Six pairs of eyes stared at my seventh as the facts - the truth - sunk in. I prepared for ... well, anything really. Screams of indignation, cries of voyeurism and breach of privacy, attempts to cover past blunders. I didn't get any one those.
I got all of them! Between Rarity trying to excuse some kind of weird 'dalliance' she had that I knew nothing about and Fluttershy curling into a quivering ball of nerves because someone could be watching her right now, I also had a now-flying Rainbow Dash yelling about how she was 'feeling way ill that day, it didn't count' and Applejack just staring at me with massively big eyes stuttering about her parents and some 'other side.' That one was ... kinda creepy, looking back at it. The noise had gotten unbearable and Twilight, Pinkie and I were the only three not trying to scream above the others. I could tell because our lips weren't moving and I've been in a few arguments in my time.
"QUIET!" Twilight yelled at the top of somepony else's lungs - somepony standing on the shoulders of five other ponies. She must have taken lessons on the Royal Canterlot Voice because god damn! That was louder than any living thing ought to have the right to be. Having gotten our attention - as well as three nurses poking their wide-eyed faces in from the hallway - Twilight rounded on her previously yelling friends. "What is wrong with you ponies?! We are all world freaking famous and this colt is obviously an enamored fan of ours! We do not need some mystical fakery about humans to explain how he knows so much about us!"
"Twilight, he knew my exact number! I didn't even tell you gals that! I don't even think Cloudsdale has a record of who exactly had what number!" Rainbow motioned wildly with her hooves. She looked outright panicked and it was really hard to watch. Better than some of the other reactions though, as the fetally-curled Fluttershy laying on the floor next to the bed indicated.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Did I mention the poor girl's 'mantra of mental breakdown?' The cadence of it matched her back-and-forth rocking really well. Twilight glanced at her with a concerned and yet confused look on her face but any empathy seemed to have been left at Sane Station when the Twilight Express took the last trip to Crazy Town. Have I made enough 'train' metaphors yet? I like trains. Much more than the panicky ponies precariously - nooo, no alliteration - situated on the precipi-edge of pande-utter madness! Seriously, this rhyming-slash-alliteration thing needs to stop.
"Fluttershy, calm down." Twilight spared one glance - one - for poor Fluttershy before rounding on Rainbow with a grimace. Everypony's hair had grown these little curls somehow. "Rainbow Dash, there are, like, four different possible reasons why and how he can know things like that! One is guessing, of cou-" And then Pinkie jumped into the conversation. Literally. Her hooves left the ground and she landed not a few inches forward but I guess it was the thought that counts.
"Twilight! Stop being a Disbelieving McDisbliever! Not everything can be explained through weird-o science yet!" Wow, I was being supported by an anti-science gypsy witch. Where did my life go so very wrong, yes? The fact that Rainbow and Rarity were both in between the pink and the purple ponies didn't stop them from attempting to get into each others faces. That just meant they were leaning towards each other more severely than they had been earlier but, again, thought counts etc.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" And of course, Fluttershy had to interject her opinion.
"Fluttershy, calm down!" I think Twilight's pegasus friend was getting to her. Not that Twilight's annoyed tone had any effect on the quaking bundle of nerves. To be honest, I don't think very much would have an effect on her at this precise moment in time. With a groan, Twilight turned back to her pink par-NO, no more alliteration. Twilight turned back to Pinkie Pie with a nervous grimace. "Pinkie, is this about your Pinkie Sense? Are you still upset with me about that?"
"No, this isn't about you and me - it's about Bruce and-" Yup, Fluttershy was officially on everypony's nerves. Pinkie bit her lip in irritation and - after a deep breath - gave her whiter and less argumentative unicorn friend a smile. "Rarity, can you do something about Fluttershy?"
Rarity stopped in her attempt to get me to promise her - something about 'first time' and 'stallions' honor' or something, I was too distracted to pay much attention to her - and regarded Pinkie with a wild eyed expression of utter madness. Seriously, her pupils were pinpricks! "Uh, well, I shall as soon as I get a promise from Bruce that he will not be sharing anything that would paint me in a poor light, of course."
"Uh, scouts honor?" I held up one hoof over my heart and the other straight in the air. And tried to scoot away from her. It was less than effective.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Ok, yes. Fluttershy, I love you like a sister but please, for the love of god, shut up.
Rarity took one look at my attempt-at-serious face and where my hooves were before grabbing me roughly by the shoulders, pulling me so close to her face I could have licked her wide and bloodshot eyes. "What does that mean?"
"I-it means I Pinkie-Pie-Promise to try my utmost not to spread vicious lies and slander about your character." Oh god, she's gonna eat me ... no, you cannot have my stereo!
With a calm huff of barely contained fear, Rarity looked me directly in my own now-pinprick of a pupil and very slowly explained herself. "Bruce, I am not worried about lies and slander, I am worried about certain things that are private."
"Pfft, of course you'd have 'private things' to worry about - perv." Of course, Rainbow Dash had her own opinions on that. Because she hadn't spoken in two minutes and just had to put her two bits into the ring. I guess.
This led to Rarity letting me go - good thing - and turning to her very prismatic friend with a look that might have to be registered as a dangerous weapon - Very Bad Thing. "What is that supposed to mean, Miss Dash?"
Her voice was like icy fingers trailing down my spine. Rainbow narrowed her eyes and brought up her hooves as the kung-fu fashionista subtly adjusted her stance into one of the most dangerous katas known to ponyki-
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Really Fluttershy? With the two more dangerous ponies squaring off on one side of my bed - and Twilight and Pinkie trying to keep them separate - Applejack walked close to my bedside. One look into those green eyes filled with ancient hopes and tears and I knew this wasn't going to end well. I think I mumbled that to myself.
"Bruce, can you tell me where mah parents are?" The way my jaw gaped at her didn't seem to dissuade her from this line of inquiry. This weird, weird line of inquiry. Ju-I-what?
"What?" I managed to squeak out with just enough force that it could be heard above the growing cacophony of madness. From the time I had told the big-T Truth, I had lost all control of the situation. I was still trying to come to grips with the implications of Rarity's request much less anything else. Brain not work now, am dumbening start kay.
"Fillies, don't encourage him!" I think Twilight finally snapped. With one hoof on Rarity's chest to keep her from getting close to the taunting Rainbow Dash - herself being held ground-side by a very concerned Pinkie Pie - Twilight waved the other towards Applejack. Who had smartly positioned the bed in between herself and her nominal 'leader' figure. Admittedly, this meant that Applejack was now straddling the near-comatose Fluttershy but I don't think the latter had any real objections - lost as she was in her own hidden world of misery and voyeur-pain.
Actually, that sounds a bit better than where I was at that time. I seriously considered joining her.
"Twi, if this colt knows things from the other side, maybe he can help me find mah parents." Applejack's heart-felt honesty was a searing pain, a lance directly across my heart. It burned itself into my-
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Ok, I take that back about wanting to join Fluttershy. She seemed to be in a really bad spot. Why was nopony helping her, seriously? Is the fact that there exists the possibility that everypony is potentially a fictional character really that bad? Or was it something else? Trapped between choosing 'coma' or 'words,' I picked the one I had the least amount of luck with thus far.
"I don't know things from any other side!" Again, my voice came out as a squeak. The entire room was poised to launch itself into violence. Which it did. From the doorway.
"What in Tartaurus is going on in here!?" Counselor Spring Meadows - channeling the spirit of the goddess of war - was standing in the door way with wings flared to their full length. She was fuming, her face flushed with indignant anger. "Why in Tartaurus are you six in this hospital room with an underage and potentially very hurt little colt?"
Silence. Well, except for the shuddering 'Oh my's from Fluttershy.
"Uhm, I asked them to talk?" My voice sounded a lot louder than it had just a little while ago. I'm guessing the lack of six yelling mares does tend to make single voices seem louder. Unfortunately, now I had seven mares staring directly at me. Pinkie's face being notable. It was a mixture of surprise, fear and ... gratefulness. Yes, Pinkie, I am taking this for the team. Shut your face, I got this! I got ... uhm, was it really too late to choose the coma route though? "The shouting came extra!"
Ok, I was going to take most of this for the team. I wasn't entirely suicidal. Judging by Spring's face, though, I may as well have been.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" That wasn't Fluttershy that time - the counselor's expression just helped me make my decision. Annnd I wet myself.