//------------------------------// // 29 - From the Mouths of Foals // Story: Oh to be Old Again // by Minalkra //------------------------------// I stared at the three fillies currently sitting next to the bed ... who were staring back at me with those massive eyes. Massive, giant eye plates ... huh. It didn't bother me as much. Still - eugh. Having blown her lid completely off, Spring had just recently marched six very shaken mares out of the room and had left orders with the nurses that 'no one over the age of ten that is not me or his foster parents are to be let into this room or' ... well, she bit off most of that sentence but I think there were 'hot irons' involved somewhere. Fun. But since the three fillies currently watching me (with some amount of trepidation, I might add) were just under the age limit, I now had company. Three fillies that I ... wanted nothing to do with. 'Why' might I have heard you ask? Well, seeing as how I've been ruining everything simply by existing near it, I was keenly aware of the potential taint I could spread to these three impressionable youngsters. The fact that I had been panting and trembling for my life just a short while ago surely had nothing whatsoever to do with any of it. "Soooooooo." I said as I fidgeted under their surprisingly heavy stares. Scootaloo suddenly whipped out her wings and buzzed onto the bed - I'd say lucky girl but she seemed to be straining just to do that. Then she got really close to my face. Her lips were pursed and I swear I saw a little pink tongue peeking out the side of her mouth as she stared intently at me for a few seconds. Sweat began to form on me - it was the heat. I swear. It was not her proximity. Shut up. "Uhhh." "Geez, Bruce. You're like a magnet for trouble." With her piece said, the half-pint sat down and smirked at me. Her wings were slightly held out from her sides, making herself look just slightly more fluffy. Why was she doing that? Before I could question, Sweetie's voice cracked from below. "Scootaloo! It's not his fault that bad things keep happening around him." Hey I've got a cheer squad! At least one of the three was on my side. Could I go two for three? "Ah kinda agree with Scootaloo, Sweetie. It's like his special talent is having crazy things happen to him." Aw nuts. Applebloom leapt up onto the bed as well - and I was so jealous. They must have amazing centers of balance to leap their entire height onto a soft surface. I guess Sweetie felt lonely because she clambered up after her friends. I was no longer jealous. Sweetie had the same issues I did. "Shit, story of my life." The first words that pop into my head are never the proper ones and I felt a flush of heat as I realized what I had said. Three slightly shocked faces looked into my own slowly reddening one. I wondered if it would be a bit odd to bury myself under the covers with three little fillies on the be- yeah, no. "Uh." "Damn." "Scootaloo!" Sweetie's voice cracked once more as she attempted to go into a register that was just not suited to her vocal box. Seriously girl, learn your limits. "What? It's so rare when a colt has the teats to curse! I mean, you gals heard Rainbow Dash going on about what Pinkie told her." Two of the Crusaders turned to their friend with a mixture of shock and anger. Applebloom was the first to speak up. "Ya mean when we were eavesdropping on them? Ya know - the thing we aren't s'pposed to do and said we'd keep secret?" "Well duh." Scootaloo rolled her eyes with a smile before noticing the glares were not lessening in their intensity. "What? It's not like Bruce is gonna tattle on us!" She waved a hoof at me and turned, evidently expecting me to support her decision to put the flanks of her friends in my hooves. Metaphorically speaking! I meant the ability to cause them to be spanked raw! Wait, that's worse! "Well ..." I pretended to consider her assumption and was rewarded with a slightly shocked expression. And hurt. Aw man. I couldn't say no to that face. Well I could but that would be mean. "I guess it's not that bad. Hell, I've done worse." "See? Bruce is cool. Ya know. For a colt." She reached out and punched my arm in what I could only assume was a friendly manner. By that I mean she freakin' decked it! Ow! "Anyway, what are you three doing here, uh, anyway?" I asked as I rubbed my now extremely sore limb with a grimace. Sweetie looked livid, Applebloom was just shocked and Scootaloo - Scootaloo made herself comfortable on the bed. I swear she looked like a cat that just caught a mouse and was wondering how to best eat it. The fact she was looking at me that way was just a bit disconcerting. You know. A BIT. "We wanted to come up and see you." The fact that I wasn't crying was something. OW! I was still rubbing my arm but it wasn't throbbing by that point in time. Just slightly-throbbing. That girl has got some strength. That's gonna be a bruise. Ow ... I guess it meant something to the other two Crusaders because after giving me a concerned look or two - and Sweetie throwing a mean look Scootaloo's way - they settled in next to their friend. More or less. "Yeah, it's super boring in these hospital rooms," Applebloom said. Sweetie just nodded sagely. "So far I've had nothing but exciting times." I suppose that my little 'escapade' had made the town's gossip mill because the three fillies just looked thoughtful. It was Applebloom that broke the silence - and my eardrums - by jumping to her hooves with a shout. "Hey! Maybe trouble makin' is yer special talent!" Oh boy ... "What would a cutie mark for that even look like?" Sweetie asked. You are smarter than the fandom gives you credit for, dictionary. "A smashed vase!" Scootaloo shouted. "A set of broken china!" Applebloom hollered. "Weed and a shot of liquor?" I squeaked. Seriously, it's hard to make any amount of volume over the Trio of Eardrum Terrors. God damn! It had the intended effect however because all three of them opened their mouths and - silence. And then, all three of them slowly closed said mouths - in perfect sync - and looked at each other confused. "Uhh, what's weedin' got to do with makin' trouble?" Applebloom's innocent question made me really want to answer honestly but I didn't think 'Cutie mark Crusader Drug Runners' was such a hot idea. "Not that kind ... of ... ya know whut, nevermind." Opps. I realized too late That Accent slipped into my voice. The accent I had spent most of my life fighting against and had suffered under for far too long. I opened my mouth to correct my pronunciation but only got as far as a halfhearted 'I mean' before I caught sight of the Demon Face. I don't think Applebloom took my sudden quiet and my hooves clamped on my muzzle as the signs they probably should have been. Her face got really dark - really, really dark - and her two friends actually scooted a bit away from the livid earth pony. With a slow step, the yellow filly walked right up to me and stared at me with those narrowed, angry eyes. They filled my vision and promised only Pain. "Are you makin' fun a' mah accent?" Applebloom asked, her voice eerily quiet. I shivered. And noticed that her accent had actually gotten a bit thicker. "No, no! Ah, uh, I grew up in a place - well, several ... dozen places - anyway, I grew up in an area that had that accent. I, uh, slip into it on occasion. When I'm around others with it." Big smile, big smile, big smile! Sounds were slightly muffled but that's what happens when your ears were pinned to your skull in fear. Yes, regular fear - not terror this time. Things are looking up for old Bruce-y! "Hmmmmm." Applebloom eyed my fake-looking-yet-totally-honest smile with some amount of disbelief. I was affronted, I say! Actually, I didn't say that so much as scooch back ju~ust a smidgen. "Scouts honor." "... the Filly Scouts?" Sweeite asked, her voice miraculously not shattering this time. "They don't let colts in the filly scouts." "Riiiiight. Not really a scout but Ah'm, er, I'm being honest." Applebloom gave me one hard stare with a single eye before nodding and quite happily backing up a bit. The other two fillies let out a sigh of relief. Mental note: Applebloom gets PISSED when you mention her accent. "So, you wanna do something?" Scootaloo's question caught me slightly off guard and it took a few blinks for me to realize she had asked me that question. So, old Bruce, what do you want to do? Since you can't outright get rid of them, anyway. The three impressionable fillies staring at me with their wide, eager eyes ... so eager to be friends. "Actually, yes." From the way the trio looked at each other - worried expressions all around - I think I was grinning a bit too wide. "Yes, there is something I've been dying to do that you three can probably help with." "This is such a bad idea." Sweetie Belle tried to whisper but her fluctuating vocal patterns made that effort more than futile. The four of us were pressed up against the half-wall that separated the nurse's station - with the yellow-coated 'Miriam' nurse from before playing solitaire - and the hallway. It was pretty easy to convince the Cutie Mark Crusaders to try their hooves at 'Cutie Mark Crusader Solid Snakes' and I was feeling pretty good about that. I have no idea why. Sweetie Belle was entirely correct. This was a horrible idea but I really wanted to find out what Spring had been telling everypony. With her chewing the heads off the 'Mane Six' and a party going on outside the hospital, this was my best chance to get into her office and see her papers. Everything was planned for, there was not a single thing that could go wro- Doesn't count, shut up! "That's ridiculous, this is a great idea!" Scootaloo whispered - again, very loudly - as she fought to keep her wings under control. "Though I have no idea what snakes have to do with sneaking, I'm loving every second of this. Bruce is awesome." "We're gonna get into so much trouble if they catch us." Applebloom replied, managing to actually whisper and bravely taking up the rear. "Sneakin' around with a sick colt an' breakin' into Spring's office." "Hey, you heard Bruce. She's got papers in there that explain things and we need to see them." Holding a hoof out, Scootaloo checked to make sure Nurse 'Miriam' was still flipping her cards. I guessed she was as the lead pegasus waved us on. "We could combine investigating and sneaking. We could be pee-eyes!" "Not with you three talking so damn loud." I grumbled just loud enough to be heard, getting a couple dirty looks in response. "Let's just get upstairs and figure it out from there, ok?" A short 'tip-hoof' later and we were all happily trotting up the stairs. "Ok, I've been to her office once," Scootaloo said, free of trying to keep her voice quiet. It was paradoxically quieter than when she was trying to whisper. Kids, I guess. "She's on the top floor with all the other doctors." At that, the orange pegasus nosed open the last door and led us into ... a maze of hallways with unmarked doors. "Now we just have to find the right door ..." "Oh really?" I stared at the row upon row of identical doors, most without any name plates - and those that did had those stupid unicorn wingdings for letters. I dropped my head with a loud sigh. "Aww crap." "Not this one." Sweetie closed the door with a grimace. We had spent the last fifteen minutes looking from door to door and the repetitiveness of it all was fraying our child-like nerves. "I think that's a 'stallion's issue' doctor. There's weird things all over the place in there." "Oh, let me see!" With a bounce, Scootaloo was inside and staring intently at all of the really weird devices. I rolled my eyes as she poked around and shut the door to the fifth janitor's closet we had come across in this one hallway. How many janitors does a hospital need, anyway? "Hey Bruce!" I turned towards Scoot's voice, fully intending to snap at her - and was met with what can only be described as a 'pony marital aid' being shoved in my face by a wickedly grinning orange chicken. "Gah!" "Haha!" Scootaloo dropped the medieval torture-saddle to the floor with a way-too-loud clang and pointed a hoof at my shocked expression. "You should totally see your face Bruce!" I blinked at her grinning face before answering with my own grin. "Just think of how many sweaty, nasty ponies were using that while they were humping the night away, Scootaloo." The way her face fell from 'happy' to 'horror' was priceless. "You should totally see the look on your face Scoots." "Alright, love birds, let's get this office found." Applebloom smirked as we both blinked in surprise. Oh man, no no no no no no no no no no no no that is wrong on so many levels Applebloom. So. Many. Levels. I immediately backed away from Scootaloo - who was backing away from me. Just ew Applebloom. Ju- "Just 'ew' Applebloom!" Scootaloo, STOP READING MY MIND! The pegasus looked at me with unhidden disgust. "He's cool for a colt and all but don't be gross about it." Before I could answer, Sweetie interrupted our little almost tete-a-tete from further down the hall. "Hey, is this her office?" I broke from the other Crusaders and galloped over to where Sweetie was standing - still trying to be quiet, right self? Yeah, let's pretend that's still the case. There, in front of me was ... "Sweetie, we're looking for a COUNSELOR'S office, not ... this." From the doctor's frock and stethoscope to the posters of anatomy, it was obvious that there had been a miscommunication somewhere. The fact that I couldn't read the nameplate wasn't helping matters, nor was the fact that every single surface was covered in paperwork and files all filled with wingdings or those weird looking not-English letters. I could read about a half dozen words on the bookcase but that was out of dozens of books. "Doctor Horse? That's mah doctor!" Wait ... "I don't know what Spring's office looks like! Isn't she a doctor anyway?" Wait! "A head doctor. They just talk to you and make sure your family is working right." WAIT! I know that name! "Sweetie, you're a genius." Without thinking, I grabbed her head and yanked it to me. A quick kiss to her forehead and I was scrambling through the open door. There had to be a file about me somewhere in this mess. "Girls, help me look for anything with my name on it, it should be near the top of ... one of ... girls?" Sitting in the doorway, a fiercely blushing Sweetie Belle was staring past me with a dopey looking smile on her face while Applebloom and Scootaloo looked at her with shock and - oh man, was that jealousy? Why are they ... "Ah damn it, girls! Focus on the task ... and not - you know - me, ok?" Creepy little girls. "This is hopeless." Scootaloo flipped a file off the top of a precarious pile of papers, her posture and poise very clear about how bored she was. "And boring." There she goes again, reading my damn mind. "Ah cain't make heads or tails of any of this stuff." Applebloom - for some reason wearing one of the folders on her head - tilted an open file back and forth as she stared at it. "What in the hay is 'dropping' an' why would a colt need ta do that? And whut's his age got ta do with it being a thing ta look for?" "I want to know when I start getting the, eh, 'urges and reactions of a mature mare' towards colts. And why I'm not there yet - I mean, I like colts! I have reactions! This doctor is a quack." Sweetie dropped the folder she was holding with a scowl. I noticed a picture of a younger-her smiling for the camera sticking out of the top. I would have loved to look through it but I could already see the wingdings. "Girls, can we focus? Don't read the rest of these, we're looking for my folder. I don't think they took a picture so that's something to think about." I rifled through some files written in English but found nothing that screamed 'me.' The doctor's office was a wreck but that actually worked in our favor. How would he be able to tell we'd been in here? "Awwww - they got a picture of you in here, Bruce." Sweetie held up a file full of wingdings and only a few sheets of paper. But what drew my eye was ... me. A very passed out me with an IV in my leg-slash-arm and drool down my face. I was very, very passed out. And my legs were splayed. Why that surprised me, I have no clue - but the additional part of my body certainly did. My face turned so red I was surprised I hadn't caught fire. "You look so cute when you sleep!" "Give me that!" I snatched it away from her in a huff. Oh my god, thank you so much Equestrian medical ministry thingy. That is such a nice gesture to stick my everything in a folder for doctors to look over. I could feel tears spring to my eyes I was embarrassed so much. "Uh, it's not so bad Bruce." Sweetie hesitantly reached over and patted my shoulder - as I fought the urge to yell at her. It's not her fault, it's not her fault, it's not her - "I mean, there isn't very much drool." "Drool? I'm not worried about the drool!" I hugged the file closed against my chest as I tried to keep the look of total amazement out of my face. "It was a picture of, well, everything ... you know." "Oh, yer thingy?" Applebloom piped up quite happily. Girl, you have your demon face and I have mine. The way I looked at that poor little pony must have been absolutely awful because she swallowed hard and brought one forehoof up to her chest defensively. "W-why are ya so upset about that? It's not like none of us ain't seen one before." I laughed. It was a choking laugh but it was a laugh nonetheless. "This place is so damn wrong. Nude children running around, pieces of anatomy hanging out all over the place and you guys are worried about a little drool." "Uhm, geez Bruce. I-if you think it'll make you feel better, you can show us y-" Scootaloo's thought was interrupted by my hoof in her mouth. "Do not finish that sentence Scootaloo." I shuddered. "This is entering territory I would really rather not be in. Let's just drop it, ok?" A chorus of silent nods and wide eyes met my request and I gingerly removed my hoof from Scootaloo's mouth. "Can one of you read this and tell me if there's anything about - I don't know - my history or what they think about my situation?" "I'll do it." Sweetie stepped forward and reached for the folder. And tugged on it. And tugged again. "Bruce, I've already seen the picture." I let go, with some hesitation. "Let's see ..." She sat there for a few minutes flipping through some of the documents - real medical documents from what I could see, sitting as I was across from her - before coming to one that made her blink. "It says something about a 'monogamous cult' and 'Diamond dogs' ... slavery?" "Slavery?" Three voices, all confused. "Yeah, 'possible rape case,' 'fantasy ... humans.'" "OH!" Scootaloo perked up, her wings popping with her ears. "I looked up that book series and mare Sweetie, I had no idea you liked cool book series like that." Sweetie creased her brow as she read, ignoring her fellow Crusader. Scootaloo's face fell from happiness to confusion a bit slowly. "Uh, Sweetie?" "Girls, I thought Bruce was joking around at the party but ... he really does think he's a human." She turned to look at me, her ears laid back and concern on her face. "Bruce, y-you're not a human." I sighed and creased my brow, putting a forehoof to forehead as I felt a headache begin. Time enough for that later. "Keep reading. Slavery, rape ... Jesus jumping Christ, Spring. What is going through your thick skull?" "Uh, w-well. There's not much else. There's a whole section about your family history though ... uh, I don't know some of these words." Sweetie tilted the folder back and forth and squinted her eyes. "I can sound them out I think but I don't know what they mean." "Maybe Ah do. Or Scootaloo," Applebloom suggested. It wasn't a bad suggestion either. Scootaloo nodded with a glance at me that looked weirdly concerned. The whole human thing must be a bit freaky but I don't really care how freaked out they get to be honest. "Uh, 'incest.'" At Sweeties words, the little yellow filly paled. "Th-that's what they say mah family does sometimes. It means that yer, uh, close family is a bit closer than it should be." Scootaloo and Sweetie both looked at her confused. "It means members of your family are fucking each other." To be fair, I always appreciated bluntness in my own 'uncomfortable conversations' as a kid. Just give me the information I need and let me store it away so I can get back to my life, thank you goodbye. "Ooooh-EW!" In stereo! Applebloom blushed a bit and nodded, her ears flipping down in misery. "Some mares in town say that's why Big Mac ain't got a herd of his own yet. That Ah'm his daughter insteada his little sis. Ah keep tellin' them it's cause he has a lotta chores and cain't take time to go on dates and whatnot but no one ever listens to me." Oh damn it. I could not just sit there and let some little filly start cryin-never mind, too late. With a sigh, I reached out and grabbed the sniffling Crusader in a hug. I - I have no idea what made me do that. It felt right. I didn't want to see her hurt or sad. I - I felt like she was almost family, somehow. Like she was part of my community. Like she was part ... of my ... herd? Awww shit. "Hey now, it's okay." I started to pet her mane and shot Scootaloo and Sweetie glares, motioning them with my eyes to come join in. Sweetie immediately scooted over to hug her friend and - after a bit of shifting - Scootaloo joined with a huff. "They don't know jack sh-er, anything. They're just upset he turned them down cause they were so ugly." That got a giggle. "Thanks gals - er, Bruce. Ah hate it when that gets thrown around by know-nothing ponies." Applebloom sniffed and rubbed her nose with a hoof, smiling sweetly at me - aw crap! My shock must have gone through my face because she blushed and pushed me away. "Ehh, Ah'm okay Bruce." "Aaaaaand on that note, I have the info I need so let's get out of here before we're found." "What in the name of Celestia are you four doing in my office?!" Orange-top was standing in the doorway, looking aghast at the four of us sitting in a pile of opened folders. And then it hit me - breaking and entering, probably some privacy violations, who-knows-what because I snuck out of my hospital room ... oh I really buggered up, didn't I? For a moment, it was all we could do to sit there and stare at each other. Sweat definitely was starting to form on my forehead. "Run!" Scootaloo's voice seemed to knock us all into action. With a yelp, the doctor jumped to one side as the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I ran by him screaming our heads off. Scootaloo was a joyous growl, Applebloom sounded like 'Ah'm in so much trouble' and Sweetie - Sweetie was just screaming in terror. I have no idea what was escaping my muzzle but I think that was what caused the doctor's squawk of indignation more than us charging at him. Hint: rhymes with 'duck it.' "Did we" wheeze "lose him?" I sat in the janitor's closet we had managed to squeeze into, panting and trying not to cough too badly as Scootaloo peeked out of the cracked doorway. Applebloom was shivering in fear behind me while Sweetie was pretty well catatonic. We were all out of breath but Scootaloo seemed the least affected. That's why she was sticking her muzzle out the door and not me. That and she seemed pretty insistent on me staying behind her. "Yeah, for now." Scootaloo closed the door rather quietly and joined the three of us huddled in the back of the closet. "Well, this kinda went hooves up. Did you have a plan if we got caught Bruce?" "Hey." Sweetie's quiet voice seemed dead. I think she was terrified. At least I didn't smell urine. "Don't be mean, Scoots." "Just saying. I was cool with us sitting around and playing 'Clouds and Cumulus' until the adults got back -" "And you were also the one that leapt at the chance to do somethin' 'cool' Scootaloo." Applebloom's voice was firm as she ... stroked my back. AW CRAP. My eyes shrunk to pinpricks as I somehow realized what that was showing me. Crap, crap, crap - Bruce move! Get up, do something ... just going to sit there and grimace? Ok, that works. I guess - not really. "We need to figure out how to fix this together." "Hey! I'm not some tattle!" Scootaloo's voice rose as she did, her wings splayed out in irritation. I idly realized it was a territorial display this time - and retroactively realized she was showing off her plumage last time. If it were at all possible, my pupils would have dilated even more. "Bruce was the one who had this plan, he should have a plan to fix it!" "Be quiet!" Sweetie had exited her 'catatonic fear' state and entered a new one - 'irritated blame placing.' And for some reason, it was being directed at Scootaloo instead of the idiot that got them into this mess. "You're gonna get us in trouble!" "Yer one ta talk, Sweetie. Ah don't see you bein' quiet." And now the relatively sensible one had joined in. Time to do something Bruce. Time to do something - something more effective than sitting there and letting it all wash over you. Up and at 'em! No? "Me!? I said it was a bad idea from the start!" And now they were all shouting at each other. With a groan, I did the least intelligent thing I could have done. I lowered myself to the floor, covered my head with my hooves and wished for it all to go away. It was only a matter of time befo- "Ah-hem." At the voice, I peeked out from under my hooves. Yup. There, standing in the doorway and looking quite unhappy - and disheveled - was Orange-top McDoctorpony. Along with a few nurses. Including a very upset Nurse 'Miriam.' I reminded myself to ask her name next time I could. The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked up at the doctor with wide and startled eyes. "I accept full and total blame for all of it, Doctor." My voice was very soft and weak but in the silence that followed, it sounded very, very loud. Everypony there turned their eyes to me. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at them. "I have no idea what I was thinking and suggest being locked in a room with a nurse at all times to ensure I don't do anything this blatantly stupid ever again. I'm very sorry I dragged these three good fillies into my latest stupid scheme." Nothing. I cracked one eye open to look up at the adult ponies - trying to be slick about it. Yeah, that'll help your case Bruce. The doctor didn't look convinced but I really meant it. The nurses - sans Nurse 'Miriam' - were just confused. Nurse 'Miriam,' on the other hoof, was ticked off. Since she was on duty when we snuck out ... oh boy. What in the hell was going on with me? I had never made so many bad judgment calls in my life! Maybe ... Maybe I was delusional.