I finished that fast... I guess I have to go back to studying pathology now... dammit.
1221667 I think that only helps the 'abusive parents' case
BRUCE ASK TWILIGHT FOR A MEMORY SPELL AND YOUR SET DO ITTTT
I had forgotten about Equestrian writing, good play, now he will have to learn to read and write before he can truly prove himself. Alas, by then it may be too late. You are devious and cruel, and the story is amazing.
1221659
How about a logical one-upmareship contest between Bruce and Twilight?
That would be interesting.
THROW THOSE BIG WORDS, BRUCIE!
Bruce..... You are majorly screwed. I still be waiting for an insane Lyra moment........
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Bruce in school I think he would give Cheerilee a heart attack from the fight and swearing. Hell, he may even kill Diamond Tiara in class.
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Is there a scene where this fic says Equestrian is different?
Because in one episode Celestia's name is clearly written, and in others writing is scribbles. Could go either way.
I have a feeling that Bruce will get flat out rejected when he gets to the library.
...Graaahh. No meaty details, just a lead-in to trouble. Again. For the umpteenth time.
1221185 This doesn't update, nor does any other good fic; all we have are the worst possible fics that a baby randomly mashing the keyboard in could do better than. How does all that tie in? Discord, transdimentional gateways, and MC bomber.
So I'm betting money spike's gonna be frilly, and Bruce will realize he has a link to the monarch of the land in the form of a frilly baby dragon... With a mustache...
10 imaginary bits, who's in?
"Heh, kids. Filthy, backstabbing kids! Leave me with this man-woman will you?" lol man-woman......
Why is it that with the way Mr. Cake has been described, I half expect him to instead of try and punch (as much as it would be considered punching with a hoof) stuff, he would likely do a sissy slap on it....
It was short, but loltastic. If Stalin were here, I bet he would approve 100%.
1221964 Because he would slap, pull hair, and scratch, not punch. He's basically a girl with a males appendage, and the same with the rest of the stallions. So since all stallions are basic human females, it wouldn't be funny.
My only worry. Now that females are the men(mares) of the house, does our universal rule of the girl ALWAYS wins transfer over? If so, we have an over powered gender everyone. Bruce head for the hills, something this powerful is not to be messed with.
Run Bruce, for dear life, RUN!
1222048 What of the more beefy stallions... like big mac or that one overly buff one that likes yelling 'YEAH!!!!!!'? Hey he has something working for him... maybe the thing of not to hit a girl carries over.... except for the stallions... lulz
1221749 Now that I would pay to see.
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1221513
You are correct...
...
wat.
If the gender roles are reversed, that makes Rarity a fabulous crossdresser.
EDIT: 1222048
"YOU ARE REPLACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA WITH FALSE HUMAN MEMORIES AND YOU MUST ACCEPT IT."
Another fine edition to one if my favorite fics. No shit here; this story is impressive to say the least, and the concept is defiantly different than others (I had something like this circulating in my head but never followed up. That and it wouldn't have come close to yours), still great concept and I can't wait to see more.
Also, I'm looking forward to seeing how he got there and if any others were effected. I dunno, can't wait for more regardless.
"Pound, on the other hoof, was wearing what I could only describe as the most lacy, frilly and god-awful get-up imaginable. Lacy blue socks with floral patterns, some kind of blue and yellow saddle (Seriously, why? Who is going to RIDE you?) with too many little frilly designs and a ... thing on his head. That thing. That thing was vaguely reminiscent of a Southern Belle's racing hat but taken to an extreme unheard of in mortal lives. Flowers, feathers, frills and even more lace than all the other stuff on him combined. Mr. Cake grimaced slightly and I couldn't blame him in the slightest. If had ever come down the steps in that get-up, I'd have been laughed out of the room by my oh-so-caring family. And probably helped into a noose."
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/4/25/beHLacCLJUGEdcoH1sW1ZQ2.gif
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Or Rarity is just more with the times and is Fabulous!
Oh Darling, a Stallion loves a Mare that grooms herself up nice. I just know with a little cleaning up you'll be dynamite!
Y'all can keep yer fancy clothin' and yer smelly 'fumes away from this 'ere small town mare thank ye kindly. An I like my mane just fine too! Ain't nothin' wrong with a good ol' fashioned pony tail.
Haha... that's a funny thought if ever there was one. I hadn't considered the ramifications for some of the characters till I read your comment.
WEE! Enter, Twilight.
1221411
Plans? Uhhh, get home? Long term planning is not a strong suit. Not only is it not a strong suit of mine but I can't even fake it. But at least we have a Twilight of our discontent coming up.
1221513
1222116
1222192
Over simplifying things a bit fellas. We'll see with Twilight ... eventually. Damn, I do write short ass chapters, don't I?
1221817
In the first episode, the 'text' of the book Twilight is reading is wind-ding-a-licious. There are examples of regular English ('Welcome Princess Celest' and some others) as well as some kinda weird flipped-speech thing ('Foal Free Priss' though that could be kids being kids). So, ... I'll explain it when we get to the library. Now maybe not next chapter ... damn my short chapters.
Well, at least you're not completely screwed, right?
Heh, heh...
WRONG!!
...and now for something completely different.
1222377
In my opinion, the three pony tribes had different languages originally. Romanesque for Pegasi, French/Anglo-Saxon for Unicorns, and German/Slavic for Earth Ponies. And by now, you've got them melded into English (just like what happened in real life), except they sometimes use their own alphabets instead of the common one. Like, for newspapers they use Earth Pony because that's what they have on the typewriters. And Unicorns, who make the signs, have that weird runic/cyrillic thing going on (see Sisterhooves Social poster). And Pegasi use the Roman alphabet, which is the most commonly used one.
I tend to ramble a lot, if that isn't at all obvious.
Why no family bonding yet >O I was hoping Bruce would have spent moar time with Girry-man Mr. Cake and his potential foster siblings ; ;